Went on a business trip with married coworker and now I can’t stop thinking about her?

[Anonymous]

I went on a business trip with my female coworker who is married with kids. I as well am engaged.

Both nights out of town we drank a lot and had a lot of inappropriate conversations with each other. We admitted to each other that we would sleep with each other if we were both single etc..

I know in no world would we be able to be together. But we shared some moments over the few days that made me really crush on her. The reason I can’t stop thinking about her is because aside from being good looking.. the part that really has my heart racing when thinking about her is her amazing personality and how cute I found her.

on the final night I was overwhelmed by how cute her personality was and just started telling her. She blushed and we held each other and I could tell in that moment I made her feel good and happy.. her face screamed out how she was definitely loving my compliments.

She was the disciplined one and cut it off before it could go any further.. we talked the next day while sober and she told me she meant everything that she had said to me over the last few nights as well but we agreed it could just never happen because we both have our own lives and families back home.

I agree with her I know it could never happen. And I’m glad we fell short of doing anything really physical on this trip. But days after returning I’m missing her and crushing on her. A BIG PROBLEM HERE is that I feel like I almost require us to share more moments to reassure that she still likes me.. I did try to kiss her at one point but she stopped me and said we can’t.. she has never cheated on her husband and has to think of her kids.

So part of me is also scared I went too far even though she said the next day don’t worry about it she forgives me

any advice to stop thinking about her.. I can’t believe I’m crushing like this

[mobiusforniner]

Hey man, I did this too. It’s called an emotional affair. And it’s worse than a one night stand for the very reasons you’re experiencing right now. You have feelings and they’re reciprocated so naturally you both want to go further It is very hard to just break and walk away

It comes down to one question. Do you LOVE her? I mean, LOVE her? Is dragging her along and confusing her and screwing up her marriage and kids what you want for her life? If all you’re thinking about is finishing the relationship with sex, you’re short sighted, selfish, and you don’t really care about her You are focusing on your pleasure with a complete disregard of the multiple lives you’re damaging by continuing or hoping to consummate the relationship

ultimately I had to remind myself of this. Do I love her? Being a real man is doing the right thing, respecting boundaries and accepting accountability.

In my case, I let her go. I told her it needed to stop because I I knew it was wrong. I wanted her to be happy and I knew a life with me wasn’t happiness

So in the end, when I used those three special words, she knew I meant it.

[Asker]

Damn man you hit me with the truth hard. You’re right.. I don’t LOVE her.. it would be impossible to. I just love the idea of her? Attractive and honestly a personality that obviously clicks with mine. But the age difference and both of us in different stages of life as well as her having a family and me having a fiancé who I love.. of course I just want to party with this coworker.. and be flirty and maybe knowing it’s forbidden makes it even hotter?

I guess I didn’t want the fun to end? I was basically just thinking some innocent flirty chats and maybe someone innocent touching.. like when we would link arms or hug and just kinda lean into each other. We both got very touchy whenever we could in terms of as we would talk to each other she would constantly grab my arm or place her hand on one of my pecs.. accidentally touch my ass.. and I did some similar innocent touches back to her.

Part of me is anxious that even though for entire trip she constantly validated that she is attracted to me and would do stuff if she wasn’t married.. now that’s it over I feel empty as in I feel like I still require more validation from her.. I don’t know why. It’s like I’m worried she won’t feel that way once we’re back in the regular routine but obviously that shouldn’t be a concern.

Hopefully this feeling goes away soon because it’s not like I can continue any of that fun back at the office.. we likely won’t have another opportunity like this for a long time if ever.

I went into this trip with zero feelings for her and now left the trip just thinking she’s absolutely amazing.. ah well thanks for the time and advice using your own experience.. i needed that.

I’ll award best answer once it’s available

[mobiusforniner]

This kind of thing happens man. I trust you’ll do the right thing. Doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact I’ve learned you know it’s right when it’s the harder thing to do. I’ve broken up with my emotional affair for a few years now, and I still think about her.

Be honest with her. Tell her what she means to you and how you know it’s best for you both to stop.

It will hurt but you’ll walk away a bigger man for it. Learn, love, move on

[Asker]

Well I hope you still cherish the good moments despite having to cut it off ! I think I can appreciate the good times that I just had even if I can’t experience any more of those with that person.. or at least not in that same open way that we did with each other. Even if we distance a bit with our interactions going forward.. I kind of enjoy the fact that at least in one moment in time we shared a really good time with each other

[Cheerfull009]

She is loyal to her husband but you are not loyal to your fiance, you tried your best, and still thinking to go beyond limits

[Asker]

I’m not sure what it was.. we hit it off so well I just craved more moments with her. It felt great to laugh so much with someone and talk about personal things that really no two people should talk about outside of their own marriages.

Another part maybe was just validation.. receiving interest back from another pretty girl feels good. And genuinely enjoying each others company felt like a nice getaway

[mobiusforniner]

That’s not a reason. It’s an excuse. You will find many women in life may compliment or validate you. Is that a reason to cheat on your partner or encourage her to cheat on hers?

[Asker]

@mobiusforniner I can’t argue with you.. the rewarding sensation in the moment with the coworker just felt incredible. I didn’t realize how easily I could start to emotionally cheat

[mobiusforniner]

That’s why it’s such a dangerous line. I kept convincing myself it’s all good, we are just friends who “click” in a special way.

Be advised, breakups at work don’t go smoothly. In my case, she resigned from her 15 yr career. Lots of pain. Lost employee. Rumors.

But I don’t live in regret. I know I made the right choice and we are both better people because of it

[Asker]

@mobiusforniner the first paragraph there exactly for me too.. we just seem to have no boundaries on our conversation from the moment we met. That sort of thing makes it easy to get carried away.

I’m sorry to hear that it was messy in your experience. That would hurt my heart. Luckily I don’t suspect that to be any issue for my situation. The reason why is I’m really the one that caught the feelings.. I could tell she is the one with the control and the one that stopped us from crossing the real line.

I think we both had a good time , remained innocent enough and I suspect she likely will avoid me a bit to prevent anything like this happening again. I apologized and she said don’t worry it’s forgivable.. I suspect she’s still flattered with what went on but is making it clear that enough is enough now.

She’s great and I want the best for her. Hoping I get another chance to hang out with her after hours just to have some laughs and prove to her that I can control myself from here on out.

I respect the hell out of her so I’ll support whatever she wants going forward

[FutanariEnjoyer]

Did she have a big dick?