For anybody that feels they need to do this anonymously, feel free. Just don't troll.
My own personal opinion is that I feel too many people jump into relationships way too quickly and they aren't meant to be in one. They just jumped in, head first without testing the water. People also settle way too often and most times aren't compatible. They know they aren't but their view is usually "beats being single"
What is your most controversial, personal opinion about romantic relationships?
I’d say I think people get engaged WAY too fast. Like I’m supposed to decide if someone is right for me for the next 40-50 years in like three years or less? Am I the only one who thinks that’s PREPOSTEROUS? I guess there are time limits involved if you hope to have kids, but still.
It hasn’t really been functional for a long time, but my relationship, when it was, was maybe like 5, 6, 7 years, pretty solid. Like we were able to be out and about in that time frame for others to acknowledge us, she was still able to work during some of that time, etc…. and I can’t even tell you how many women would give her the “Giiiiiirrrrrlllllllll, you need to tell that man to propose to you or kick him to the curb!” And I’m over here like “lady…. in the time she and I have been together, you met a guy, got engaged, got married, had a kid, got divorced, met someone else, and you’re well on the way to divorce #2….. kindly STFU and mind your goddamn business.”
I think there’s a weird social validation that comes with marriage that I think many people are just conditioned to chase until they can attain it and feel like they “made it” as an adult human. I have no problems with marriage, I’m not averse to it, but I just think it’s not something you decide on before the “new car smell” wears off.
Bottom line, and it’s morbid, but it’s real: going on dates and cuddling up and fucking and all that…that’s the easy part. What happens when the phone rings and you find out there’s been a terrible accident and your partner is going to be a quadriplegic for the rest of your lives, requiring constant care, and never being able to give back anything to you on a physical level, whether that’s sex or just being a partner in life and doing stuff together, helping each other out through the day to day…. now they’re just another HEAVY responsibility.
If you would stay through that, and everything that comes with it….. THEN you can head over to Jared, that love is OFFICIAL
1000 percent agree. I think it's societal pressure and loneliness that make people rush into things. And the fact with women, we get pushed by other women to jump into a relationship or marriage because if we just date to have fun or to not be lonely all of the time we are considered sluts and thots. So if you are feeling lonely or wanting sex you better jump into a relationship immediately or you're a slut.
While I agree many people jump into relationships, I don't think there is a universal time period for everyone. For example, 2 - 3 years is an insane time for me. I would not waste 2 to 3 years (let alone more) on a person if I am not sure about them... and respectfully their time as well.
I strongly believe relationships are either long-term, or only good for a night. What I mean by that is, I have a criteria... and I can usually tell by hanging out with them a few times how strong of an interest I may have in them. If its very high, I would consider dating them and can tell within a month or two depending on how frequently we meet if there is a future there. If not, then I stop. I would stick with any hook ups at best if I want to meet someone... until I find the right person again.
@mandyfire98 can you add me, id like to chat if you don't mind.
apparently... "be yourself, be genuine" can be a controversial take, lmao
a lot of people take it as... "I have to do nothing and it is okay to be the asshole I am" no, it is not a lazy take like that lmao, this "be yourself" actually means, be your better self... as much as you can truly be, know yourself well, work on yourself, and most importantly be honest with yourself... for good and bad, accept yourself as you really are
this is the one thing that will put you in a much better position to first, connect and bond with others and also, to find others like it... that are also going to be truly with themselves and therefore you
and this is not entitlement either, just because you're a more genuine person and you're not pretending or being tricky, that does not mean you're automatically entitled to people to like you and certainly not the one you just pick, no... this is always a two way street, and people have to choose each other, not just people picking whoever they want
so yes, being worthy is a lot of work and effort, and one that has to be done about ourselves and it all starts with... being ourselves and being genuine
hell... even a lot of douchebags who present themselves as the douchebags they are can have more chances than those who keep pretending to be something they are not... lol
Probably the many more "blackpilled" perspectives I have which are just simply higher accuracies regarding human nature. I imagine many people wouldn't agree with my opinions that all love is conditional to a large degree.
Well based on my knowledge, being "blackpilled" is just a way of identifying how a person thinks, not necessarily who they are morally. But yk all it takes is someone within the minority of a group to do harm & then the entire group has a bad reputation.. It's why I'm the type that doesn't prefer to identify with groups. I like to simply say that I agree or disagree with certain beliefs, principles, values, etc. I just admire the facts.
Well as long as you don't resent or hate all women then that's cool. There are so many guys on here already that everyday they just trash women nonstop.
I actually don't prefer to hate people at all. If I have any passionate feelings of dislike, it's just towards certain ways or thinking, behaviors, actions, etc.
Exactly! I'm so thankful that I got into philosophy when I was in my late teens & early 20's & also that I experienced certain extreme feelings of stress from people. It was then that I realized just how silly it is to hate people. It's not constructive in my opinion.
i think when married people fall out of love they should divorce or if they dont want to divorce (like cos of kids, money) they should be able to date separetly. i think forcing yourself to stay for decades with someone you dont love anymore is bad. also think marriage in itself should be revised like you shouldn't have alimony or that type of stuff, and divorce should be super super easy to do without no courts or anything. should be like you fill in a form online and in three days its validated. ultimately though marriage should only be like a formality like to take your relationship to the next level, not this super serious thing because love isn't eternal in most cases
also think that not wanting to date people you're not attracted to is just biology not superficial even for women. women care just as much as guys do about looks by the way
i think age gaps relationships are weird. if its more than a couple years appart it's strange. especially large gaps, and even more so where the younger person is in their teens & 20s. doesn't matter the gender of either people, its just weird and kinda degenerate. like if you're like a 50 yo woman with a 27 yo man, or a 40 yo man with a 20yo girl, just know i'm judging you especially if you're the older person
you should only date someone if you have feelings for them. if your a guy and you just date a girl for sex, and if your a girl and you're just dating a guy for money, and you have 0 feelings for them and just pretend you do, you're an asshole/bitch. if i found out my boyfriend was like that, like i'm out immediately
sex & looks are very important in a relationship. so you should avoid gaining weight, glowing down etc. i think it's disrespectul to your partner and it can fragilize your couple. because lets not lie ok love is inherently connected to looks not just personality, and if looks are hit it can cause feelings to decrease and increase the risk of cheating. also this applies to men also not just women. like dudes should never let themselves get beer bellies and stuff like that either, that's just nasty and disrespectul to your girlfriend
if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you and for some reason you dont want to leave the relationship, it's moral to cheat back on them
I agree, many people do jump into relationships without making sure the person is completely compatible with them. It's why so many go through so many relationships. After my 14 year relationship I've met guys that are wanting to be in a relationship and I'm like, hell no... just because I know it takes a lot of getting to know each other before I would even consider them a friend.
I'd definitely prefer to stay single and avoid getting into a relationship just to be in one.
Yeah there's nothing wrong with relationships but there's no way I would ever just jump into one quickly. You can go out on dates with people and have a fun time and not have to immediately be official. Take your time dating, find what's exactly right for you and then become official.
Yup. People try to pressure people to lower standards because they disagree with others standards. My standards aren't supposed to be the same as others, because they are right for me
You don't need a goddamn marriage. Marriage is just a type of contract, for legal or spiritual purposes. You DONT need one to be in love or dedicate yourself to someone
Polyamory is honestly the healthiest option for some people and I see zero issue with it. I hang out with people who are very accepting of it, so I forget how controversial it actually is, and end up a little shocked when I come onto sites like this and see the vitriol people have for it.
I actually agree with your point of view, seems like many people don't date for love but date to not be alone, for the majority people don't date for the actual purpose of it, they actually have a higher chance of doing it cause it's known that people are suppose to date so they don't wanna be left out, and of course if you fail the first steps, you can't build a successful marriage out of a damaged foundation.
I also believe people that don't know what they are doing are ruining it for everyone else as well, they break people and leave everyone else picking up the pieces smh.
Oh they probably know what they are doing but they don't care. It's sociopathy. They know they are messing with people mentally. They just don't have empathy.
It's not so controversial here in Japan but I generally don't think we should date people we don't know with the process of getting to know them. I think that's skipping the vital step of friendship.
That's similar to your opinion but, in Japan, the way to slow down the process is not to superficially slow down dating but to just start as friends hanging out in friend groups before even going on dates. Then you can discover much about compatibility with each other without any of the associated pressures of dating to make things romantic or sexual.
Also to me, loving each other is not a sufficient reason to get married. It's easier to passionately love each other anyway without sharing a home and laundry. The purpose of marriage is to build a home, a family, and raise children. It's a responsibility and sacrifice first and foremost, not a luxury.
Couple in a really romantic relationship NEVER argue , they'd have 0 arguments
Because they both don't wish to shout or yell or make the other person feel bad, hence both are trying to avoid a quarrel and come to a solution and move on with the day with the romantic vibe
ohh one more is you really don't need to be in a relationship or married in life to be happy. you can totally live out your entire life single and still find meaning and happiness in it. And you're not weird or odd for preferring the single life either
Im actually completely with you on this and people hate hearing it. Being single is not the worst outcome. Breaking up can be your best option. Just because its been 5 years good and 1 year awful doesn't mean you're obligated to stay after that 1 awful year.
If the relationship has only pure love, pure romance and there is no sexual aspects involved (sex etc) in addition to that there is highest level of compatibility between the two people involved then it is the best type of relationship in my view.
I would say the current oversexualisation of society kills intimacy in relationships. Nowadays it´s harder to create intimacy because Western societies seem to come to point where sex as the most intimate moment in a relationship is turned to a pure act of pleasure and loses its value. Since sex nowadays is no longer valuable relationships lose their fire and turn into a deal situation where people just look on what does he or she bring to the table?
For the most part I just agree with your point. If anything else, I think people sometimes get in a relationship with someone that may not be 100% what they want and think they can change them.
I think too many people get comfortable or feel trapped in toxic relationships. They get into a relationship and it’s just easier to stay in a bad relationship then move on.
Agreed or stay in a relationship that they just don't fit in. They force themselves to be unhappy. I know couples that aren't even attracted to each other anymore but just stay in the marriage because they are still friends and have kids. Zero physical attraction anymore.
I think the whole thing about, “he’s only pretending to be a nice guy” is a cope. We say that they were just pretending to be nice because it deflects from the reality that we probably just turned them down because we thought they were lame or ugly. Of course people get upset when they’re rejected, especially by people they like. Why would they not be upset?
@mandyfire98 i agree with you 100% people jump in relationship only because of short term enjoyment and then notice that they are not happy for long term
I agree with you, Mandy. I have been single for more years than I care to admit, but I would rather be single than be in an abusive relationship. That being said, I would love to find my "soul-mate."
I think that the idea of testing for sexual compatibility is the most destructive idea to long-term relationship happiness. I think we've been told the opposite, but it's completely wrong
That is a more layered question. I would like to answer but I'm honestly a little nervous because it goes directly against so many things taken as automatically true in our culture. Including things you have chosen for your own lifestyle Mandy. So because it's contradicting those, I don't want to come across as either a preacher or attacking you
Okay. So the prevailing theory is that people should live together before marriage in order to test compatibility with each other. Especially sexual compatibility. This will, the narrative goes, ensure you don't make a mistake and you have a more successful long-lasting relationship. But the psychology and statistics both show the exact opposite. Those who live together before marriage are more than 50% more likely to get a divorce within the first 10 years than those who don't. Plus, finding out sexual compatibility can put you in a state where you are test driving the other person essentially, like they are a car. But relationships are not built on compatibility, they are built on effort and trust and a shared vision. Testing each other out ahead of time only builds destructive patterns. What works the most effectively, is discussing your sexual desires and needs and wants with each other without actually engaging in sex. A high level of communication but saving sex for marriage. Those who do that are by far and away the most satisfied and the most successful in relationships over the long haul. It's not even close
That goes along with my original opinion that people settle too often and just force things to happen in marriages and relationships instead of finding the best partner for yourself. It's fitting a square block into a triangle hole. You can't force people to be who they aren't. You can't brainwash people into just being happy in a marriage. It works like any other relationship. Even the best friendships are formed out of people who are compatible and have things in common.
For instance. If you are very religious and I'm an atheist, you're not gonna force me to be religious at all. Not happening.
So it would never work between us. It's a recipe for disaster. Not compatible. Or say I have no sex drive at all but you have a high sex drive. You gonna force me to have sex? You just gonna completely do without sex?
Hmm. I hear what you are saying. I think when people settle or try to force their spouse into a predetermined box, it's unhealthy. So no, I don't think anyone should force someone to be religious or not, to be sexual in a different way or not. I don't like that at all.
You think there are more options than forcing or testing
If there are I don't know of any other options. The only path I know is getting to know people best you can before you commit your entire life to them.
Oh, I agree that you need to know them best before you commit your entire life to them. But I think testing them out in the modern way is actually destructive to that end.
that couples in more traditional (husband works and is dominant, while the wife stays home raises the kids and is submissive) relationships have more sex
I've been in a few relationship in which the power was 50-50, the power was in his favour and the power was in my favour. The relationships in which the power favored him led to more sex.
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