My girlfriend wants me to go to church, and I have started to dislike religion?

[Anonymous]

So I didn't realize how devoted my girlfriend was until after we got serious. I am personally fine with her believing anything she wants, but my problem with religion has always been people trying to force it down other people's throats. I grew up in a Christian family, and there were some religious zealots in my extended family and it made me heavily dislike religion, because people seemed to use it as a justification or a weapon to manipulate others. For a faith that preaches love of everyone, it is a very close minded and hateful group (in my personal experience). If people actually followed the teachings, I would be completely cool with it. But I am not comfortable in the church because of the hypocrisy.

I have told my girlfriend this after she asked me why we never talk about religion. I told her that I am completely fine with her believing what she wants as long as it doesn't perpetuate ignorance towards other people. She told me then that she wouldn't force me to go to church. But I still end up going a lot because her and her family will decide while I am there hanging out that they are going to church, so I don't really have a choice in the matter. I go, and I act polite and respectful, but I really dislike it... And she has also criticized me for not bowing during mass or not taking the holy water at the end. She knows I am uncomfortable... so it makes it worse when she calls me out on things like this. And recently she will invite me over for something, but they are going to mass beforehand, so they ask me to come over early so we can go straight from mass to the event. It's getting to the point where I feel like I can't really say no without getting in trouble and I don't know what to do...

[Anonymous]

You have summed up some religious people perfectly. They assume others will fall in line with the same beliefs. There is only one thing you can do. Dig your heels in and say you do not want to follow their path.

My thoughts are that I do not care what my boyfriend believes in. Just do not try to influence me, or put your beliefs before our relationship. Do not even consider bringing and children up in a particular religion, either. Let them decide when they are old enough.

I think this is how you should be. Do not compromise YOUR beliefs to make others happy.

[Asker]

i agree with that completely, like I said above, I would never choose my faith over a person I care about, since I should be treating people with love and respect, it seems hypocritical to choose a faith system over loving and respecting another person. And I know a lot of people, of a lot of different religions, and I don't want to think that one of my friends is "going to hell" simply because he wasn't raised in the same religion as me.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO.

[Anonymous]

Well you should tell again how you feel. She should respect your beliefs and values and understand that you don't like that. But this will always be an issue in your relationship. Maybe she has the need like most women to try and change you. By having you become religious. Also it's your fault for not being more assertive about how you feel. You should talk to her but the only way your relationship will work is if you just do what she wants and but then you would be unhappy and maybe resent her.

[JustEva]

A difference of religion can be a major stressor on a relationship, if you are completely open about it and your relationship is more important than your respective gods in both your minds then it can work out, if either one of you place religion above the relationship it isn't going to work long term. No matter how hot you are in bed together how well you sync up on an emotional level, or even how well you complement each other intillectually.

[Asker]

I try not to judge anyone based on their religion, as long as they are keeping to themselves about it. I know a lot of different people of different faiths, which has really opened my eyes to the world and made me far more open minded. I personally would never place religion over another human being, because religion is supposed to be about treating human beings with respect and love.

[JustEva]

I wouldn't place mine over another person either but I have been in relationships where my partner did.

[GingerGuy]

I'm the same way. I was with a very religious girl once, which was fine with me, to each their own, just respect my "believes" as I do yours. I guess she thought she could change my mind because as time went on, she tried little by little to "convince" me, as well as her family tried. That was it and a deal breaker for me. We remained friends though and actually dated a second time years later... she learned her lesson and didn't try the second time lol

[GingerGuy]

* beliefs" lol

[Intraluminal]

Simple. Most churches, synagogues, etc. post their meeting times on-line. Simply make sure that you only go to her house after the Mass has started, and you tell them that you have "an appointment" that you have to go to that starts an hour or so before the mass. That way, you're not refusing to go, and you can't get snookered into one of their masses.

[GoddessofWisdom]

Put your foot down, you don't have to tolerate it. Next time she tries to pull that, say something like "Oh, I guess I'll meet you after mass then or blah blah blah." If she complains that you don't bow or use the holy water, tell her you're not a Christian so you don't have to. She knows your beliefs and should respect them, if not, it's time to get a new girlfriend.

[Asker]

I've told her in the past that I couldn't make it to church, with legitimate excuses, but she never reacts with sympathy. She almost always responds with "well can't you do that another day or do you have to do that now?" I very rarely decline going somewhere, but when I do she reacts with one word responses and is pretty obviously annoyed, even for non religious things. It stresses me out because I feel like if I ever say no, I get in trouble.

[GoddessofWisdom]

Sounds like it's time to cut her loose

[vaaris]

I dated a couple girls like that. I couldn't stand it. mostly because it was a new mega church that opened.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Just tell her no. Simple.