Search Results: fun to read books

So, for anyone who doesn't know, I'm an English teacher, and I've always wanted to write a novel. However, I know sometimes my writing can be a bit... much for some people. I really like my style but my boyfriend said I may need to tone down the words and sentence structure so it's more easily understood by my target audience (between the ages of 18-30). What do you think? Here's a paragraph from the story. Are the words and sentence structure too difficult? by the way, my boyfriend personally likes it, he's the type to read Moby Dick a hundred times for the fun of it. But he thinks it'll sell better if I make it easier to read.

"The only thing [she] learned from her studies with Wizards was the history of the lands through the books that the students were permitted to read, which she was supposed to bring with her to evening service. However, she had left them in her billet, as she had lost track of time meditating in the forest, a place of quietude and one of few areas near the city she could focus, clearing her mind of all deleterious thought. Still, she weaved through the infinite number of Sages and Wizards, hastening her stride with every footstep, attempting to reach the Sanctum before the service began."

It's just a rough draft, so I still have editing to do. Should I use more simple words and shorten some of my sentences? I'm still in the beginning stages of the book and would like to know what you guys think. And, before you ask, I don't use a thesaurus unless I'm trying to ensure I don't use an adjective, adverb, verb, or sometimes a noun in the same sentence, so I didn't use one in this paragraph.