Search Results: girlfriend hangs out with guys

I’ve liked this girl at my job since I’ve met her. I’ve done things that made it pretty obvious I was crushing on her, I would try to impress her with things, watch her favorite shows and talk about them with her at work, motivate her to pursue her dreams. I was really into her. She had a boyfriend though and eventually I felt it was pointless and I wanted to be respectful. So I tried to move on by dating other girls. They didn’t work out and my last girlfriend was very toxic. I tried burying my feelings for her through other relationships. After that I started thinking about her again, I wanted to tell her that I had liked her all along and everything but I would see her hang out with this guy from work all the time and everyone there basically thinks they are an item or will be. It’s crushing me thinking that he’s probably going to get her, she talks to him all the time. It used to be me. But that was when she had a boyfriend. I stopped talking to her when I dated those girls because I wanted to get over her. I’m not mad that she might be moving on to a different guy but I don’t know if I should try to tell her how I feel or if I should let my feelings go. The thing is she would never know how I felt about her. I just don’t want to make things awkward and I already have anxiety, if she rejects me I’ll probably feel so crushed to have to be around her again.

Women are notorious for sending mixed messages and “shit testing” men. They say something is okay when it really isn’t. They want to see if the guy is self controlled and wise enough to pass the test.

However there are a few scenarios men are guilty of this as well. I can think of only two scenarios where men unfairly “shit test” women.

Shit Test #1: He pressures her to have sex early. She gives it up and he then later loses respect for her.

A lot of men judge women for being promiscuous/easy. If she initiating random sex with lots of guys that’s one thing. But if a guy pressures her to do it and she gives in (and enjoys it) then he really has no right to judge her. It was all his idea.

Yet there are some men who do this and frankly it’s a double standard bs. I actually stayed in long term relationships with all three of my past gfs despite having sex with all on them within 3 dates. One ex girlfriend said she would of done it on our first date (we did on the second) if I initiated. But I am actually glad I didn’t.

Shit Test #2: Telling her you don’t mind if she hangs out and talks (a lot) with other guys including exes. However when she does the man gets angry/jealous.

Jealousy is a tricky bastard. On one end a very controlling man is extremely insecure. He gets pissed off if another guy looks to long at his girlfriend or tries to chat with her (often the other guy doesn’t know she’s taken). It can actually be a compliment when other guys check out your girlfriend/wife JUST as long they are respectful about it. But when they cross a line it deserves an ass kicking.

On the flip side some guys seemingly don’t mind at all of their girlfriend/wife hang out with other guys and even do more with them. It’s like they are somehow demonstrating they aren’t controlled by jealousy.

But the truth is some guys “say” it’s alright when deep down they are not at all okay with it. It’s there way of “testing” their girlfriend/wife to make sure they really love them.

Naturally you might feel a little uneasy if your girlfriend hangs out with other guys. I certainly don't want to be controlling or tell her what to, I trust that she won't cheat on me. Do I like it? Not really. Should it not be that big of a deal? Absolutely.