Search Results: i am scared

I hear that a lot but i just never feel scared, maybe becouse im from a pretty safe country.

Long story short, I started facing forced marriage threats from my dad since I was 5. It started with my parents telling me how they got married and that it is the norm in our culture. I was pretty much feeling really scared and anxious, so one night in 1st grade I couldn’t sleep from fear and anxiety, so went to looking for comfort from my parents (mind you they were still awake and chatting to each other).

I had this “you’re my parents you’re not going to do that to me right?” as my actual intention when confronting my parents, because as a kid I somehow understood all of the downside of forced marriage including marital rape—which now as a grown adult with a BSpsych + master in psychotherapy and training in working with forced marriage survivors/girls at risk, I can confirm my understanding back then was oddly correct and logical for a 5-year-old kid (which I got no idea how child me understood the concept so well just from reading and observation but adults didn’t?).

Anyways, continuing the story, instead of reassurance from my parents, what I got was my dad becoming furious, red, and started yelling about obedience because apparently I wasn’t “submissive” or “obedient enough” for a Asian little girl. I was constantly seen as a disrespectful brat because I wanted autonomy, and they are more than wrong, because revenge is the main thing that I aimed for.

I wasn’t just a disrespectful brat, I started having this desire to kill and to destroy anyone that attempted to hurt me especially and specifically my family. When i was 7 years old the plan was final, how i want to live my life, how i will destroy people involved if i were forced by my parents to marry, how much force would be appropriate, who to hurt and not to hurt,… back then i grieved my potentially muddy future, and now i grieve for my lost childhood.

Anyways, i’m interested if you had a normal childhood

I've become friends with a coworker (save the lecture, it's just retail). I believe we both have feelings and that's where it's heading, but he's scared to make a move (severe insecurity and risk of work problems most likely) and so am I. And I still have some doubts, so I'd like feedback. Are these things he has done just something a guy would do if he sees you as a friend? I'm autistic (he is too) so I have trouble with this stuff :( We're both single by the way and are aware of that.

-gives a custom nickname, and petnames ("my dear" "yes maam" "the lady")

-sent a sleepy shirtless picture (not full body but the shoulders were showing)

-has told his friends/family about me

-does things for me even though it's not his favorite (taking pictures with me, watching my favorite show)

-subtle touches like nudging and patting the back, playfully touching my knee

-shares very personal life stuff

-wants to spend time with me (I always do the final planning though, we've hung out 3 times - seen 2 movies, and the third time took a walk then went to dinner)

-willing to drive 30+ minutes to see me

-told me he doesn't know when he's being flirted with and also is scared to touch women without explicit permission

This sounds so obvious typing it out but I'm still conflicted. Looking primarily for male feedback but will gladly take anyone's opinion. I really don't wanna be the one to bring it up to him, so maybe also some tips on how to clearly show him I'm open to taking it further?