What I do when my boyfriend tells me he needs space/time after arguing but says we aren’t broken up or seeing other people?

[tennisnonpro123]

It’s been 2 weeks since the initial convo following an argument - he flips out and gets defensive if I so much as point out that he frequently disappears at night and won’t even text me to let me know he got home safely (which I’ve specifically asked since he drinks a lot then drives). I mentioned maybe we should make a little time for each other this weekend if our relationship was to continue. He agreed and we spent half of yesterday / last night together and it was good -- no arguing, he took me out to dinner & paid etc. But today when I thought we'd see each other again, eh says he continues to need space/time. Says he’s never had a relationship beyond “surface level only, the way I liked it.” And he's 36. So I don't know if he's scared of commitment? He’s always seemed to have limited emotional capacity, like if his buddy wants to talk about childhood issues impacting his dating, he’ll turn away uncomfortable. Has never been able to have some deep emotional convo, only told me he loved me by signing it in a card almost a year into dating.

[ohsheeT]

People who drink a lot don't want the people that love them to know about it.

That's why he needs his space. What ever he use to do at night before you got together. Well that's what he is probably doing.

[BriamG22]

That's a plethora of red flags lol, the frequent DUI is the icing on the cake if you ask me.

I think commitment issues are the least of your worries. How can you expect to have something long term if he is unable to convey emotions and has made it clear that he prefers surface level relationships.

I think he has to work on himself first before considering entering into a serious relationship.

[Nikki1989]

So many red flags on display here. I think you are in for a bumpy road with this man.

[virgo2267]

Well what was the argument about to stir him away to either chill or release his anxiety… sounds like you are trying to dig into his past but you clearly are qualified to do so. He might come around

[tennisnonpro123]

The only grievance I’ve ever brought up: that he routinely goes out w coworkers “No SOs invited” or guys’ night, doesn’t tell me where & disappears not one text till like noon the next day, when I ask if he can just lmk when home since he drinks a lot & has swerved the car several times I’ve been in it, he still doesn’t

[virgo2267]

Well now that you have explained it a little more, I suggest you stir clear of him. He clearly has issues and it seems he is going down the wrong road… don’t get caught up with someone you may not know as well as you think you do… he is keeping some things secret evidently

[PeterLegg91]

Ask him out right do you even want to be with me anymore

[tennisnonpro123]

feels like that'll drive him further away - this whole relationship, I believe he's an avoidant, and needs like 3x more space to "process" anything than most. I was surprised he even agreed to spending yesterday together when I said I thought we'd do it "in order for the relationship to continue."

[PeterLegg91]

Awwwwwww fairs :) you play tennis huh?

[jahaims]

Move on because he is too immature for a healthy relationship