I got into an argument with my boyfriend and now he doesn’t want to spend time with me?

[Anonymous]

The day before my boyfriend and I got into a petty argument after he did a favor for me and I overreacted because how I felt and called him fucking stupid for something he said, which he got pretty upset about and called me disrespectful. We talked about how we felt about the situation later, I apologize again sincerely, and why we said what we said to each other and it was a really dumb thing for us to argue about and me to get upset about. I only made it worse by aggressively insulting his intelligence and giving a weak apology afterwards that sounded disingenuous (I never been good at apologizing and making it sound genuine, which isn’t an excuse. I’m also not disclosing what was said because as dumb as it is, I don’t need to put the whole situation on here.) We talk again today because I wanted to know if we’ll be doing anything on our anniversary tomorrow and he told me he says he thinks we need to relax on seeing each other and maybe we can hang out next week and the Fourth of July. I asked if it was because of yesterday. He said yeah.

I apologize once again and he furthered explained his energy with me is starting to “diminish” and the best thing he can do tomorrow is take me out to eat. I asked what he meant by diminish and if he was falling out of love for me and he told me no he’s not, he just needs some time away to build up his energy to hangout again because he doesn’t want to waste my time if he’s not feeling me, which is why he suggested he see me the week of Fourth of July. We then ended the conversation by giving the time we’ll eat together at.

I may just be overthinking but I know sometimes people like to downplay how their truly thinking by sugarcoating it or simply just hiding it. I know I fucked up but I really don’t want this to end.

[caring__1]

There are consequences to our actions. If we're not willing to slow down and think before we speak or act, we'll generally end up losing opportunities. I know a lot of people say "I feel it, so I'm entitled to say it." Yes, you're entitled, but there's a cost to that entitlement. If you're not willing to pay the cost, rid yourself of that sense of entitlement. Accept the fact that nothing you say or do can ever be unsaid or undone.

You said "I never been good at apologizing and making it sound genuine, which isn’t an excuse." If that isn't an excuse, what is it? We either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. We can continue to legitimize our dysfunction, or we can learn to make changes that are more likely to take us where we want to go.

Just because we're led to believe things like communication, relationships, sex and parenting come natural, when are we going to acknowledge that isn't the case? People frequently say that education is helpful when it comes to a career, yet how often do you hear people saying education is helpful when it comes to relationships or parenting? I've heard too many people say "I did the best I knew how." I'll never understand how the best you know how is good enough when it comes to relationships or parenting. Once we say we did the best we knew how, we then disavow any responsibility for the results and then blame the others. We'll never grow and become more functional if we continue to blame others and not learn from our own actions and adjust our choices.

[spartan55]

Sounds like this isn't the first time you let your mouth say something it shouldn't have? Am I right? I'm trying to figure out how if he did you a favor why you ended up calling him fucking stupid?

[Asker]

We got into a petty argument like I said and I’m not disclosing it

[spartan55]

@asker okay pink anon, like it is really some big secret? ... you know it will make you look bad, that's why girls leave parts of stories out, and that's why you won't say. So that leads me to conclude that what you said or did was pretty fucking bad, but you are trying to minimize it to portray yourself as the victim. He wants time away from you because of how you act, he is tired of it. Your non-sincere apologies are only making things worse.

[pleasestopthis]

Well you're lucky he didn't dump you on the spot. You need to work on your attitude, you're not going anywhere by hurting him and insulting him.