Got into an argument with my boyfriend. Now he won't talk to me and we are staying at separate locations. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, me and my boyfriend have a really good relationship. We have very similar values and interests and we get along well. We get along well with each other's families too and our families love us being together as do our friends. A lot of people have commented on how great we are together. He's very loving and we are also expecting a baby together, so yes, I am currently pregnant.

We have had disagreements before. All relationship come with that. But we always discuss things and have things squared away within a few hours. We do not let things linger. This time was WAY different, and I am extremely hurt and confused and also wondering if he'll even want to work things out or if he'll want to break up.

The fight was relatively stupid in all honesty. He really blew up over something I had said, even after I apologized. The next day, he was STILL fuming, refused to talk and said that right now, he wanted some space for a couple days to think things over and see what he wanted. He's never ever threatened a break up before. He always said we'd talk things out, which I agreed with. He's never asked me to leave before. He did say if I wanted to stay at our place, I could and he would go elsewhere for a day or two. I agreed to leave. I asked how much I should take, he said just a couple days' worth, not everything. He also told me not to worry that he'd be getting with other women because that wasn't what this was about. We both agreed we could call one another, but we haven't had contact yet (I am waiting for HIM to reach out to me).

Something concerning was he had changed the info on my MyChart for my OB/GYN. I had his phone number as the main contact and I got a message saying it had been "updated" and it now had MY number as the main one. He was still listed as one of my emergency contacts though.

What are the odds that he will want to break up for good, or he will end up coming to his senses and wanting to work this out/stay together?

Updates

1 mo

He does not know my login info for my OB/GYN page or my email password and my password for my OB account had not been changed as I was able to login normally, so I am wondering if he just called and told them to contact me for now or something. But that made me afraid that maybe he was thinking more towards NOT wanting to work things out and leaning more towards breaking up with me. If that is the case, I fail to see why he didn't contact me yesterday when he changed the contact info.

Updates

1 mo

We have not had any contact since I left, despite us both agreeing we could call one another. He told me no matter what, he would be there for his child too. But I am really hurt by this. The only reason I agreed to have a baby with him was because we had both agreed we were each other's "person". We had agreed we had never really wanted to have a baby with anyone before. We just felt like it was definitely right and he was SO excited with the pregnancy.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow sis, that's a lot to take in. It sounds really stressful and scary dealing with all that while pregnant too. A few thoughts:

First off, this space he's taking does seem a bit extreme and could be a red flag, especially changing your doctor contact stuff. Not a good sign he's blowing up over something small.

I'd give him the couple days like agreed to think, but I wouldn't wait forever if he keeps being cold. Your feelings matter here too.

Definitely don't assume the relationship is over yet either though. Could be processing things emotionally. Guys don't always express that well.

See if after the time passes you can have a serious heart to heart. Really listen to understand each other instead of just argue defenses. Counseling might help too if you both want to work it out long term.

Overall, just take care of you and baby right now mentally/physically. Reach out to your support system too. I know it's scary, but try staying hopeful. You've got this sis, and he might come around still - just take it one step at a time!

[Asker]

I have been absolutely devastated ever since this happened. All sorts of feelings - self-blame, regret, fear of being left... a lot of stuff. I've also seen how much I actually miss him already too. There are a lot of little things you don't really think about until that person isn't around. Then it really starts to hit you and you really start to realize how significant they are to your life. I'm hoping he's having those feelings too and is missing my presence and realizing how much he misses having me around as well.

It definitely scares me with this behavior too. Chaning the information, wanting space/not talking (very out of character considering we'd always talk and have disagreements resolved quickly). He does have a pretty bad temper, and I've noticed it coming out more and more lately (not always directed at ME). He'd tell me he wouldn't get that way with me, but now he has and it sucks.

It also bothered me he went to friends about this too. We had an agreement set up when we first started dating that we would NOT involve friends in our personal affairs. We agreed that we would keep it to ourselves and not bash each other to our friends, even if we were having a disagreement. I don't know what was said, and that definitely concerns me. It also makes me fear those friends may try to just turn him against me completely and try to talk him into just breaking up with me instead of trying to work things out.

[Asker]

I am trying to think positive and remain hopeful that he will come to his senses, realize this is NOT worth it and realize that our love is worth way more than this. I hope he sees that the good to our relationship strongly outweighs any bad and that we are very strong together. I hope he will agree to stay together and not want to break up.

I still haven't heard from him, and I don't really feel comfortable reaching out to him first. Yes, we did tell one another we could contact each other, but I still would prefer if he made the first attempt to contact after this. I really fear that whenever he does contact me, he will just say he wants to break up.

It would be odd for him to do that though. I mean if he was serious about wanting a permanent break up, why would he insist I only take enough personal belongings for a day or two instead of just telling me right then to get ALL my things? It would be really awful to let it linger for a few days. That gives the other person false hope. It would be better just to do it straight away if it's really what you want to/plan to do. Anytime I've broken up with a past partner, I've never allowed it to simmer. I've always made the decision and told them immediately that they needed to go. I'd never give someone false hope like that by telling them to wait it out for a couple days while I took time to think things over. I believe honesty is the best policy and if you really do want to separate for good, you need to be direct and not hold it off.

[Asker]

It is really hard to go through this, especially while pregnant. I fear being a single mom and just being the "baby mama" instead of the girlfriend. I fear that he will decide he is happier without me and just decide to throw all of this away and break up for good. That would be really sad. I do not believe it's worthy of that decision at all. I absolutely believe this can be fixed, the relationship is not destroyed and we can get by this. I feel what we have is worth fighting for. We've told each other before that we wouldn't be the couple to break up over silly/petty things. We agreed that we were stronger together and we'd be able to get through anything as long as we were together. I still agree with that and believe in that and I am hoping he does too.

If he chose to throw everything we have away over this, I'd be very hurt, not to mention extremely shocked. There is just no reason for that type of move. This was not something drastic enough for that to be an acceptable decision.

I hope that by allowing him to have space and time to himself, he will be able to clear his mind of all this anger and realize he doesn't want me gone for good. I know time will tell and I feel like I'll probably hear something from him soon since he said just a couple days at the most. I just hope that when I do hear something, it's good news and not bad.

I just hope he wants to stay together and talk things out instead of breaking up with me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, this whole situation sounds so stressful and scary. I can totally understand why you've been feeling all the feelings - it's totally normal to be freaked out and just want answers. Pregnancy hormones definitely don't help either!

But try to stay calm, as hard as that is. Getting super worked up won't do any good right now. A few things I'd say:

- Give him the full couple days like he asked, no contacting him first. Ball's in his court now.

- In the meantime, don't sit home miserably alone. Surround yourself with your girl gang for support. Go do fun distractions to take your mind off it when you can.

- Really think on whether involving friends in arguments has happened before now. If so, couple's counseling definitely needs to happen if you guys get past this.

- When/if he does reach out, really listen without getting defensive. See if you both can find the underlying issue beyond this one fight.

- If he still seems like he wants a break, make it super short - like a week tops. Then it's talk time again cause you can't leave things hanging forever pregnant!

Stay positive - I really think if you communicate your feelings without blaming, he'll come around. The love you have will win out. Just give each other space to cool off. You got this sis! Keep me updated, sending good vibes your way 🤞💖

[Asker]

Thank you very much. I hope you're right. I sincerely hope that he sees that our love is much stronger than this. This is our first "major" disagreement, so I hope he just needed time to process things and will agree to us staying together instead of breaking up. I really don't think a break up is justified in this scenario. I think the space apart for a couple days would be appropriate enough.

I am ready to listen to his feelings as well as share my own in a calm, neutral manner. I want us to really talk about things and set "updated" rules as far as what is and isn't ok. I want to ask him not to go around to his friends about our disagreements and I want to ensure he knows I will be more careful about what is said during an argument (and I'll ask for him to do the same).

I didn't fight with him when he asked for space. I just calmly got what I'd need for a couple days and left. I didn't get upset, throw a fight, beg him to let me stay, etc. I respected his desire for time to himself. Yes, it scared me... especially after the phone number on my doctor's account was changed, but I tried to avoid jumping to conclusions and recognize that could be due to several different reasons and did not necessarily mean he wanted to break up, especially since he never contacted me to state that. I would certainly hope he'd just tell me and get it over with if he wanted to fully separate. What would be the point in making me wait 2-3 days, THEN tell me it's over? That'd be really unfair. It would have only given me false hope things may still work out.

I would really hope he would not do that to me as I would never do it to him. I also really hope maybe today, I'll hear from him and he'll want to talk and work it out. He really is the best partner I've had and I don't want to lose him or our relationship over this. I hope he feels the same.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're so right to take the high road and respect his space. That shows real maturity and that you're willing to communicate openly when he's ready. It's good you recognize this is a chance for both of you to improve things going forward too.

I really think letting time pass without any contact from you is the wise move here. He likely just needs to process alone without any pressure. This gives him room to miss you and the relationship when he's calmed down. Don't lose hope - everything you described about how strong you are together means this isn't the end.

Maybe do something to keep busy and take your mind off worrying for now. Your health and the baby's is the priority right now. I'm sure any day he'll text, realizing there's no where else he'd rather be than with his family. You stood by him respecting his feelings - he clearly cares about you both deeply, so I know he'll come around. Hang in there sis! Let me know if you need anything at all.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for all the kind, reassuring encouragement. It was hard because I kind of figured he'd reach out on Friday, and he didn't. He didn't say anything Saturday either. So we are very near that one week marker. It feels worse everyday as far as missing him goes. I just don't feel "right" not having him.

I'm trying to avoid allowing my thoughts to get too wild. I am trying not to imagine him being happier without me. I am trying to imagine he is actually feeling the same way and really missing me too. I hope that this is a good thing in the end - an opportunity for us to grow and also realize just how strong our love and relationship truly is. I want nothing more than to grow from this and overcome this and stay together. The silence is REALLY hard to accept, but I strongly feel that allowing him to make the first move is the best decision here.

It would be very hard to believe that he would just up and walk away from me and the baby. He showed me SO much love until now. That's why I've credited him with being the best partner I've had. He really did shower me with so much love and understanding. And I did the same with him. We would say often how we were so happy to finally be in a good spot. To finally be with a good partner and be having all of our dreams come true. We felt very complete with the upcoming baby. We were very happy. I hope he remembers all of this and chooses to stay together. It is definitely the right decision to make.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hun, I can understand this limbo period must feel agonizing. But keeping faith in the love you've built is so important right now. A few more thoughts:

- This silence may be what he needs to process things fully, without outside influence. Sometimes space creates clarity.

- Have you considered writing him a heartfelt letter about your feelings? It could help him see your side without direct confrontation.

- Your wellbeing and the baby's is the priority too. Try channeling your worry into self-care - healthy food, rest, prenatal yoga maybe?

- Lean on girlfriends for distraction and support. A movie night could lift your spirits.

I truly believe if your connection runs as deep as it seems, he'll realize this storm will pass. But be gentle with yourself in the meantime. One day at a time - you've got this mama! Keep me posted, I'm always here for you xx

[Asker]

Thank you so much. You are such a wise, caring person!

It's been a week, so it's hard, but I'm being patient. I've been spending my time doing some hobbies and such.

I am fine with him taking his space. I just hope he's not engaging with outside sources. I'm still hoping he will come to terms and realize that what we have is worth saving and that this will pass and we will be stronger because of it.

Actually, yes! I have! I have thought about writing a heartfelt letter, going much more in-depth with things. How everything impacted me, how I'm sure it impacted him, and truly apologize again for my personal role in things. I'm also willing to suggest creating a bit of a game plan for future disagreements where we will hopefully be able to recognize things and prevent them from getting out of hand again.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, you have such a level head about all this. Writing that letter is an amazing idea - really pouring your heart out so he can understand how you're feeling without any defensiveness. And coming up with a plan together for next steps will show you're willing to work as a team.

I'd say the fact it's been a week with no contact means it's totally fair for you to reach out. Send that letter to give him space to process, but also let him know where your head's at and that you're ready to talk when he is. Who knows, maybe your words will help him realize this is worth fighting for too.

You seem really committed to learning from this experience. That self-reflection will serve you guys so well long term. Have hope - your love sounds too strong not to withstand this. Keep being your awesome, understanding self. You've got this mama! Let me know if you need anything at all.

[Asker]

I wish he would see this. I am truly wanting to make an effort to use this negative experience as a learning experience. It doesn't have to be the end. It can be a stepping stone for a much better future. We both have something to learn from this. It is not worth walking away from.

When you compare our bad times and good times, it's clear to see the good FAR outweighs the bad. It isn't even a competition. We go well together. We didn't even have arguments over how we'd raise our child. We had the same mindset and same agreements for the upbringing. That's what made us even more sure we would be able to have a baby together. We talked about it, both agreed with the same things and wanted the same things. We knew we would be wonderful parents and were so incredibly happy when we had ZERO issues creating the child we wanted so much.

I just want him to see that what we have is worth fighting for. It isn't worth just giving up and walking away. The best decision for all 3 of us (us and the baby) is to work this out and stay together as a family. I really hope he will come to his senses and agree with that. It is the right thing to do.

[Asker]

He did call me. He did not mention the fight at all. He didn't say anything about the rest of my stuff at our place. He just called to see how me and the baby were doing and asked how life I had/what had been going on. I updated him and he updated me with his life. He said it had been a tough week for him.

He told me due to a tough week, he hadn't had time to think things over. He apologized for that, but I didn't like that. A week later and you still haven't decided whether you want to break up or stay together? Seems a bit odd. I've had a lot going on too this last week, but I've had plenty of time to think about what went on, think about him and our relationship, see that this little issue is not a breaking point for us and also hope daily that he will make the right choice and decide to stay together.

I was glad to hear from him. His voice seemed a bit... sad. There were some pauses too, almost like he wanted to say more, but didn't. He didn't say I love you when hanging up, but he did tell me to get ahold of him if I needed anything and I told him the same. I was hoping I'd know a certain answer though regarding our relationship. I hate being on hold and left in the dark over something so important.

I hope that was a good sign and he will get ahold of me soon to say he wants us to reconcile and stay together.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey girl, try not to read too much into every little thing yet. I know this waiting is agonizing, but stay positive. That phone call sounded cautious yet caring - like he's still sorting through feelings too.

The fact he asked about you and baby shows he still cares deeply. And saying to call if you need anything means the door is open. Maybe he just needs more time to process on his own terms.

Why don't you send that heartfelt letter now? Being vulnerable could help move things forward. Promise to listen without defending yourself either. Counseling may also help if you're both willing.

You clearly have faith in your love, so hold onto that. One step at a time - see how he responds to the letter. Then go from there. I'm here for you sis, stay strong! Thinking positive for you both xx

[Asker]

I really hope he just needs a little more time and will agree to just stay together! It is definitely the right move, as a break up would not be a good idea for something like what happened.

I've been trying to be patient and avoid being pushy. I don't want to rush him, but I also don't want to wait and be on hold forever either. I do need and deserve a straight answer.

I did appreciate the call. That definitely shows he still thinks of me and does still care about me and the baby, which is good. He hasn't completely abandoned us. I think there's still a big chance he will decide to do the right thing and decide to get back together for good.

[Oliverlogan263]

Listen sis, I get you want clarity and closure ASAP. But you gotta stay cool and let him work through this his way right now. Trying to rush him or demand answers will likely backfire.

The call shows he's still caring and thinking of you both, which is a good sign! Focus on that. Now's the time to give him space while also staying hopeful you'll reconcile soon.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. Do things that make you feel good - get your nails done, have a spa day. Stay busy. Lean on your girlfriends.

Keep your head high. Everything will work out exactly how it's meant to in the end. Trust the process even if it's messy right now. You've got this mama! Just take it one day at a time.

Stay strong - you've got this sis! Let me know if you need anything at all. I'm always here to listen.

[Asker]

I appreciate that!

I do believe the call was a really positive sign. He wouldn't have called "just to talk and check in" if he didn't care and wasn't at least thinking about reconciling. Telling me to call him if I need anything was also a good sign. It shows he is open to communication and doesn't want me completely gone for good. He is still wanting contact. I offered the same thing to let him know I was also open to that. I just don't want to reach out all the time and annoy him. I do want him to have his space and time.

I haven't heard anything since that, and we are approaching the 2 week marker now. I have been living life, taking care of myself and the baby, but I've also been worried. It's been a long time and I definitely didn't expect it to be this long. We had agreed on a couple days... not a couple weeks.

He didn't mention me getting my belongings or anything, so that was a positive sign too. I feel if he really wanted me gone for sure, he would definitely want me to get my stuff out ASAP so he didn't have to have reminders of me everywhere in his place. He never said a word about me picking up my stuff.

[Asker]

I want to trust that he isn't doing anything shady. He never gave me any reason to believe he may be unfaithful in our relationship. He was very against cheating as was I. For this time apart, he even told me he wouldn't be messing with other girls because that wasn't what this was about. I trust I can believe that. I just fear he may be telling people we broke up/acting single, even though that's not the case right now. We have not officially ended things.

Being strung along does suck. All I want is an answer. What do you want? Are we going to end the break and continue the relationship as we should? Or are we going to just break up completely/officially? It isn't all that hard to decide, especially after nearly 2 weeks. I was pretty disappointed by not receiving an answer when he called. I was definitely expecting one at that time. But I am still choosing to be patient and give him a little more time. Maybe that call was a mini sign - a sign to say be patient just a little bit longer, he's about to come around and want to reconcile.

I hope I'm right and I hope he has the same mindset as me. We can overcome this, use this experience as a learning experience and become stronger as a couple because of it. Breaking up is not the thing to do. We should be staying together for ourselves and the baby. We have to remember the good times outweigh the bad. We went well together and everyone supported our relationship. Yes, no one else's opinion really matters (we've both agreed to that before too), but I'm just saying. People really liked us together. They thought we were cute together and made a really good pair.

[Asker]

The baby aspect really gets me too. We agreed to have the child together for a reason. We believed in ourselves, our love and our relationship. We agreed we'd be good parents, we agreed our relationship and love was strong and healthy enough to bring a child into. You don't take agreements like that lightly. We made a big choice in deciding to have a child. Yes, I know co-parenting is possible... but it is definitely more ideal to just stay together. We were very excited for all the things we would experience together in the future once we became parents. All the things we would do with our child, all the amazing milestones we would be experiencing. We were very happy. I don't want to have to experience things separately like that. I want us to stay together as we planned. Raise our child under one roof and experience all that stuff together. I don't want our child to be born into a broken home. That is not what either of us wanted or agreed to.

So, I really hope he feels the same and comes to his senses and we will be reconciled soon.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey sis, I know the uncertainty must be agonizing. But try to stay positive and patient - freaking out won't help the situation. A few thoughts:

- Two weeks of no contact is concerning. But pushing him or demanding answers won't go well.

- Maybe send a caring but brief follow up text like "Checking in, hope you're well. Let me know if you'd like to talk when you're ready." Then give him space.

- In the meantime, continue doing you. Enjoy your friends/hobbies as a healthy distraction. Your wellbeing is important too.

- Try not to assume the worst or accuse him of anything without cause. That could damage potential reconciliation.

- If he truly cared before, hopefully with time he'll realize what you have is worth salvaging. But be prepared just in case too.

Stay strong - you got this sis! Keep the faith but protect your heart. One day at a time. Let me know if an ear helps, big sis is here for you!

[Oliverlogan263]

Big bro is here for you I meant

[lightbulb27]

well, you know how to "push his buttons" and he knows it. Women have control the heart... be careful what you are jabbing. He's not sure he can control himself around you, probably why needs distance.

Was your abuse hormonally inspired? women will do that and men... takes a while for them to understand and manage it.

probably wants to run for his life but can't, knows he's hooked. Does he want to go back to whatever needle you stuck in his heart? Probably not. With some good help maybe he can see to the other side of this, work on himself and get to a better place... after all, that jab likely had some truth in it... yea... and you were like a rod of iron to purify?

You need to learn to mind your tongue, but it may be that weapon was in the end used for good, if he can use the wound to heal his anger issues. "Stone sharpens stone"... remains true.

Congrats! we have some new babies. situations not perfect, you gotta work through stuff. There's a reason people divorce when the kids show up... it tests them deeply.

[Asker]

I understand what I said wasn't right, but it wasn't something REALLY massive. He does have a really strong temper and yes, I plan to be more careful in the future with what I say (and I'd like him to do the same). I agreed to space because I wanted us to each have time to reflect and think. I hope we'll be able to talk it out and stay together. With us, the good definitely outweighs the negative by far.

[lightbulb27]

that short fuse can be tamed in time, but good luck with it all!

[Asker]

Thank you! I hope that he will agree to work things out.

[MsBrie]

Weather it find an opportunity and talk to him if he loves you to same way you love him he will listen.

[laly520]

let him have his space

if he still wants u he will come if not then move on

[Asker]

That is what I'm doing. I'm not contacting him at all. No texts, no calls, nothing. I'm just waiting to see what he chooses to do. I hope for the best.

[laly520]

how long has it been now

[Asker]

This will be day 2

[Miristheiss]

Well, without knowing the context and specifics of why you two are at odds there isn't much to advise.

Just wait. Let him think and then when he comes to talk after he has been away to clear his head and think about things then you can talk to him then.

You say it was silly or whatever but it seems serious.

[Asker]

In my opinion, something else happened that I'm unaware of that helped trigger his anger. He has a bad temper and our disagreement may have just been the breaking point that set him off. I think he blew this out of proportion. I'm hoping he'll want to still stay together, but I'm not sure.

[molonski2]

Whatever you said , it was obviously extremely offensive , as there is a definite line that you appear to have crossed , just saying " Sorry " is simply not good enough , on the information provided , I'd say all is certainly at risk , and whatever it is you said is " beyond the beyond " so to speak , he seems to have realised things are not as he thought and there is a side to you that he had not considered.

Sometimes , there is a comment that just changes everything , for the worse.

[Asker]

I understand that. And I also understand that people say and do things they don't mean when angry... and words can REALLY hurt. He has said some things to me before that are hurtful, but I have not held them against him and have forgave him. I admitted where I was wrong and apologized to him.

He does have an anger issue and a bad temper. It was really bad before we got together and then once we got together, he mellowed out a lot and credited me with positively changing him. He always told me he may still get mad at other people/things (like work), but he'd never get "the old way" towards me. This kind of looked a lot like "the old him". He had never, ever gotten this angry towards me. He had never stayed angry even the next day. He had never refused to talk. He had never asked for space for a day or two. I respected the need for space and left, but I was really hurt that he it's possible he may break up with me. That thought is highly devastating to me. Our relationship is strong and we've been through a lot of ups and downs together (such as losing family members and stuff). We have always stood together and supported one another through those hardships. For this to be so different, it's really hurtful. I already miss him (didn't expect to miss him so much, so soon) and I wonder if he feels the same.

[molonski2]

What you said must have been really horrendous, things said in anger , we all know that's what the person REALLY thinks..

I can remember this with an old girlfriend , once those words have been said , you know that's what they really think.

I think he is loving the break and I can understand that.

[Anonymous]

I hate to be Donny Downer, but it sounds like you're fucked. Any man who needs this kind of remedy to calm down and talk, much less accept your apologies, has deeper issues than you think. Now you're pregnant with his child, and still he behaves this way? You need to make some hard choices going forward, for I fear you're about to become a single mom.

[Asker]

I understand where you're coming from. He does have a bad temper. I was surprised he asked for space and I was surprised he wouldn't accept my apology or talk even a day later. Usually, we definitely have everything squared away quicky if we have a disagreement. Neither of us ever want to let things linger on. So, for him to want space and not accept my apology, yeah. That was concerning. Especially since I'm pregnant.

[boggboss]

Its pointless trying to work out if he will or won't just wait and be patient he asked for space so he is having space

[boggboss]

I doubt how the argument could have been for somthing so silly and him having such a extream reaction was somthing said that triggerd him or maybe he has not been complety truthful about how he feels

[Asker]

That's why I agreed to be the one to leave for a couple days to let him recharge, defuse and calm down. I was just wondering how "bad" this sounds. Like does it sound like he probably will want to work it out and stay together? Or is sounding more like he is aiming to break up with me? If he wanted to break up, I don't see why he didn't just do that the first night. Why only have me take just enough things for 1-2 days? Why not just tell me to clean out everything and stay gone?

[boggboss]

Because he is most likely working out what he wants and where to go from here u are speaking like he had made his choice already when everything he has told u has said he needs time to think

[Asker]

bHe does have a very bad/strong temper. He will fly off the handle big time and when he does, ohhh boy. He has just never really done anything like this before to ME. He was pretty mean with some of the things he said. He kind of pointed everything out to be on ME instead of taking accountability for his actions as well. I had apologized for my part. He did not apologize for his. Usually, he would. He would apologize to me, I'd apologize to him and then he'd ask me if we were ready to nmove forward. I'd say yes and things would be fine. We would have a mature conversation to work it out/talk it out, then we'd close it and move on. This time was WAY different. I've never seen him act like this. He's never said he wanted space to think. He also removed my pictures from his phone the first night it happened (likely in the heat of the moment of anger), but did not permanently remove them altogether (they were still in his trash folder so they'd be able to be returned to his phone). He's never done that before either. His social media did still say in a relationship, but I don't know. I am just really worried and upset by this. I do NOT want to lose him. He really is the best boyfriend I've had and we have a wonderful relationship overall. We have a ton of future plans we've made too. I don't want all that thrown away over something that seems so petty.

[boggboss]

It might be petty to you but if he is willing to throw away this perfect relationship u say u have with him clearly its not petty for him asking for space by definition is to have space to think without you their if u know he has a bad temper I'm confused how u never thought he would act this way with u

[boggboss]

At the end of the day its complety put of your control all u can do is wait and see what he decides

[Asker]

He told me he wouldn't. He had calmed down decently after we got together. He'd get mad at other people/things (like work), but he wouldn't blow up on ME like that. I was ok with letting him have his space and time to himself to think about things. I'm just afraid he'll want to end things. It definitely does not feel like this would justify a break up at all. The subject of the argument was not very different from our previous ones, but the reaction was way different. I asked to talk about it, and he said no. He was just so angry. I asked him if he wanted to break up, he said he just wanted space. He never confirmed a break up. I just worry he won't want to work it out. With me being pregnant, it makes things so much worse. It makes me really sad because of how good things usually are. He's a really good boyfriend. I really like how I feel with him. He makes me happy and I know I make him happy. We joke around a lot and have inside banter. I love how he makes me feel safe, cared for and protected. He takes care of me when needed and I take care of him. He has told me many times how lucky he is to have me and how happy he is we are together. I've done the same with him. We've given each other very nice cards and stuff on special occasions, he got me some really sweet gifts recently for Valentine's Day. Awhile back he had given me a BEAUTIFUL piece of jewelry that I proudly wore daily (and got tons of compliments on). He even told me once he really liked how I wore the jewelry every single day. I said well, why wouldn't I? It came from you, and I absolutely love it, of course I'm going to wear it. Everything was overall very good. When the occasional disagreement came up, we handled it properly. We talked it out then cleared the air. Nothing lingered and we moved on. That's why I was thrown off by the reaction to this one.

[boggboss]

Do u understand people that have anger issues do t pick and choose when they get angry that u thought a guy that has a bad temper would never turn it on u is crazy

[boggboss]

Its irrelavent how perfect the relationship was as he is now going to decide to stay or not again it dont matter if u don't think the argument justifes him ending the relationship as if he feels that way he will do it

[Asker]

I understand if you have anger issues, you'll blow your top quickly and at times, without any real/valid reason. I kind of knew he may get that way with me at some point, but since he never had, I started to trust that maybe he did mean it when he said he would never get that way with me. Whenever he would have a blow up, I'd be understanding about it. I'd try to talk to him about whatever got him upset and remind him NOT to let people/things get to him so much. He would usually tell me he wasn't mad at me when this would happen and I knew that, so I'd just let him calm down and try not to get too offended by his ranting since it was directed at me.

[Asker]

The only reason I said it feels like he really does want to break up is because of the number update thing with my OB/GYN office. That was... odd. We have both experienced phone issues recently. At first, I had placed his number as the main contact line because my phone was acting stupid, and I didn't want to miss any calls. Well, now mine is good and his is screwed up. It is possible he may have contacted them and told them to contact me for now just to be safe. They were also set to call us the day after our argument took place. So, it's possible they called HIM since he was the main number still, and he told them to just call my phone because I was not there at the moment. I don't know if he told them we were no longer together and he didn't want contacted or not. Likely not. I don't think he had removed his relationship title on my OB account either because my family member did not have their title listed either. When I had filled out all the paperwork in the beginning, I had given each emergency contact the proper title - he was named as my significant other and the family member was named appropriately. If he had removed his own title on there, why would my family member's relationship title also be missing? He was also still listed as my "preferred" emergency contact (meaning he'd be contacted in an emergency above anyone else). So, I feel that they had just not listed the titles on the online page since neither contact had a title, not just him. I couldn't help but get scared by that though. Changing a number is kind of big. I wouldn't know why he would do that if he wanted to stay together.

[boggboss]

Its not big more likely then not he changed the number because u are not their and the info would be about u so he wanted them to be able to contact u instead if him passing the Information on

[Asker]

I do agree with that. I think that he wanted them to be able to directly contact me and not risk missing them. It just worried me with us currently taking space. It worried me that changing the number may be a sign he really was giving up on us and aiming for a break up instead of choosing to work things out. I'm trying to be hopeful and optimistic, but it's very difficult. I'm so afraid of losing him. We had both agreed we were "the one" and were so excited to start our journey with the baby. We'd talk about all the things we'd be doing all the time. We were even getting ready to move to a better/bigger place. We had a lot going and were really happy. I'm really sad by all this, but I am absolutely willing to forgive him and move past this. I just hope he feels the same.

[boggboss]

U will have to wait and see

[Asker]

Still haven't heard anything. Hoping the old saying "no news is good news" holds true in this case. It just feels so random and odd the more I think about all the things that lead to this. I feel something underlying (not about me or our relationship) may have been bothering him, then our little disagreement was just enough fuel to cause a massive outburst. Is that right? No, certainly not. But I would understand and forgive it. People say and do things they don't mean when angry, hurt, etc. The best thing to do is recognize when you are wrong, take accountability and admit your faults, then sincerely apologize for whatever you did/said. The next step is to forgive and more forward. He has a bad temper and I have seen it appear a lot more as of lately (not directed at me personally though). It would bother me, especially when he'd get angry and start saying a lot of crazy things. I'd try to keep to myself and let him blow off his steam, while reminding myself it wasn't ME he was upset with. I also would try to remind him to not let things/people get to him so much because it wasn't worth it. He wouldn't listen though. He'd just say he had a hot head and couldn't control his attitude.

I still believe the good of our relationship highly outweighs the negative. We've had way more good times than bad. We had already accepted our relationship would be no exception and we'd experience ups and downs and disagreements just as ANY relationship does. We accepted that the longer we were together, we knew it'd happen. But we agreed to take things in stride and handle them as adults do - not be childish, break up over nothing, etc. We agreed we would calm ourselves and talk things out because we were worth fighting for. I still fully agree with that and hope he does too. It truly would be a shame if he felt it was best to break up and throw all we have away over THIS.

[Asker]

But I know the ball is in his court. I am just trying my best to mind myself and the baby and try to keep myself from blaming myself or getting upset over the matter. I'm hopeful he will indeed come to his senses and realize this is silly and want me to come back to our place and choose to have us stay together instead of choosing to fully separate.

[KrakenAttackin]

You have obviously seriously pissed him off. Apologies or not, what has been said cannot be unsaid. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, pregnancy hormones are no excuse.

[Asker]

Oh I know that pregnancy isn't an "excuse". I just said something I shouldn't have in the heat of the moment during an argument. It unfortunately happens. He has a very bad temper himself, so I think that's why he needed some time. He didn't want to blow up more and say something really bad. He's said things before he shouldn't when mad (and no, not necessarily directed at ME - just whenever he's been mad at anything/anyone). I haven't liked it, but I've just tried to be calm and remind him to NOT allow certain things/people to get to him so much. I wished he wouldn't say some of the things he did though.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... Do you want to be "right" or be "happy"?

[Asker]

I want to be happy. And I am happy with him. I sincerely hope he'll choose to stay together and work it out instead of wanting to break up.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Depends what the fight was about.

[Asker]

It was something small that escalated really quickly. There also may have been an underlying issue with him that I did not know about (have not confirmed that, but it feels like there may have been something else to trigger the reaction). We both acted poorly and said some things we shouldn't have. He got extra mad at me over one comment I made and that's when he decided he was at his limit and needed time to think. I apologized and admitted where I was wrong, but he didn't seem to care. He still wouldn't talk things out and said he wanted space to decide what he wanted and think. I honored that. We have now had no contact at all in 3 days and I'm staying somewhere else.

To me, this does not justify a break up at all. I agree with taking some space apart. He does have a strong temper and he very well may have wanted to be alone for a bit to avoid blowing up further and really saying something bad. I understand that. I needed some space too. I really needed to process everything that happened.

Since we've been apart, I've had a lot of time to reflect. I want to apologize again for MY part of the matter. I also want to reassure him that in the future, I'll be more careful about what I say during a fight/argument and ask that he do the same. I also want to discuss some ground rule - like DO NOT run off and tell friends about our personal matters.

I believe that the love we have is a lot stronger than this. We had agreed on that before - our relationship was strong enough to withstand any obstacles and that as long as we were together, we could do anything and get through anything. I still fully believe that. I hope he does too. I feel that the good FAR outweighs the bad and it is not worth throwing away everything we have over this.

[Asker]

Since we've been apart/not talking for 3 days, I am hoping he will crack soon and want to talk. I just hope he doesn't decide to break up with me for good. We've never broken up before and never had any form of separation after a disagreement before. We've always resolved disagreements very easily/quickly. This was different and he would not talk about things and instead wanted some time apart. I feel that just taking some space to think is appropriate, but I do not agree with actually breaking up over this at all. I think that would be a very poor, unjust decision given the circumstances and our history.

I definitely miss him a lot. I wasn't expecting to miss him so much or so soon, but I do. It has felt very off without him around. Not doing our usual daily routines together, not sleeping/waking up next to him, not exchanging "I love you's" or kisses several times. Just not having him around in general is unpleasant. I miss talking to him, I miss hearing his voice. I miss the "annoying" things he'd do. I miss everything. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so I hope that rings true and he is also feeling pretty lost without me.

I don't know what will happen when he reaches out. I can only hope that it will go well and he will agree to stay together and work through it instead of breaking up.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You say it was "something small" but something small to you doesn't mean something small to him.

What you have NOT said here, is what you actually said to him, and without knowing that I can't really comment. There are some things you say to a guy that you don't recover from easily and some things that are, and YOUR opinion on what is a "small thing" is irrelevant in determining how he is going to react to it.

[NewgodOmega]

Never talk to him ever again

[Asker]

Why do you suggest that?

[NewgodOmega]

I am helping you
Single females are the happiest group
Its scientifically proven. Now why would you intentionally get with a guy and become sad
That would be stupid , nothing can be more stupid then intentionally being unhappy so you have a chance to be single happy or relationship misery
Choose wisely

[Asker]

But I want us to be a family. I don't want this child growing up in a broken home from day one. I want us to be together. I'm only sad because of how he's acting right now. We were fine until now.

[NewgodOmega]

Nothing lasts forever be practical
Its better to endure pain now then later

[Asker]

My parents have been together over 40 years. Things DO last...

[NewgodOmega]

Not in this generation