Why does my boyfriend suddenly want nothing to do with me?

[Anonymous]

i've been with my boyfriend for exactly a year now. after a month or two I completely fell in love with them. I kind of moved into his apt with him and his friends, and when his lease went up, we moved into our own apartment. we lived together until he lost his job, so he had to move back home with his parents. this was a HUGE change for me, he picked up two new jobs (working AM & PM, 6 days a week), and his family is very traditional (no sex before marriage, etc.) so he can almost never spend the night at my apt. I went from seeing him all the time for 11 months to seeing him for 20 mins a day. it seems like him moving home has changed his perspective on our relationship. we adopted a dog together, who I love so much I consider my child, but when we fight, my boyfriend is always quick to remind me that it's HIS dog because the paperwork is in his name. we practically only see each other when exchanging the dog.

he now does the complete opposite of everything he used to. I have body dysmorphic disorder and when I used to have my moments of feeling ugly, he would quickly look me in the eyes and tell me I was beautiful. now, he just rolls his eyes and says I look "fine", or sometimes says nothing at all. he used to love showing me off and introduced me to anyone that came in his path, now his friends and family have to constantly ask who I am. he used to take me everywhere, now he goes out with his friends instead of me. he used to always say "i love you", now if I don't say it first he doesn't say it at all. if I ask if I can call him or visit him, he asks me why, like I need a reason to see or talk to him. whenever I ask to hang out, he says he has "things to do around the house". on the rare occasion that he does spend the night at my apt, he always gets up and leaves in the middle of the night due to one excuse or the other. he's always on my phone and computer, but if I ever want to use his he gets super paranoid and won't let me touch them. he told me he would never cheat, because his ex cheated on him numerous times and broke his heart. I believe him, but I still have trust issues because I found an inappropriate txt he sent to a girl months ago (we spoke about it). I understand that he's busy but it's the fact that I'm the one who constantly has to initiate the kisses, hugs, I love you and getting in touch that hurts me the most.

now the hard part: I'm moving back home with my parents across the country. I'm devastated to be leaving him, but he didn't even seem upset, just supportive of the idea that I'd be saving up money. I've tried gently discussing this all with him before but he just gets upset and storms off.

he's been an amazing boyfriend and very loving and supportive of me. I don't want to put 1200 miles between us with our relationship in this fragile state. I want to leave knowing that we both are madly in love with each other and can trust each other. why is he being so distant? its hard not to be clingy when our time together is numbered.

[sweetaspie]

First question, you two lived together and his parents knew but now he can't spend the night. Sounds like a cop-out. And why do his friends and family have to ask who you are after a year, haven't you met them? I thought you lived with him and his friends? Also you found an inappropriate text to another girl and you talked about it. Him leaving in the middle of the night. Always being busy. Well, at least you know he isn't cheating, right? Because he said he wouldn't...hum. Well, a lot of people say whatever they have to when it comes to covering their own butts. I bet that text was just a "joke" huh? Or something of the sort. How is he amazing and loving boyfriend, am I missing something here? He write dirty text to other girls, doesn't want to spend time with you, leaves in the middle of the night, doesn't say I love you unless you say it first? Love the phone and computer thing, people don't act like that unless they are hiding something. BUT HE ISN"T CHEATING BECAUSE HE SAID HE ISN'T. Doesn't sound like a winner to me. God is doing you a favor by putting 1200 miles between you. Now he doesn't have to hide the girl he is always on the phone and computer with and doesn't have to say he was with friends when he leaves you in the middle of the night to be with her. What are you clinging onto here? He isn't giving you anything to even cling to. Yes, he is busy, busy with someone else. Please open your eyes to this so it doesn't happen in the future. I am saying this out of love, honestly. I have been in similar situations and sometimes you have to have someone be cruel to you to be kind. I am saying these things to wake you up. You really need woken up chick. These aren't actions of a faithful man who loves you. Please believe me when I tell you this. I know it hurts, I really do. But it hurts more if you just live your life believeing a lie.

[ineedadviceduh]

Girl Please, you need to forget about him, he is with at least one other girl beside you trust me, he doesn't want a relationship right now, he wants to date around until he has found his diamond, and he has shown that you are not his diamond, but that is ok, because they are plenty of men out there that would love you even more then he ever has, move back with your parents, change your number or block his and give the dog back to him, trust me you will feel so much better if you just drop kick this fool to the atlantic ocean and never hear or see or talk to him again trust me!. And you are very beautiful even though I don't know you, all women are very pretty and gorgeous, some men are just blind to see, because they are selfish that they want as many women as they can get, He is always on your phone and computer checkin onyou because he is always on his phone and computer talking to other women, so he automatically assumes you are on the phone and computer with other men, I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend that you don't know about, that is why he will not spend the full night with you at the apt because he wants to try and stay faithful to the new girl or guy he has found, he uses his family as an excuse because they are a good one, go back to you parents and forget about him/

[Anonymous]

It really does sound like he has something fishy going on... I was in this exact same position... when he moved back in with his parents, he became more independent and that is why he stopped taking you everywhere with him and doing a bunch of things with him... which is only good to an extent... he might be realizing how nice it is to be by himself... if I were you I would break it off before you move... I know that is hard to do, but more than likely if you move away in this state you are not going to make it anyways... a relationship has to be strong to survive that distance and it sounds like you're guys's is getting weaker by the day... I would tell him its not going to work out before you move... he may reconsider his feelings after you are gone gone... ya know what I mean? And if he doesn't? then it was definitely not suppose to be anyways... who knows you may meet an incredible guy when you move back home you know... don't stay with someone who treats you like this and miss out on other great oppurtunities you might have... you could be so much happier... think about what I said and keep me updated please.

[kayleigh1981]

as someone who's dealt with the secretive don't touch my phone crap...the others are right.

either he's dealing with you leaving in a crappy way, or he's got something else going on.

either way, cut your losses and move on. if a man isn't 100% supportive of you, you don't need him.

and the 1200 miles apart is a blessing...it's so much easier to get over someone when they're far away.

there's a guy out there that deserves you. unfortunatly, this guy ain't it. I know you love him and want to be with him, but from what you say, get out before your heart gets any more broken.

[acmocaco]

Look this is pretty simple. He doesn't want to talk about it because he doesn't see a future with you in it anymore. You're leaving, he hates it, there is nothing he can do about it, and there is nothing a man hates more then realizing we're powerless. It sounds like long distance relationships aren't for him. Trust me he's hurting a lot.

I don't let girls go through my phone either, and I've never cheated before. Don't read that much into it.

When you know something is wrong in a relationship, I can't stand sleeping with her. It's to nerve racking. A man needs his 7 hours.

Honestly it sounds as though he is moving on. He's not waiting for you too leave, because he knows it's gonna suck when you do. He wants to skip that phase all together.

Talking to him about what's going on make him feel powerless, it's infuriating for a guy when someone makes you feel that way. If you have to talk about it to feel better you have to ask yourself who's feelings are more important to you. The answer should be your feelings, if it's his then you are giving up to much. You can't force someone to talk about things if it gives them emotions they can't deal with.

I would write him something... before you give it to him read it yourself and think about how you would feel in his shoes. Do not try and call him out about his behavior or his feelings. Just express how all this shit is making you feel. Most importantly don't put any pressure on him of any kind, and wait for him to get in touch with you. Don't write anything you'll be embarrassed about in the future. Think of it as a goodbye letter.

[Anonymous]

he is being distant because your lives have diverged you need to re-intergrate them - it seems like he is taking less of an interest in your life which is probably not because of your or him - just the stress it seems he is under - good luck

[jesss127]

i did the same thing, moved 1000 miles away from

my boyfriend, but sooner in the relationship.

and let me tell you, if I hadnt, we may not be

together now. I didn't hear from him for

about a month then I texted him, just

a simple hey baby, I love and miss