Why does my boyfriend mention us having some time apart, then get upset when I actually want to go out alone? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

He will always say stuff like I know we will need our time apart sometimes which I agree with, but then he will get so pouty whenever I do actually mention going off by myself for a little bit.

I have started running errands/shopping alone sometimes to have some "me time" and he has a hissy fit every time. He keeps asking if I want him to go, keeps trying to get me to stay behind and keeps telling me to be careful and call if I need anything. I appreciate the concern. I really do. But I know how to handle myself and of course if I needed something, yes I'd tell him. I am capable of shopping on my own though.

Him and a friend of his work on cars together and whenever they have one to do, he will repeatedly try to get me to come to the shop with them to "hang out". I know nothing about fixing cars so I'd be of no help and just be standing there totally out of place while they worked. I decline and just hang out with his friend's girlfriend instead. We will sit on own and talk and not pay the least bit of attention to the guys. We also sometimes go out somewhere without the guys. We will go out as couples sometimes as well since we are all 4 close.

He just seems to panic while I am alone. I understand the worry with today's world and I appreciate that he loves me and is concerned for my well-being. But it doesn't make sense for him to say it's ok for us to have some time apart, but then seem to not actually want me to be away from him. He told me he will always want me to come with him and be wherever he is, but sure we can have time apart sometimes too. Then he acts like he does and doesn't seem to really want us apart.

My only "rule" is no nights apart. We live together and sleeping next to each other is important to us both. Is that fair?

Why does he agree to doing things separately, but then seem to get upset at me when I do want to do something without him? I love him dearly and I love being with him, but yes, I know it's fine to do stuff alone sometimes.

[spartan55]

Good lord his position on spending time together would drive me nuts. You can't even run errands by yourself? I think he threw the space idea out without really thinking it through (I kind of get that) OR just to have it be a self serving tool when he wants it. I would have a pretty serious discussion about this, otherwise it will continue. Cover everything you said here. Tell him you don't want to stand around a car while him and his buddy change the timing belt etc. This doesn't sound like it can't be fixed. 🔨🔧🧰🛠️ See what I did there?

[Asker]

Lol very nice pun at the end. And yes. That is my thoughts exactly. Yes, I happily spend time with him and enjoy doing so. But I definitely am not going to be helpful in an auto shop. I appreciate he'd want me there, but I would much prefer having my girl time. Thank you for your input!

[spartan55]

Every couple needs their own time and hobbies. (and some they share too)

[Asker]

If I am out on my own or with a girlfriend, he'll text me to "check in" or "check up on me" and ask if I'm ok, what I/we are doing, etc.

[spartan55]

See, he's not very bright because he can find that information out without the implication that you are helpless.
The whole 'checking on you' 'are you okay' thing irritates me. It's just an excuse to monitor someone ie control.

[Asker]

Yes I agree and it does irritate me. Especially when he literally says he was "just checking up on me". I don't NEED checked up on. If I need something, I will say something. Other than that, I'm good. You only have to worry if I'd like not be back way beyond when I said I would be.

[spartan55]

Exactly, I hate the 'something happened to you' camaflouge too... ugh.

[Nesspure65]

It seems your boyfriend is very toxic, if is going to restrict you or stop you From doing things, you should do the same with him, it needs to be a fair relationship

[spartan55]

Yeah that's terrible advice, I think maybe you are joking?

[In_Trance]

have better conversations with him