My Boyfriend needs so much alone time it’s driving us apart. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys. Been dating this guy but starting to notice some odd behavior. Beginning was great, but every time I ask him if he wants to do something he prefers to stay home instead, work on his projects. I always leave him to it.

i get it, he’s an introvert, but it’s gotten to the point where I feel we are growing distant. I’ll be off by myself on trips, day outings, bc he didn’t want to come. He goes on trips with his friends though, (im not invited) and does outings with his friends a lot of the time (he does complain about going though) but never with me. He just leads a separate life from me & prefers to do his own thing/stay in at home.

What’s worrisome is he’s okay w not seeing me for a week+ or more, never misses me, & doesn’t even notice I’m gone. He’s just happy & keeps living his own life. Once he forgot to a respond to a text for 36 hrs

Is this normal guy behavior? I don’t want to date again if it’s the case.

I do out w my girlfriends, I try to be by myself, go on my own trips. But I just want some part of our life to be together. He says he feels he does all that he can.

he also shows me barely any affection when we’re together bc I feel he takes me for granted.

This is his first relationship. I think he is still independent & doesn’t realize how two people work together or things affect me.

i do try my very best I just hate not being “wanted”

is this normal?

[thebestalt]

It sounds like you are very extroverted. Because of that, you will never understand an introvert's needs and desires in wanting time alone. He may very well need some time to heal himself. He probably does love you but he can't go out with you in public in large groups on a regular basis. It drains him and makes him need to go be alone for even longer periods of time. If he has Social Anxiety, that's a different thing. If he's just introverted, why not go out with just the two of you once a week or twice every two weeks? Make it intimate and enjoy yourselves. Ask him what he would like to do and do it. Have him ask you what you would like to do and do it. Make some compromises with both and you'll be alright. Also, don't let one man make you not want to date. You'll be alright in the end.

[thebestalt]

But if this is his first relationship, obviously he's not going to know what to do. If you really like him, lead and guide him. But from the sounds of it, you already made up your mind that you don't want him anymore.

[Asker]

Thank you. I really appreciate this and it was such a good perspective. You’re right that I will never understand, so I will take this into perspective. I’m actually very shy & I don’t like being in groups; I just wanted some alone one on one time with him but I can’t often even get that. When we’re together once a week after being intimate he gets up & goes and does something else; it’s like he still needs his space even when I’m there.

I do respect his alone time & give it to him. Maybe there’s things we can do together, you’re right. Will try my best to push this, maybe we’re just not a match

Thank you again. Very mature perspective❤️

[Asker]

Thank you🙏

[Sensmind]

Have you told him how you feel? - If you discuss it, you may find a compromise to suit you both - Compromise is the key especially if the two people have very different personalities. Are all guys like this , yes to some extent but most are willing to adapt

[Stevefiveo]

It doesn't sound normal. You have needs and he is not filling them. Go find someone that can.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Stevefiveo]

Welcome. Good luck.

[Shihab91]

He doesn't want a relationship , but he doesn't want to be alone...

[Asker]

Perfect answer. Thanks

[fred_durst]

are you sure he truly need alone time? , or just excuse to meet someone else behind your back

[sensible27]

What @Sensmind and @thebestalt said, seconded ^^

[KrakenAttackin]

He's not that into you.

[Anonymous]

i am the same ways. i needs my times to myselfs