My boyfriend constantly needs alone time. It’s like he lives his own life without me. Is this normal for guys?

Question

My boyfriend is a nice guy and he checks in with me every day via text, but when it comes to his alone time, he’s very protective. He only likes to see me like once a week. He seems genuine when I text him, but as soon as I bring up doing something exciting or with him outside of his schedule, he passes. He only likes me coming over/hanging out for a few hours then I leave. But he kisses me goodnight each time and texts me and seems genuine/caring.

My second issue with this, is that he continues to hang with friends and go on trips, to the beach etc, with them and his sisters. I’ve never been invited. They’ve been on like 3 trips now without me. Doesn’t that seem strange? Then he comes back like it’s no issue at all, and like he hasn’t even thought of me.

When I bring it up that we don’t do enough, he immediately becomes rather defensive but matter-of-fact. He says he thinks we do plenty together and that it’s enough, and he doesn’t know what more I want. Can a guy really need this much alone time?

I am very frustrated. He has also never complimented me, which I find weird. I was considered very beautiful when I met him, but I’ve noticed he talks about how hot other girls are around his friends, but has never said anything to me, only at the beginning. Y’all, what is this and what do I do?

Nightskies · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend was like that in the beginning but now we see each other every day and do almost everything together because we’ve grown attached to each other. But no, he doesn’t say other girls are hot. That’s a red flag for me if I’m in a relationship and he’s talking about other females like that to me. The complimenting shouldn’t matter much cause that’s more of an ego thing tbh. I know it’s nice to hear once in a while but as long as you’re confident of yourself that’s all that matters. Don’t be down about yourself cause somebody won’t compliment you. And I mean for me, if my boyfriend complimented me in the beginning but stopped, that would be a sign to me that something has changed. I do think it’s a little weird that he’ll hang out with his friends and family more than his girlfriend. Usually your significant partner is your safe place and is the person who gives you peace. So you should feel like you could be around them anytime. I don't know how long you guys have been together but in my opinion I wouldn’t continue that relationship if that were my position. Don’t waste your time on someone who won’t value you as much as you value them. Move on and find the right person. Also, I have no idea how you treat him. You could be doing some things that are his pet peeves but he loves you so he just needs a lot of space. Talk to him about it, communicate. Ask if something you’re doing is bothering him. Tell him what’s bothering you. Tell him how you feel but make sure you show that you’re caring about how he feels too. Relationships are two people. Not everything is about one person.

Faith18letsgo · Accepted Answer

I think it’s normal for guys to need a lot of alone time. It does sound like he cares about you and enjoys your company. That being said it sounds like this isn’t what you want from a relationship I would find someone who can give you the things that you want.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Men DO need alone time, and time with their friends, but this is extreme, and unusual. It would be different if there was a specific reason - taking night classes or caring for a sick parent or something - but assuming we are getting the full story, then this doesn't seem reasonable.

You can ask for more, and he can either choose to give you more or not. If he chooses the latter and doesn't have a good reason for doing so, then you have a choice to make: either accept that he's not going to give you more and learn to be happy with what you are getting (and don't complain or keep bringing it up), or break up with him and move on. You cannot MAKE him change, so don't hold any illusions otherwise.

jshm2 · Accepted Answer

Yes dear.  What you're confused about is that you're only his girlfriend, not his fucking wife.  Stay in your lane and grow up.

PrincetonGirl97 · Answer

You need to break up with this guy. He's stringing you along, girl! Get you a guy that'll treat you right and make you first! It certainly isn't that jerk.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

"He only likes me coming over/ hanging out for a few hours..." Hmm. What do y'all do when you "hang out"?

Anonymous · Answer

Dump. Immediately. You’re wasting your time with him.

ZS007 · Answer

I think you have way too much things you don't like about him. just cause things are fine doesn't mean you can't have better. do you love him is he the one? If not time for a change honestly.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

That's pretty normal, yeah. You and your partner are your own people. Having boundaries and being apart is how you stay together.

TheFlak38 · Answer

Women always need to infiltrate a man's life and then whore themselves for attention and money while the man is getting nagged into an early grave.

RandomGuy1030 · Answer

His behavior is actually good for the relationship. Too much time together is suffocating. He is pleasant

Anonymous · Answer

I assume he was the one who pursued you

Anonymous · Answer

maybe he is introvert sigma male

My boyfriend constantly needs alone time. It’s like he lives his own life without me. Is this normal for guys?

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