Why do I get upset when my boyfriend wants alone time?

[Anonymous]

We have been together for almost a year and I thought we were having a great time together. However, just last week my boyfriend told me that he didn't want to meet me and that he was meeting his friends that day. I am very upset about this situation. Do you think I am exaggerating?

[ohsheeT]

Well time alone and spending time with your friends are two completely different things..

and when you're going out with your friends that usually true friends and there's notice given just out of respect

And I would also hope that you have girls night out


Or how about just kicking back reading the good book or taking a bubble bath or watching a good movie

But you don't need to get upset about it or mad

What you need to do is look at it acknowledge it and understand it and say well this is my boyfriend and he needs some time sometimes to clear his head to do whatever and you need to accept it

We all need those moments to grow or to think.

That's what trust and respect and love is all about it seems really that your partner needs a and when you allow that to happen because you're secure your confident within both of your loves towards each other it just makes it 10 times smoother easier and it actually creates a deeper Bond in the long run

[CuriousMoonFox]

I don't think you are exaggerating as long as you didn't start a fight over it.

You want to spend time with your boyfriend. That is normal. I assume you get upset because you want your boyfriend to feel the same way, which is also normal.

People very often compare relationships to dancing, specifically Tango (it takes two to tango). Three major aspects of dancing are tempo, timing and ryhtm.

Two people very often want the same things e. g. spending time with each other but just as often not at the same speed, time and frequency.

I do not know anything about your relationship but I will just assume that he wants to spend time with you too. But maybe not right now. Maybe not as often. Maybe not as often right now but more often as the relationship progresses. Maybe he wants to slow things down before speeding things up (forget the last part, men speed up sexual intimacy, not relationships, my bad).

A second thing I'd like to say is, time apart is gold for relationships. You can only miss what you don't see. You might have heard about the spikes in divorce rates during COVID? Seeing someone too often and in the case of lockdowns every day all day is poison. You will learn to hate what you love. Rest assured. So appreciate the times of separation to better enjoy the times of connection.

[EmmaMary]

Certainly at your age (45+) you should know, realise and understand that no two people are joined at the hip, and that everyone needs to have their own free time to enjoy and pursue their own individual interests.

Maybe it's about time you Grow Up and start acting your age.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It's just because you want to be near him & stuff, which is normal when you have a partner. Sometimes it's good for partners to have their me time & time with their friends. Being together 24/7 isn't ideal.

[Finchie40]

Because you are feeling insecure , it’s ok for a partner to spend time with friends’ the same way you are allowed to spend time with friends’ as well , it’s only a bad thing if a partner prioritizes their friends’ over you , meaning they don’t include you and make time for you as well , if they don’t consider you, when making decisions , if that’s the case , then that’s a red flag. , If your boyfriend is constantly excluding you? Then he is more than likely up to no good and something you should really reconsider staying in a relationship with someone that’s like that , a loving partner will include you in all their decisions, they don’t just assume it’s ok and leave it at that. I am not saying you have to hold your partners’ hand at all times but you should always be their top priority , if he starts choosing his friends’ over you on a consistent basis , you are best to have words with him and walk away if nothing changes

[AviatorTom]

Don't you sometimes spend time with your friends? Without your boyfriend? He's entitled to the same.

A relationship does not mean you only interact with each other. A good relationship treats each partner as an independent individual.

[chiquita]

You may be upset that he seems to be avoiding you, and it can feel like rejection. It’s hard not to wonder, “Why doesn’t he want to spend time with me?” or “Am I not good enough?” It can be frustrating, especially when you’re trying to form a close bond, but he seems to be pulling away. Honestly, it can make you question the relationship, for example, is he truly invested, or does he just not care about how you feel? If this keeps happening and he doesn’t try to balance his alone time with time spent with you, it’s normal to feel hurt and even a little resentful. Relationships should be about mutual effort, not just one person making all the arrangements.

[Asker]

Thank you, you really touched on the right points. I realized that I should speak openly instead of questioning my feelings. I hope we can resolve this issue in a healthy way.

[charles]

Maybe you’re upset because you feel like her wanting to be alone means she’s distancing herself from you or doesn’t really care. But honestly, her needing space doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, it’s just some people’s way of recharging or dealing with their thoughts. It’s important to talk to her about this. Tell her how it makes you feel, but also try to see where she’s coming from. Being alone doesn’t mean she’s distancing herself from you; it’s just something she might need to find balance.

[Asker]

I realized that I needed to speak openly to understand him better. I hope we can find a balance.

[genericname85]

well it's quite simple. emotions/feelings exist in your mind to make you act in a way that is conductive for a certain need you have to be fullfilled. look at what you're feeling and from that feeling it's usually pretty obviously what that feeling drives you to do and if you know what that feeling drives you to do, you can figure the need it's trying to satisfy. and when you know the need you're trying to satisfy, you can think about if there's ways in which you can satisfy that need that might have less negative impact on your life overall.

[Asker]

Thank you, it really is a logical perspective. I will try this method to better understand my emotions and meet my needs in a healthy way.

[Fireguy17]

He can't miss you if you never go away.
It is fairly common to have different interests and want to be with friends once in a while.
My wife and I have very different interests, yet we still share plenty of common interests.
In fact it is considered healthy to be apart at times.
From April through Oct I am gone quite often as I work out of town for usually 3 to 5 days a week.
She is fine with it.
She used to give me flack about being at the firehouse so much until we were both stuck at home for 2 weeks with covid, then she asked me when can you go back to the station?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Because you're being an attention whore. Get a hobby or find something to do.

Sorry if that sounds rough, but I get sick of watching women literally do nothing else than seek out boy attention all the time.

[Anonymous]

because you depend on him for happiness. get a hobby. go hang out with some friends. clean. do some self care. like anything. he is not and should not be the center of your whole entire world. it is okay for him to hang out with his friends. was this short notice? did you two already have plans?

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

It depends on how often it happens.

It's understandable that he would want to do things with his friends that don't include you. And that's fine, as long as he's still making time for you.

How often do you and your boyfriend see each other? Like how many nights a week? And how many nights a week is he unavailable because he's doing something with his friends?

[Nikki1989]

This is very insecure and immature. Both of you are entitled to have quality time with friends.

[Abbycado]

Jfc, grow up. You are over 45 and acting like a teen.

@Agape93 check this out.

[Agape93]

Omfg that's some middle school tween behavior.

[Yannae]

Time with the boys is also important. He has friendships to maintain. I am not that social myself, I often need to recharge my battery. Lol my friends understandxand feel the same way.

[CarolinaGirl5]

Because you're annoying. Get a life, get some friends , get a job. Why are u under him 24/7 it's weird and clingy

[DrPepper12]

This is not healthy. Are YOU anxious to be alone with yourself? Alone and lonely are miles apart. You need separate interests/friends from him.

[Anonymous]

Controlling. Is he not allowed to have a life outside of you? Is this why you’re over 45 and cannot hold down a relationship

[Anonymous]

No idea but alone time/social time is pretty key for good mental state, I'd be worried if he has a past of cheating or friends that encourage such behavior

[Anonymous]

He needs some time just him and his friends

[RedInnocent69]

Because loving you up should be priority one. Who are all these losers who rather play video games than fuck or have their cock sucked?

[Nowaytosay29]

You sound like you have an anxious attachment style. I would suggest reading up on it. These things can ruin relationships if you don’t know what is truly driving these behaviours.

[Raaj4you]

Bcoz you love him and you want to be with him.

[beefcakebradybatson]

He should be with the boys just as you enjoy chick time.

[Tamidi9n]

Because women ruin men's lives most of the times. Women are a distraction.

[Jmmmfi4]

UGH YEAH JUST A BIT... YOU DO REALIZE YOU DON'T NEED TO SPEND EVERY SECOND TOGETHER.

[slatyb]

Yes, you are. Get a life of your own.

[the29thhuman]

Did he cancel plans with you?

[Emmytexrex]

You are emotionally attached to him

[jahaims]

You're insecure af