Search Results: talking while having fun

My friend has feelings for me but I can't see him that way. I never will and even though he knows that he still tells me every single day how awesome and perfect I am and how sad he is for not having a chance to become my boyfriend. Normally when things turn out like that, you end the friendship and continue with your life. But I can't. He is depressed I can't leave him. I can't tell him that I would never want him to be my boyfriend. I can't reject him because I know that I will completely tear apart his already broken heart. However this whole condition chokes me. Last week I met a guy, we had been talking for a while and decided to go out on a date. Of course he learnt it and came crying to me telling me how much it hurt him, asking me how I could do this to him and go out with another guy when I know his feelings about me.

I haven't hung out with another guy since then. For his sake I cut out with everyone just so he has someone to listen to his problems, to hung out with, to make him laugh. Just so he has someone to remind him that he is not as worthless as he think he is. But I can't breath anymore. This is all too much for me. I'm stuck with someone who will never be enough for me. If I end things between us he will cut off his wrists but I can't do this anymore. I'm miserable I feel like I am his captivate. Every time someone asks me to go with them I feel like his hands close tightly around my neck. With no breath you can't answer, you can't say yes. I feel like I'm wasting my life, I'm not living just existing. I'm crying every night in my sleep. I can't hung out with anyone, I can't have fun, I can't have a boyfriend, I can't live my life the way I want to. I will never be able to end things between us, how will I sleep with myself when I know that he spends his nights crying himself to sleep because of me? I have prevented him from cutting yet the one who's about to commit suicide is me. I don't know what to do anymore.