A few months ago, I got rebounded again and it messed me up mentally again despite the fact that I thought I'd learned from the first time. The worst part was I didn't find out she was newly single until after our first date and we had so much in common, on top of her being very cute.
Not that she's perfect as she had her flaws and quirks, but I did things with her that I've never done with anyone else I've dated like make out to some of my favorite bands, discuss horror movies all day, talk about politics, and the conversations would seem endless.
The problem was she acted very hot and cold in between dates that it brought out the worst in me. I would talk to friends about it and was cautious but still got screwed over.
1. It causes a chain reaction
One of my biggest takeaways from being rebounded, I felt like I was on the rebound once it ended. I'd try to move on and see other women, but it'd still linger in my mind. It still does to an extent. The other women would help as distraction, but I'd still find myself thinking about the rebounder. Whether it was in angry, jealous, or bitter way I would still think about the one who rebounded on me. Now I didn't say anything about them to the new women I dated because I didn't want to rub them the wrong way. But despite having had dates, hookups and sex since the rebounder, I'm still hurt from it and I don't like it.
2. 95% of the time it doesn't work out and ends BADLY
There are sometimes where someone dates on the rebound and it ends up being a long term relationship, but for the most part it doesn't. The first time I got rebounded, she ghosted and went back to the ex she complained about. This time, the girl invited me to her place. Everything was going great until we had sex which right before it, I saw an empty condom wrapper from another guy in her bed. Even though we weren't exclusive, it was still shitty. I mean let's be fair, if the roles were reversed and I did this to some girl, she'd flip out on me and rightfully so even if we weren't exclusive so it's not a gender thing. I didn't say anything about it but she knew I saw it. Then she ignored me when I texted her. Then I tried calling her days later, then she texted me saying she doesn't wanna see me anymore even though we were supposed to go to a music fest shed asked me to go the next day. Saw her walking by with other people the next day. Then she didn't just delete me from social media, she blocked me. Like it was my fault this happened. Talk about being kicked while you're down.
3. When it's done, it's DONE
You'll hear of people reconnecting with their exes, depending on the relationship, but with someone who rebounds you, it's generally over and they don't wanna see you again and there's nothing you can do about it. While many would argue that I'm better off without her, it was tough because of how much we had in common. It felt refreshing to meet someone who was interested in my other interests that I could talk about and bond over and the connection felt real. But despite the shitty situation at the end, I still miss having her because one of my biggest issues with dating has been finding someone with common interests and is decent looking. Again there's no such thing as a perfect person, but you can't completely lack physical attraction or have nothing in common. It just won't work out if you lack either of those. Not that I expect someone to be knockout gorgeous or be just like me but at least decent looking and have some things in common. It just sucks because she's made it clear that she wasn't interested anymore.
4. You feel like you're walking on eggshells with them constantly
I won't lie, I wasn't in love with her but I did catch feelings for her early on and was blown away by our first date. I was at least self aware kept my cool around her and kept contact at 50/50 so I wouldn't appear overly interested because I didn't want to be that guy. Honestly it rarely happens that I like someone early on but it scares me for that reason when it happens. I mean I know that getting to a relationship takes time anyways, even if one's not on the rebound, the one on the rebound might take it SUPER slow and if you appear what they might see as readily available or too interested, they might think you're clingy or get very distant which is unfair to the other person. I mean even though I liked her early on, I was still willing to be patient and go at her pace since she just got out of a long relationship.
Once I found out she had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship, it scared me and made me be cautious about what I said and how I acted because being rebounded a few years ago messed me up enough as is. I said as long she didn't complain about the ex like the last one did, I'll just take it slow and play it by ear just because of how much we connected.
The problem was she acted very hot and cold between our first 2 dates that it was confusing. Like she'd initiate text, send snapchats, and like/comment my instagram posts, bring up common interests and stuff going on in my town that she's never been to but when id ask her out, she'd say maybe only to flake and make excuses. I only asked her out once a week for 3 weeks in a row as I had my busy life as did she but then it made me question whether she was interested or not. There'd be times where we'd be talking and then id ask her something that has nothing to do with me and her, dating, or anything to related that then she'd ignore me. I started to look for other women and backed off for a few days, she then asked me out to a movie. But this took the whole fun out of it. It became more of a headache than anything. Like I said, I wasn't trying to rush into a relationship by any means but having to feel like you gotta be super cautious about everything you do that you feel like it could end at any minute is too stressful. It's like working at a job where you are worried about being fired daily. It made me feel needy and over analyze a lot.
The 2nd date was amazing, she bought my drinks and we cuddled to the movie, then we got more drinks and made out for an hour before I dropped her off and she even asked me if I wanted to go to her friends place. She even mentioned how we had a lot in common. This made me think oh maybe this isn't too bad after all.
5. You start to over analyze and question everything you do going forward in dating others
I take responsibility for my own actions but it made me wonder a lot where I went wrong and if she was truly interested or not. I mean the fact that she found me first on a dating site, would bring up lots of interests, and mention things going on in my town as she's never been to the town i live in and is new to the area, made me think she would have at least some interest. Usually if someone's not interested in me or lost interest, they don't initiate contact at all, let alone ask me to hang out. I've had a lot of bad luck with dating as is, even with ones not on the rebound, so it messed me up even more. It made me wonder if I gave off a vibe of being too interested as I liked her, or said something that didn't sit well with her. I also lost myself as I didn't wanna think about some interests we shared as they reminded me of her. Even when I dated other women, I felt like I couldn't completely be myself and play stupid mind games like taking forever to respond or being super short with texts. The whole thing messed me up that bad. Made me wonder if the real issue was me or her.
Overall, after having these two messed up experiences all I will say is I'm never gonna date someone like this again. It is not worth the heartache and pain that comes from it afterwards. Like I said, it makes me feel like I'm on the rebound and it tends to overshadow the good things in my life so it just isn't worth it.
So if you meet a person that says they're newly single or you meet them and find out later on, I'd reconsider depending on what you're looking for or just be VERY cautious. I mean if you're looking for a hookup then it may be just that, but you can't help who you feel for and who you like. The fact that the 2nd rebounder invited me to her place with a condom wrapper in her bed, after telling me to go into her room, only for her to act like it's my issue and shift her responsibility onto me was disgusting and hurt like hell. It was an absolute draining experience, especially because we had so much in common so it has kept me guarded to avoid getting hurt like this again.