Search Results: trusting a guy

So my dad saw me at his home 6 months back and hit my boyfriend coz he thought we both had sex and my dad said him to have sex with me after marrying me. Now after this, my boyfriend stopped having sex with me since 6 months, but we met outside. He cheated on me on weekends but never broke up with me - I saw his phone where he downloaded bumble and also when I asked him to show me his phone, he hid from me. He never used to hide anything like his phone or laptop from me before. But he always told me that he loves me, never cheated on me and waited for me at the station for 30 minutes just to meet me post work and he kept telling me that I should trust him blindly and not ask him to check his phone coz it hurts his integrity. I got one number while checking his phone and I asked her on WhatsApp. That girl showed me call logs of long conversation with him ( this time when I was sure of him ignoring me) she said that he was looking for casual sex for which she denied and blocked him. I confronted my boyfriend and asked him and he said me that he can't have sex with me so he asked her ( coz my dad hit him). I never denied him to have sex with me but he always denied me when I asked him for sex, saying he respects my dad and won't have sex with me before marriage. Since I was sexually deprived and frustrated, I cheated on him after the day he hid his phone from me. And I slept with 3 different guys. And I also told him that I love him and am monogamous. Right now he is in his hometown to fight for me for marriage and he always said me that I'm his long term girl. Since I also slept with guys hookups, I don't feel sad or guilty anymore. He said me we will court marry if his parents disagree our intercaste marraige. I may times told him to block me and he kept telling me that he finds me in other girls, he tried to but is unable to. I am also unable to go away from him but to satisfy my vagina, am sleeping with other guys coz my boyfriend will fuck me after we marry.

As of recently, my popularity has dwindled on the dating apps & I’m unsure of the exact cause. Is it my age? As I look the same & I haven’t moved yet things went downhill a few months ago. I mainly use hinge & noticed this drought on all the other apps too, which makes me even more worried considering it seems to be across all platforms. Because of this, I’ve also been second guessing my decision to brush off the guys that previously showed interest in me. At the time I was somewhat interested in a few but either I wasn’t in the mood/doubtful because of negative dating app experiences I dealt with at that time/was too anxious. I question if I genuinely feel regret because this is a delayed reaction or if I’m reminiscing/liking the idea of them since things aren’t going my way at the moment. How can someone be told they’re “attractive” yet quality guys NEVER show them interest in person? If I got attention from these guys from the apps in person, maybe I wouldn’t be as anxious.

29F & I’ve always had this type of deep rooted anxiety when it comes to relationships, I’ve always been a loner & not the friendliest I suppose, to the point where I’m currently content with online/gamer “friends”. There’s this part of me though, that struggles with knowing I’ll never find romantic love. I’m very sure I’m only romantically attracted to men but in a way, I question at times if I really want to be with one long term. Let’s start with: I’m not very affectionate, I don’t trust easily, I get turned off quickly by “innocent” cocky or conceited banter, I’m very antsy about intimacy & not crazy about sex/masturbation to begin with. These might all seem like cop outs because I truly feel the right person will change how I feel about all these “issues”. As a woman I don’t think it’s that rare to not really have much of a sex drive, I keep hearing stories about other women in the same boat that meet their husbands & realize they weren’t “asexual” after all.