My girlfriend likes to dance and she goes to lessons and classes, but she started a friendship that makes me uncomfortable?

Question

So my girlfriend moved to another state where she doesn’t really know anyone. I am moving down there at the end of the month. She started going dancing and going to classes for dancing. This doesn’t bother me at all, it’s her hobby and she did that while we were in the same city too and it was never an issue.

She met this guy at one of the classes and they’ve gone to other classes and clubs together. This does make me very uncomfortable, I don’t want to be controlling and tell her she can’t do her hobby. I don’t want that at all, I just specifically don’t like that she is hanging out with one guy, and it’s not part of a group. Am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable with that? Not setting the boundary with the classes but setting a boundary about having one on one time with just that one guy. I trust her, I really do, but it just makes me feel really bad.

What should I do?

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Her being with this guy has little to do with her hobby. She met this guy dancing and they've become friends, and friends usually hang out together. There is nothing wrong with her having a male friend.

And you do sound insecure and jealous about her hanging out with this guy.

Has she said anything about this man to make you think she wants to discontinue her relationship with you? If she hasn't, you're overreacting.

I'm sure when you move to the new city, in the next few weeks, you'll meet this guy and, more than likely, find out he's a pleasant person and might even become a mutual friend.

If there was anything fishy going on, your SO wouldn't tell you anything about her actions with this man. She'd keep it a secret.

You two aren't together at this point and I'm sure she's lonely for you and nothing can be done about it. And she shares her love of dancing with this person, too.

Remember, you'll always have to share your SO with others some of the time, be they friends, acquaintances, future children, bosses, workplace associates, relatives. It's best to let SOs enjoy their time away from you, as it renews and recharges them.

But if this is something more deep-seated that really has nothing to do with her or what she's doing, and everything to do with you, maybe you should speak to a counselor about these feelings.

Violet_78 · Accepted Answer

Bring it up in a conversation with her. Or send her a message since she seems to be out of state at the moment. What you have written is very convincing that you aren’t trying to stop her from her hobby.
But I totally get why that makes you feel bad - and honestly if she can’t see that, then that’s a whole other problem in itself.

hopefully a chat can clear this all up

foxrider77 · Accepted Answer

I’d meet another girl and spend one on one time. If your girlfriend questions it I’d say I’ll stop if you stop. Either way you have a back out plan. My experience wasn’t good when my girlfriend had a male friend and they did the one on one time. He was also a bad influence on her as he was a burn out.

DextroShade · Accepted Answer

Bro she already left you; once she moves to another state she's not your girlfriend any more. If she actually cared about you she wouldn't have moved. If it wasn't the guy at dance class there would be some other dude. Just cut your losses and move on.

Jessica405 · Answer

It sounds like a little bit more than a friendship. I would call it a day. Leave her.

bobalife · Answer

How you feel is how you feel. It’s okay to express feeling uncomfortable, someone who love and respect you will be understanding where you’re coming from and hear you out. Are they doing lots 1 on 1 dancing/clubbing? It’s okay to have friends but tbh if I was taken I wouldn’t be doing that one on one so much with some new guy unless he’s like my close friend

Curmudgeon · Answer

Can you meet the guy? It's generally a wise policy for the man to meet the lady's male friends and likewise for her to meet your female friends. With that information, you can know where you stand at least.

dustybiker2 · Answer

What is with the long distance relationship? You are both bound to find other people closer by. If you want her go live with her. Or at least by her.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

As a starting point. Can I ask.. Are you moving down there permanently, and if so.. is it to move in with her?

HateyouxD · Answer

This is something I'd do if I'd cheat but she might not be cheating I just know dancing is sexy and hot. Your girlfriend may not be like me tho

HaveNoName · Answer

There is nothing abnormal to feel like you are feeling. Wait till they get into those contemporary dances where his hands are on her crotch half the time as they dance. There is nothing not inappropriate about such coupling.

laly520 · Answer

or maybe u could meet the guy n get to know him while keeping it friendly at least that way u would know what type of guys he is

JacobJordan · Answer

Relationship over. If she isn't already she will be

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

Girls will never understand that they can't trust men. While they can't trust men, You showing jealousy, will only push her away. Be confident in herself, and let her handle it

Sameone · Answer

Just move on man 😓  Long relationship never work 😞

Anonymous · Answer

You are insecure and not emotionally mature enough for a relationship.

OtterMan68 · Answer

when they go out, do you go along or is it just them?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

He is or will be balls deep in her.

jahaims · Answer

If you don't trust your partner don't be with them

Anonymous · Answer

Dump her.

Anonymous · Answer

Is he gay?

My girlfriend likes to dance and she goes to lessons and classes, but she started a friendship that makes me uncomfortable?

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