My girlfriend likes to dance and she goes to lessons and classes, but she started a friendship that makes me uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

So my girlfriend moved to another state where she doesn’t really know anyone. I am moving down there at the end of the month. She started going dancing and going to classes for dancing. This doesn’t bother me at all, it’s her hobby and she did that while we were in the same city too and it was never an issue.

She met this guy at one of the classes and they’ve gone to other classes and clubs together. This does make me very uncomfortable, I don’t want to be controlling and tell her she can’t do her hobby. I don’t want that at all, I just specifically don’t like that she is hanging out with one guy, and it’s not part of a group. Am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable with that? Not setting the boundary with the classes but setting a boundary about having one on one time with just that one guy. I trust her, I really do, but it just makes me feel really bad.

What should I do?

Updates

1 mo

I also don’t want to seem insecure and jealous to her, but I just don’t know how to talk about this without it sounding like I don’t want her to do her hobby…

[Screenwriter]

Her being with this guy has little to do with her hobby. She met this guy dancing and they've become friends, and friends usually hang out together. There is nothing wrong with her having a male friend.

And you do sound insecure and jealous about her hanging out with this guy.

Has she said anything about this man to make you think she wants to discontinue her relationship with you? If she hasn't, you're overreacting.

I'm sure when you move to the new city, in the next few weeks, you'll meet this guy and, more than likely, find out he's a pleasant person and might even become a mutual friend.

If there was anything fishy going on, your SO wouldn't tell you anything about her actions with this man. She'd keep it a secret.

You two aren't together at this point and I'm sure she's lonely for you and nothing can be done about it. And she shares her love of dancing with this person, too.

Remember, you'll always have to share your SO with others some of the time, be they friends, acquaintances, future children, bosses, workplace associates, relatives. It's best to let SOs enjoy their time away from you, as it renews and recharges them.

But if this is something more deep-seated that really has nothing to do with her or what she's doing, and everything to do with you, maybe you should speak to a counselor about these feelings.

[DextroShade]

This is terrible advice.

[Screenwriter]

@DextroShade It might not be what you want to HEAR, but it is rational advice. Jealousy and lack of confidence in your relationship with this woman is coming more from you than from her spending some time with a man she enjoys dancing with.

I personally spent time with other men who were my friends while married. My husband was never threatened by my relationships with FRIENDS because that is all those other men were --- FRIENDS. I still have male friends who are very dear to me, but they are not SOs!

It doesn't matter what SEX people are. Platonic relationships exist between men and women. You need to work through your feelings about this. And I bet your girlfriend will also say, "George? George is a sweetheart and a great dancer. We have laughs together. What are you worried about? I love YOU!"

[Screenwriter]

Good luck! And best wishes...

[DextroShade]

Just because your husband is a simp and a cuck doesn't mean most other men should be.

[Screenwriter]

@DextroShade My husband was neither simp nor cuck. I wasn't having affairs with my male friends, just friendships that enriched my life. I expect that is what your SO is doing.

Not everyone is capable of have mixed-sex friendships. It appears you aren't. But don't think that those who DO are cheaters. I never cuckolded my husband. He trusted me and for good reason. It's called being faithful and having friendships with people you aren't sexually interested in and who also feel the same about you.

Do you want to have sex with your male friends? Of course you don't. I don't want to have sex with MY male friends either. And they don't want me in that way. That is what FRIENDSHIP and platonic relationships are about.

I'm sorry you don't understand that.

You have a negative attitude and are narrow-minded. This is why you lack confidence and trust with your SO and your relationship. Good luck.

[Violet_78]

Bring it up in a conversation with her. Or send her a message since she seems to be out of state at the moment. What you have written is very convincing that you aren’t trying to stop her from her hobby.
But I totally get why that makes you feel bad - and honestly if she can’t see that, then that’s a whole other problem in itself.

hopefully a chat can clear this all up

[foxrider77]

I’d meet another girl and spend one on one time. If your girlfriend questions it I’d say I’ll stop if you stop. Either way you have a back out plan. My experience wasn’t good when my girlfriend had a male friend and they did the one on one time. He was also a bad influence on her as he was a burn out.

[DextroShade]

Bro she already left you; once she moves to another state she's not your girlfriend any more. If she actually cared about you she wouldn't have moved. If it wasn't the guy at dance class there would be some other dude. Just cut your losses and move on.

[Jessica405]

It sounds like a little bit more than a friendship. I would call it a day. Leave her.

[bobalife]

How you feel is how you feel. It’s okay to express feeling uncomfortable, someone who love and respect you will be understanding where you’re coming from and hear you out. Are they doing lots 1 on 1 dancing/clubbing? It’s okay to have friends but tbh if I was taken I wouldn’t be doing that one on one so much with some new guy unless he’s like my close friend

[Curmudgeon]

Can you meet the guy? It's generally a wise policy for the man to meet the lady's male friends and likewise for her to meet your female friends. With that information, you can know where you stand at least.

[dustybiker2]

What is with the long distance relationship? You are both bound to find other people closer by. If you want her go live with her. Or at least by her.

[TommyMountainFigure]

As a starting point. Can I ask.. Are you moving down there permanently, and if so.. is it to move in with her?

[HateyouxD]

This is something I'd do if I'd cheat but she might not be cheating I just know dancing is sexy and hot. Your girlfriend may not be like me tho

[handsomelad70]

Yeah, but I'm a cruddy dancer.

[HaveNoName]

There is nothing abnormal to feel like you are feeling. Wait till they get into those contemporary dances where his hands are on her crotch half the time as they dance. There is nothing not inappropriate about such coupling.

[JacobJordan]

Relationship over. If she isn't already she will be

[laly520]

or maybe u could meet the guy n get to know him while keeping it friendly
at least that way u would know what type of guys he is

[MrDaveAPSI]

Girls will never understand that they can't trust men. While they can't trust men, You showing jealousy, will only push her away. Be confident in herself, and let her handle it

[Sameone]

Just move on man 😓
Long relationship never work 😞

[OtterMan68]

when they go out, do you go along or is it just them?

[Anonymous]

You are insecure and not emotionally mature enough for a relationship.

[KrakenAttackin]

He is or will be balls deep in her.

[jahaims]

If you don't trust your partner don't be with them

[Anonymous]

Dump her.

[Anonymous]

Is he gay?