Any thoughts on how to connect better socially with my autistic roomate? He doesn't seem to enjoy much of anything?

[Awesomesauce2005]

He's autistic, leave him alone.

Press him to join in social activities.

Other ideas?

A total of 24 votes were cast: 13 girls and 11 guys. See detailed results

[SallyTho87]

I recommend finding interests BOTH of you have, or any commonalities you two share. This way you can plan something enjoyable you both can do, to hangout and spend time together, while giving your roommate opportunity to focus his attention on the thing he loves, and learning to be more social, in a social setting, whilst enjoying time with you!

Ex: if your roommate really loves bears, or animals in general, or fish - and YOU also like animals, why not hangout a day at the zoo or aquarium? Invite a couple other people to hangout with you, and it will get him excited to actually go because it's one of his many interests and something he loves! So you are showing him you are interested in HIS interests, and you share HIS interest too, so he will be more likely to connect with you over time. :)

If he likes bugs, or trees, plants, etc. Invite him on a nature walk and go hiking on a trail. This way there's not an overabundance of people around, and you can interact with him, take pictures of the bugs, or interesting plants you see, and it will help him be more comfortable socializing while his mind is focused on his interests.

Listen to HIM. I wouldn't pressure him or cause him stress to join you in outings. Try to do something HE likes. Even if it means inviting a single friend over and playing a boardgame with him. Then, when he has had enough social time, allow him to decompress in his own room and relax, while you and your guest hangout. Introducing new people can be very difficult, especially to autistic people as change is a HUGE thing for them, it's something many do not like. I'd introduce friends in the comfort of his own home first, let him get to know your friends, before planning anything outside (trips, adventures, etc) with them, so he doesn't get overly stressed and feel alienated.

[bobalife]

It’s a little sad and frustrating reading some comments of discouragement… honestly, I think you’re admirable to wanna find more ways to connect with your roommate who happens to be autistic. I have an ABA background, I think it will be helpful to find out what he likes for hobbies or interests, then, it gets easier from there :) it may take a bit time. They can get a little hesitant or not sure on social skills given they’re autistic, but some are also very talkative. I think it will help to make him feel comfortable and also help guide him socially when needed.

[OtterMan68]

does he decorate his walls? Does he wear t-shirts with the names of bands or movie characters? What is he studying?

Maybe you can try to talk to him about those things, but don't seem pushy

[molonski2]

This is a tough one because he will be inconsistent , just go along , try to include him ( even if he does want ) make general conversation , and things will change from time to time.

[rosemilk]

do you need to connect? sometimes autistic people just want to be left alone lol social stuff is so draining

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You could just ask him what he likes. If he doesn’t like going out, you don’t force him, you just ask. I imagine he has special interests that he’s not sharing with you because you haven’t asked. If you want to connect with him, it has to be on his terms, not yours.

[Biancam13]

Maybe just invite him out / extend an invitation when you do go out. It's always nice to feel included in things, and he would probably appreciate that. Maybe knock on his door and say "Hey, we're all going to ___. Just wondering if you wanted to come?"

But if he declines or doesn't respond, don't press him to come out again. Just ask once and then leave it.

Good luck!

[Reem12345reem]

i guess get closer tohim and make him feel safe , if he notices that u judge people and mock them (even if it's a joke) then he won't feel safe around judgy people , so tyr your best to get closer to him but don't let him do social activities with other friends , just u and him first in the room , then gradually do activities in near by places like sitting in the lobby then in a cafe near your building then something more

just be gradual with it

[DaisyM23]

definitely don't push him into social activities, just get to know him like you would with anyone else and find some common ground, it could be over movies, sports, games, family, politics etc

[Astarlessnightsky]

Just ask, everyone has some sort of interest. But don't pressure anyone into an activity he/she hates.

[Awesomesauce2005]

He isn't interested in anything involving another person. He is the only young friend i have that actually has time to do stuff

[LadyKitty]

I have both a son and brother who is autistic. If you wish to connect with him then you need to show interest in things he likes before trying to get him to try new things!

[jahaims]

You are trying to socially connect in a neurotypical way not his ways so it won't work. Our brains works entirely different from yours. Most social overlap is the neurodivergent conforming to social norms via masking.

[menina]

I think you should leave him alone. Interacting with him might be a bad idea.

[WhitneySnow]

Ask his favorite hobby and connect with him about that

[Staximus]

Do you and him play any musical instruments? Have a jam session

[Anonymous]

He'll have his obsessions. Use those.

[MacDaddyRico]

Take him to a casino...

[Awesomesauce2005]

How about a topless bar lmao