(Details below) My boyfriend may have autism. How do I support him?

[Hollien]

So, my boyfriend (17M, Senior in Highschool) has recently gotten pulled aside and is being forced to take autism tests, so they can see if he should be in Special Education classes. He says that after every one of these sessions, (In his own words)...

"They make me feel like I don’t deserve you, which really hurts. Just.. like I can’t find true love, and I’m just some autistic kid that needs daily private lessons to make it through life. I end up feeling in-human and like a mistake. I know none of it is true, I know they don’t mean it. But it’s just how I feel."

And it's difficult because I don't know how to help him. I'll always be there regardless of if he does or doesn't have autism, but it's difficult to express that.

So.. thoughts? Ideas? Opinions? Would you stay in a relationship after an autism diagnosis? Can this last?

[caring__1]

It's important for both of you to know everyone deals with challenges. They just tend to be different for different people. I've actually found myself more impressed with the accomplishments of people who have greater challenges than the accomplishments of people who find everything comes easily.

Respect his comfort zone. If he is uncomfortable being touched, don't try to change him to suit your preferences. Within his limits, he is probably capable of being very unique and special. Appreciate what is rather than what you believe could be. If he feels you focus on his potential, he'll feel he'll never be good enough for you. Love him as a man, not as a child you can mother.

Share the specifics of what draws you to him. Don't just say "I love you." Say "I love how your sensitivity helps me see subtleties I hadn't previously been aware of." Let him know he opens your eyes to see new dimensions in all aspects of life, including seeing yourself in a totally different way, and this new discovery energizes you and makes you appreciate him more.

I don't like the terms "handicapped" or "disabled." People facing challenges aren't incapable of achieving their goals. They just learn new ways to go about accomplishing their objectives. Watching this movie of the true story of Temple Grandin might open your eyes to see opportunities you may not have previously seen. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1278469/

[GreekLorrd]

Firstly, it's important to remember that having autism does not make someone less deserving of love or make them a mistake. It's just a part of who they are, and there are many successful, happy individuals with autism.

To support your boyfriend, it's important to listen to him and validate his feelings. Let him know that you care about him and that having autism doesn't change how you feel about him. Encourage him to seek support from a therapist or counselor if he needs it.

It's also important to educate yourself about autism and how it may affect your boyfriend. This can help you better understand his experiences and provide support in ways that are helpful for him.

As for whether or not to stay in the relationship after an autism diagnosis, that is a personal decision that only you can make. It's important to consider whether you are willing and able to support your boyfriend's unique needs and how the diagnosis may affect your relationship in the future. However, having autism does not necessarily mean that a relationship cannot last or be fulfilling for both partners. With understanding, communication, and support, it is possible for relationships to thrive.

[Anonymous]

1. Figure what he is "lacking".

2. Be that thing for him.

If he can't plan things outside of his daily routine? Take care of that part for him. Be respectful about it, of course, and sit down with him to plan instead of sticking a plan in his face.

Does he not communicate well socially? Be his spokesperson.

You get the idea. "Beside every great man, there is a great woman". Not one of us ever really has it all together, but together you can have it at least 70% together, which is a lot more than most

[Twalli]

I don't know if this will help, but it might. You chose him, you keep choosing him. Tell him that it doesn't matter what he feels in regard to that, because if you felt the same you wouldn't keep choosing him every time you agree to go out with him. If you can make it a thing where you say you sometimes feel like you have to work hard to make sure you deserve him because he's better than you ever thought you could get. Since he's the best man in the world, you sometimes feel like you don't deserve him.

FYI, the best man in the world is subjective to you, but don't say best man in the world for me, just say best man in the world.

Source: I have Aspergers, which is a form of Autism.

Open for PM if you wish.

[worldscolide]

My wife is autistic. The best thing you can do is be there for him, and show him that he is indeed worthy of love.

[Anonymous]

Just keep doing what you're doing, the education system does that on account of being liberalism and everyone knows democrats and the nazis are from the same ends

[Iron_Man]

First of all, you have to see if it’s confirmed just be there for him give him your support 100% be loyal

[hammeronfire]

Don’t let this change anything between you. Who’s still gonna be the same guy

[Anonymous]

Get him a baseball and don't touch his ears.

[Anonymous]

i assume he was the one that asked you out, hit on you

[In_Trance]

How about getting an actual diagnosis first?