Search Results: being guarded

Met this girl (24) online who moved to my city 2 years ago for work and things moved fast. One 3 hour dinner at a restaurant & I got the impression that she was a complete "goody two shoes." We had so many values in common... so I thought :/
2nd date she invited me over and we slept together, which caught me off guard. She initiated everything, but I went with it b/c it felt special. I didn't finish and she said "I'm sorry I'm not very good at this" which got me thinking she had not been with many people.
2 wks later we were in a relationship & the only thing I knew about her past was her one and only 9 month relationship & some dating that didn't work out. A week later at 11:30pm she gets a missed call & text from a guy saying "Hey, I miss you." She explained it was a guy she dated earlier in the year. No big deal she didn't even reply.

A week ago and a text form her ex for a valid reason created another awkward situation, which led to me asking dangerous questions. How old she was when she lost her virginity & how many guys she had slept with? I didn't think I would get unsavory answers, but I did.

She lost her V at 20/21 (not a big deal), told me I was the 8th guy she had slept with & the last guy was 4/5 months before me. With her only being 24 & a 9 month relationship in there I did the math. From the time she broke up with her ex there was an 18 month period where she slept with 6 guys. Very unsavory info, but it gets worse... 2 of them were one night stands where she invited the guys over to her apmt the very first time, the other 4 she slept with after only 2-4 dates and one turned into a friends with benefits situation for 2 weeks :/

We have already BOTH fallen for each other hard and I'm devastated. She feels AWFUL, said she was lonely & admits the mistakes & how stupid she was. I feel like she was only after sex, had no respect for herself, didn't learn from the mistakes & am having a hard time seeing her as the same person I thought she was.

I asked this girl for her number today. She seemed caught off guard because I approached her while she was eating.
I excused myself for bothering her, and I asked for her number. She seemed a little shocked or lost. She kinda looked around and smiled at me, and asked if I wanted it now. She gave it to me, and I asked for her name and introduced myself.
She had been the person who took my order at the place we went for lunch.
I was happy, but something didn't feel right.
I sent her a message, and so far I haven't heard back.
Was she just being nice?

No, this isn't a post about gender identity. It's not a post about gender equality. It's a question about an experience and what it means to be male

Personally, I dont think it's great to be a guy as I hear it so often said. Everything surrounding it in this society usually comes with heavy expectations and misunderstanding. To be fair, a lot of this comes from our own gender. I feel we hold each other to higher expectations than we do ourselves. Our misdeeds are heavily criticized, our customs are expected and our behavior is moderated.

From birth, we are often told not to cry, but the we are criticized for not being able to open up. We are told to ask for help if we need it, but always told to man up when it's not there. Our insecurities are heavily guarded because, acknowledging them goes against our code. Be perfect, never fail, provide then... die?

I would go so far to say that there is an undertone of male disposability. 99% of work place accidents are male. We are 3.54 times as likely to commit suicide. And on average, live a whole decade less. However, suck it up buttercup.

In an odd way, it is rewarding to be a good man. To place others first. To protect. To be dependable and to support the ones you love at all costs.

But sometimes I wonder, is it really great to be a guy?

Leave a vote and ladies, feel free to chime in! Take care folks.