My experience with anxiety in a relationship

My experience with anxiety in a relationship

I promise it won't be long.
I premise that the experience I'm sharing here is not universal nor is meant to have any psychological/medical value whatsoever, they are just a couple of thoughts about my own experience in dealing with anxiety in a relationship.
Those are issues I'm already working out with a therapist, and although the results are more or less successful, I know the only way forward is to keep working on them and put even more effort into it.
So, in my experience the issues anxiety can make you face in a relationship are as follows.

- Constant comparison between our achievements

My experience with anxiety in a relationship

That's my primary issue and unhealthy to the max.
I could go on for hours about all her achievements and stuff she did while I achieved next to nothing - she's an accomplished photographer, drawer, posed, wrote a book, acted in a couple of independent projects, worked in all kinds of works fields, and is a certified nurse to booth.
On the other hand, I have no qualification higher than high school's, my poetry book is self-published, my stint into cultural initiatives and local politics failed and my job as "Security Manager" is little more than a glorified, lowly night guard.
I know those things shouldn't matter and that other, deeper things matter, but it still takes a good amount of effort to overcome those feelings.

- Costant callbacks to our relationship in High School

My experience with anxiety in a relationship

We went to High School together, and she was my senior and tutor (I'm 22, she's 25).
This often means, and that's an issue of both of us to be honest, that sometimes our relationship has shades of the dynamic we had in school. She's the smart, level-headed, accomplished one who has to teach me how to do even the most basic stuff and every proposition I come up with is seen as a bit childish and immature.
There is a fundamental lack of equality that we both recognize as an issue, and the thing we both notice is that the relationship is being handled like a school assignment, and especially her has a timetab on it - first relationship, then living together, then marriage, then...

- The anxiety follows in the bedroom

My experience with anxiety in a relationship

That's a given.
Thankfully, it doesn't result in problems with ED or in performing, but I do admit that sometimes I have this creeping sense of anxiety and dread when we engage in intimacy.
She reassured me and said everything is excellent for her and her needs, and she is very kind and constructive the rare times she does criticize or asks me to change something I do.
And yet, despite her overwhelmingly positive attitude, I do have this latent feeling something bad might happen or that she might find me useless if I failed to satisfy her even once.

- Constant comparison of our appearances

My experience with anxiety in a relationship

Another thing I should know better to not fall in.
I keep noticing how beautiful and attractive she is, while I'm not.
It's also one of the factors that brought me to work out even harder to get more fit and muscular and take more and more care of my appearance for her.
This lead to some misgiving as while she appreciates that I'm keeping myself healthy, fit and getting more attractive for her, she also wonders "who I feel the need to get attractive for" since she's already attracted to me.
It also lead to her pointing out how she stopped working out due to her new professional schedule, while I always squeeze in an hour or two even while working the night; how I stopped smoking while she's smoking even more, etc.
She laughs about it, but in the embarassed, upset way.

- Naturally, I am working on all of this and she's helping a lot

My experience with anxiety in a relationship

It's not something we are letting in the way of our relationship.
I know I owe her a lot for all she did for me, in those almost eight years we have known each other and in those months we have been together. I know she does see a future with me and fully knows what I can give her, an intelligent and talented woman like her is not the one to waste time with lost causes and such.

What about you?
Have you ever experienced any of those anxiety problems in your relationship, or experienced others? Share your experience.

My experience with anxiety in a relationship
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Most Helpful Girls

  • MorticiAddams
    My partner and I both suffer from anxiety issues, so I HEAR you! Fortunately it sounds like the two of you are doing an incredible job of letting communication and strong foundations carry your relationship through rough times! You're a great example to a lot of anxiety sufferers in relationships!!
    You've shown yourself to be a strong and caring person, and I wish the both of you the best of luck! And of course, I'm always here if you need to talk!
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you for your kind words, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!
      We are doing our best, especially her who's very patient, kind and reassuring!
      I'm sure both you and your partner are very close and supportive to each other about your own anxiety issues, and that you are both very kind and strong as well! That makes me really happy for you!

  • nerms123
    I think you two are helping each other work through a lot of issues and that’s a good thing. Most people have some sort of anxiety and it’s a good sign that you can talk about it. You need to look at yourself beyond just accomplishments because someone can have done a lot of things and still be an empty person. She obviously likes you a lot and it’s not just for money or prestige. She appreciates you for who you are.
    Is this still revelant?
    • You are perfectly right, thank you for your kind words and encouragements.
      That's the way I'm trying to work and deal with anxiety, and do the right thing for both her and me!

    • nerms123

      No problem 😊

Most Helpful Guys

  • JohnDon9
    Indeed , when such complexities start arising its difficult, everything you do becomes a dillema , but since you have spent 8 years already , wish you all the best for a better future, you will improvise with time , for the rest keep working out , stay fit and healthy , keep smiling 😁✌
    Is this still revelant?
    • That's very true, thank you for your kind words and encouragements!

    • JohnDon9

      And its better not to overthink , live the moment , and leave the rest to nature 😄

    • Poppykate

      I agree. Better to not overthink. It might be adding to your anxiety.
      Although, in modern society we seen to see anxiety as something to cure, rather than a symptom. I was having a lot of anxiety. So I asked myself some big questions. Why are you anxious? (The answer was that I was unhappy). So I asked myself what would make me really happy? And started making changes to get me closer to that state of happiness. Good luck to you.

    • Show All
  • Avicenna
    First of all, give yourself credit. You have fantastic foreign language skills and you got a successful and talented woman to become your girlfriend. Second, in no way should you compare yourself to your girlfriend.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you for your kind words encouragements, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!

    • Avicenna

      You're welcome.
      Thanks for the MHO

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • jessloudmouth
    Thank you for sharing and to be honest, I read a guy who questions himself and tries to gain perspective and what I also understood from your post is that you guys communicate well, which is truly amazing. Little advice though : on the first paragraph about comparison, I wanna point out that everyone has their own special path, and she's older than you so obviously, she would have more experiences, don't compare ! I've had a boyfriend who would feel bitter about my accomplishments and thought he wasn't good enough no matter how much I reassure him, then I had a setback in my career, and he dumped me afterwards: point is if you are unhappy with your career try to understand why in reference to your self and your personal goals and objectives, unrelated to her, it's the healthy approach to this matter and you will thank yourself later ! If you find a way to be satisfied within your professional life regardless of what other people think you will be proud of yourself and I bet so would she.
  • Robertcw
    Well my man. I can actually imagine shat dating is like from your posts. Keep it up. I love reading these. You're incredibly open and honest.
  • User_Friendly
    My last girlfriend was 14 years older then me. Hot, high sex drive, fun. But she loved to talk about her accomplishments and would always try and show me how to do things as if i was a baby. I broke up with her cuz i couldnt deal with the age gap. Best sexual connection I've ever had.
  • Manhart1999
    This is amazing insight tbh!! Haven't had good one from any for so long! Thanks, for sharing it! 😁🙂
  • Gsm24diecast
    Good take! I suffer from severe anxiety and I couldn’t imagine mixing that with a relationship..
  • Massageman
    It's great that you can be open about sharing your feelings with each other. You both just take each other "as is", which is refreshing - no fake stuff.
  • locoloco68
    With all that you said you're going to have a endless battle man I don't want to say this and I hope I'm wrong I really do you sound like a awesome guy and if she disses you will be one guy that she will regret losing I don't want to get your anxiety up I like I said I hope I'm wrong I really am I hope you guys work out half a dozen kids and grow old together but she going to get bored of you you already think she's better than you. And that she can do better than you believe me she can't find no one better than you from what I've heard you saying brother I feel in the long run or short run she's going to cheat on you she going to hurt you I know I'm not saying inspirational words but I'm telling you the truth don't let it bring you down don't let her control you say no more than usual argue every once in awhile. you're going to bore her not saying she doesn't love you but I've seen it I've experienced it
  • KaraAyna
    Good take
  • bhaywardd
    Good takem I've been there. It's scary
  • Browneye57
    Sometimes it's just not a match.
  • Anonymous
    one thing for sure, guys, men, are expected to get their anxiety issues handled more than women are, that's a fact.
    • Absolutely. Anyone who disagrees with this needs to explain their side.

    • Anonymous

      @User_Friendly ya, it has always annoyed me