When a guy wants to know how much you debt you have does it mean anything?

[Anonymous]

I told this guy i was living in paycheck to paycheck and things keep getting more expensive, and that i was in debt. I also asked if he thinks opposites attract he never answered my question instead asked how much debt i have? i was like you got me dead i asked you if you think opposites attract and you ask how much debt i have, he said it was the last thing i said and that he didn’t respect to my question yet but shouldn’t he have answered my question? anyway i was joking like are you avoiding my question and he said you’re obviously avoiding mine like I don't know why my debt is so important. i just asked him why he’s asking about my debt but he takes awhile to respond to me now :/

[Anonymous]

It means a lot actually. It indicates a level of your responsibility. How good or bad you are w finances. It also plays into a future w you as well if you two were to get married. Because as it is you’re living check to check, so if you two were to get together he’d still basically be single financially cause he’s having to take care of everything else financially since you really can’t contribute. Sure you two being together could equate to one monthly rent, giving you some spare cash, but even so if you’re really trying to get rid of your debt that extra cash should go toward that. It could also affect getting a loan for a house one day, maybe a better APR on a car, how much you pay for insurance, etc. You may say well it’s my debt he does t need to pay it. But even so your debt is going to affect both of you, because instead of you planning a future together financially like a house, maybe a vacation, all your money is going to debt. A big part of why relationships fail is due to finances. How much if I may ask is your debt?

[Asker]

i owe a little over $2000 but I am paying it off every single check! I put $600 out for bills so it’s clearly going away i just don’t want to tell him because i don’t think it should be his business when we are not together yet.

[Opinion Owner]

I can understand that. So if he said he was $250,000 in debt after you two got together, dating for maybe half a year, you’d be ok w finding that out after you invested that time? Honestly $2000 is not that bad. I doubt he would have a big issue w that. Now if we’re talking maybe $10,000 or more, it could be an issue. But I hope you understand what I mean as far as him asking what your debt is. Because like I said most relationships fail because of finances. Wouldn’t you rather build a life together for the two of you including a future family than paying off debt for the next 10 years or so? I know I would.

[Asker]

i guess you have a point, but i’m still worried he’ll judge me on why it’s not paid off yet since i make about $2400 a month with my job it’s just i procrastinate and like to take my time to pay things off so I don't know if he’ll be understanding of that

[Opinion Owner]

Well the way you explained it just now yes I’d kind of be put off. Why not just pay it off and be done w it? You’re going to end up pay a lot in interest. So instead of paying it off in a month or two it’s going to take you 6 mo the to a year. Pay it off. Be done w it. Do you live on your own?

[Opinion Owner]

Not only that if you’re worried he’s going to judge you on that wouldn’t the best thing to do to avoid him judging you be to pay it off? I mean really don’t like this dude or not? If so you’re willing to let $2000 that can easily be paid off, run a risk of potentially losing him.

[Asker]

I can’t pay $2000 off in full not if I have rent and bills but i’ve been trying really hard to get it done, i owe $800 now and im done

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. So why not do OT. Maybe sell some things. You need to get out of this as quick as you can. I work OT all the time, 2 OT shots brings me in about an extra grand a check. Do you have some money saved up?

[Asker]

I mean not really… but you know most people have debts he may not but that shouldn’t matter because i can pay it off on my own

[Opinion Owner]

Yes most people have debt because they don’t know how to manage money or how to invest it. You don’t think k it matters but to him it does. In a relationship w you what are expecting the financial burdens to be divided? Who will pay for what? Will it be 50/50?

[236color]

Yeah it means one of two very different things. First, and hopefully more likely, he's considering a long term commitment and wonders how much debt he's going to be taking on if he does this. It may sound mercenary, but it's practical and wise. Money troubles are the cause of MANY divorces. Second, less likely, is he's wondering if he can scam more out of you.

If you come to the conclusion that he's not a scammer, and you're also interested in a commitment, another conversation that should be had is about sexual desires/expectations. Sex problems are the other major cause of divorce. If 4 times a week becomes once every 4 weeks 1 year in, someone is going to be very frustrated. Also if activities that were common are no longer on the menu, a partner can feel bait and switched, that leads to resentment.

[Xoxocutekitty]

There was definitely a point in my life where I was "living paycheck to paycheck" because I was trying to live off of 50% of my income at $17-$19/hr. It was definitely difficult and I'm sure 1-2 suitors dismissed me because I wasn't as interested in having quality material things or travelling every long weekend to exotic places that some other girl could afford.

It's a catch 22, the right guy will recognize your hard work and responsibility, but you also have to actively pitch it like it. There are plenty of people who are TERRIBLE with money and are also living paycheck to paycheck. why would anyone take that chance if they didn't have to?

Either find someone on a similar path (or someone who's dug themselves out, or also saving their way up).

[DishLady]

It depends on the type of relationship they have. One person I know was asked about debt because the direction of the relationship was about to change and they were planning to pool resources to consolidate and eradicate their respective debt (college loans etc.) in a logical way. For that person it meant getting married to his girl two months earlier than expected (so she would be under his insurance and he would be covered under one of her HR benefits... It worked out for them.

I would not presume that ALL people asking about money are operating with the same considerations in mind (for marital stability to lead to financial stability). This would have to be assessed on a case-by-case basis.

[sage2021]

You just never will know what his intentions were in wanting to know how much debt you owe.

He might have wanted to know because he could be one of those guys who end up taking all of your money you have saved.

You've probably seen these guys on TV where they have relationships with several women. They find out if they have money - then scam them for everything they are worth.

It's terrible what they do to these vulnerable women because he convinces them they love them and are going to stay with them.

I would have said Nonya! None of your business.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It means a lot. I’d not want to be with someone with a huge debt, I, myself never take debt from anyone. Doesn’t matter what, I use my money.

Even when I had an injury and didn’t work for more than three months, I didn’t accept any financial help and instead used my savings and was helping my family on top of that.

[Anonymous]

You want the truth? Men have been hammered nonstop the last decade with how they need to "man up" and take responsibility and not be a video game playing, unemployed, whiny loser who whacks his pud in his mom's basement as a trooper in the manoshoere of entitlement who thinks he deserves a 10. Yes, I've heard all of this. Constantly. He likely has too. So after hearing all of this and being looked at 😒😒😒by women who don't even know him daily for all these lovely stereotypes, all he wants to know is 1 thing... how entitled and responsible are YOU? Because he's being told every day to carry the weight of a front end loader. He's trying to find out if you can carry the weight of a gym bag. So far, his assumptions are proving correct.

[serious_miss419]

I wouldn’t say it’s just guys, women are sometimes this way too. It’s a personal thing really..
Preference would be someone that’s responsible with their money to a level of control and stability in their lifestyle.
Some folks just don’t like that in others - no biggy.

[sheikalana]

Could be multiple reasons. I wouldn't get in a relationship with someone who's in debt as it comes off as being bad at managing their finances and expenses. Could be him thinking you're trying to take advantage of him.

[avery58]

It may be to get an idea of how responsible you are. Or he's scared that if he dates you, you'll want him to help you pay off the debt

[BonzoInBitburg]

Living paycheck to paycheck means you already can't pay off any debt and you'll need someone to bail you out

[Asker]

i am living paycheck to paycheck BECAUSE I AM PAYING OFF MY DEBT! Literally every check about $600 goes to my debt and the rest to bills and at the end i’m broke,

[BonzoInBitburg]

It's good that you're paying it off and it sounds like you're on the right track but any guy who has his shit together will look for someone without debt. You'll be much more attractive when your finances are in order.

[lightbulb27]

Thats the right communication for him to hear.

[AviatorTom]

If he is even remotely thinking of a relationship with you, he wants to know how responsible you are with money. No guy wants to get stuck with a woman who can't handle money.

[ProbablyClueless]

He asked about your debt because you're the one who brought it up. That question didn't come out of nowhere, he was responding to you.

It doesn't mean anything

[DrPepper12]

You're at the age for wedding bells so he likely is sizing up an economic partner as much as anything else. You should have been honest and direct.

[itsclearlynicholas]

I'd like any future girlfriend to know I'm not in debt and neither would I want to hear she is ♀️👠

[Booklover_90]

He’s trying to figure out if you’re going to be a financial burden.

[FuqUFggt]

He wants to know how stupid you are and if you are a waste of his time and life. Debt is for stupid losers.

[In_Trance]

This is not a trick question. This is a dealbreaker

[Asker]

i didn’t think of it that way.. that makes me want to avoid answer it even more but i’m pretty sure he already knows that it’s bad

[jamesgoldman]

Because it's a serious ms5 you j to

I've zero bexiim a an my

[LiamJHayden]

You brought it. It is natural for him to wonder.

[mayurr]

A person who doesn't discuss finances is a red flag.

[HelpfulWoman]

i mean, immature on both your parts.

[Asker]

how? i asked if he thinks opposites attract I don't know how that is immature but him asking me how much my debt is, is

[HelpfulWoman]

aged 26 and you're choosing to die on a weird hill about "i'm not going to answer your question you didn't answer mine"... yeah i hope the dude skips this... its honestly a more important question that yours. blue anon answers why that is pretty well, so kudos to them!

[Finchie40]

It means you should look for another guy

[Apple1996]

I would be curious about the debt as well