Search Results: dry sex

The only reason I am reposting this for others to answer and see and maybe the one who couldn't because I was having so many errors posting it then only half would post.

When I was quitting drugs and my mind was slipping actually gone it was gone after what I had did at my apartment before I came to live with two of my friends instead of being homeless. I regret how I acted there. So much. When I slept I couldn't control my body I would do this groin grinding action like I was having sex with a ghost. I used to wake up and peak around to make sure no one was seeing. One time it was my dear friend that was so kind to me. I was learning how to read and interact again with society that I had separated myself from for years. I wanted to change I wanted to get stronger because I wanted to be more like my two friends especially the one. One night before I left and before I told her I love here I thought people was going to come in with guns so all night I waited with a knife to bring to a gun fight lol. I understand why she told me to get out. I sent here crazy texts because I was crazy my brain and body was healing slowly and I was struggling to get off the drugs. I wanted instead of tearing down the world around me to make it seem that I am good enough and the people in it to build myself up to be a better person. It was all because I had so much love for one person for who she had always been that I changed I gained my sanity back slowly on the streets by myself the first year I managed to quit the drugs. The second year I realized I was a dry addict with out the drugs and had a fraction of the old behavior with out the drugs. So I gave up a job and a apartment and went to the ogden rescue mission to donate a year of my life to helping others while I help myself doing something I would never have done before. I then went and got my cdl and became manager of a family dollar. I know I acted like that crazy stalker I am feel shame for that.

So when I was a kid, my brother's friends who were all 2 or 3 years older than me would often pick on me. One, in particular, was sorta fucked up, he would tackle me and dry hump me through our clothes, this was within full view of my brother and my mom on multiple occasions. I blocked it out most of my life but something triggered the memory recently, we happened to be picking him up from his house in my moms' minivan (she was driving), I was like 10 at the most meaning my brother and friends were around 12~13 and I was out of the car so he could get in. He saw me and ran at me, I curled up in a ball as he tackled me, he started humping, I yelled for him to stop and asked for someone to get him off but my mom just sat there as my brother and all his friends laughed at him, went on for I don't know how long but he eventually stopped then we got into the van and before I shut the door he was doing it again, same deal, it felt like an eternity at the time but now it feels like maybe 10 minutes though I'm sure both times are wrong. I didn't understand this for the longest time, but this wasn't normal behavior for someone to display, I remember laughing afterward but I didn't really comprehend what was happening or that it was wrong, only knowing "that's what dogs do to each other", I think I was laughing primarily cause that's what everyone else did and since nobody stopped him then "it must have been okay". I've never spoken to a therapist about this, nor reported him to someone, nor have I confronted my mom or brother about it. It just reappeared in my head one day while I was talking to my friend and she asked if I thought HBO sex scenes made me uncomfortable because of my virginity.