Why does he suddenly need more space?

[Samanthamariexo]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating almost a year now, I am 21 and he is 22. He recently started a new job that is very physically demanding. Since then, he rarely wants to be intimate, he overall pays less attention to me physically (kissing, cuddling, etc.) and he is always on edge. Every time I ask him about it, he says that he is just always exhausted, as we usually hang out in the evenings after work. I’m always the one to initiate sex, and a lot of the time he only will engage if it’s in the morning or a day he doesn’t have work. (by the way, the actual sex is still passionate and good for both of us, it’s just way less frequent). On top of this he just overall is more distant. Me and him used to text 24/7, and while some people feel that’s a lot, it worked for us both and we were happy with that. Now it’s spaced out texts and dry responses. I constantly try and communicate with him and want to understand if this is really just because of his new job or if there are other problems in the relationship he’s avoiding talking about but he tells me that I am over thinking and it’s in my head, and he’s just always exhausted now and needs some space to relax sometimes. It’s not that I NEED to have sex constantly, it’s more that I feel less attractive to him and less wanted by him when he turns down intimacy because I was so used to doing it more frequently. Is this just him needing space due to exhaustion and us getting more settled into the relationship? Or does it sound like BS? As a girl who’s clingy (and he also used to seem a bit clingy), it’s hard for me to understand the change in affection. What can I do to help this situation, and at least get less dry responses?

[Screenwriter]

You can't do anything to alter his responses or change the situation.

Why don't you believe that his demanding job is draining him? And it's just a fact that he had more time and energy to devote to you whe nhe wasn't physically working so hard.

The fact that he's intimate early in the morning, AFTER he's had time to rest, indicates that he makes time for. you. But people only have so much energy to spare.

Maybe you can make dates on days when he's not working to make up for lost time.

I don't think this has anything to do with you. People who are tired don't want to chit chat. You need to understand that IT IS HIS JOB. ANd over time he will ikely get used to his job and the exertion that it takes to do it. Then things might be a little better.

But in the meantime. Make day off dates and see where that goes. And GIVE THE GUY SOME SPACE!!! Good luck..

[ccs884]

it sounds like he’s j really stressed out, tho i can see why you are concerned. be understanding about it when you approach him, but say that you have been feeling distant lately and it’s important to you to not drift away from him. ask him what you can do to help.

[EtherealGuy]

Honestly, the best thing to do is be an adult, for lack of a better term. Sit down with him, say what you want and be blunt about it - us men are thick-headed, especially when tired. However, most men appreciate a straightforward question.

Chances are he's just very tired from work, doesn't have the time or energy to text you. That, or you're just settling into each other's company a bit more. Longer term relationships are more to do with mutual understanding than constant attention.

Just ask him, basically.

[ijoinedtoask3]

I think he is just tired. Don't think too deep into it, his mind is probably too occupied with trying to rest when he gets back home, so he doesn't have enough mental capacity to be intimate.

In the wise words of your boyfriend "You are overthinking it"

[ComradeCurze]

He's reaching for your attention. Don't give into it.

[Guy13]

Your clinginess is going to blowup the relationship.

[_Aragorn]

Well, could it be he is not happy with his new work? Maybe it is too much demanding.