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So I’ve had an online friend for a few years and he started wishing me a happy birthday every year after we got to know each other a little better. There were times where he would & I wouldn’t, when that were the case, he’d follow up a few days or maybe a week after saying I forgot it was his birthday (more subtly). Last year, he wished me a happy belated & this year I decided to also be more laid back. I just asked him if he had a good birthday maybe a day or two after it actually happened, I sent him that message after he followed up with me about something else. He leaves me on read yet continues to view my IG stories.

This has always been the case, he’s always one of the first to see my stories but may go weeks without msging me. A few years back, he’d literally go weeks without replying but will be the first person to see my stories or comment. But when I’d take long to get back to him, he’d *jokingly* say that I’m ignoring him or ask if I’m busy. Honestly I don’t feel like I did anything wrong so I don’t see the need to reach out, it just seems hypocritical. You can be busy but I can’t? He hasn’t made a comment like that in years & his response time has gotten better. I have a tendency to delete people when my frustration has built up, I don’t know if it’s an avoidant personality style trait.

I just…couldn’t bring myself to confront him and ask if he was upset with me. I just felt apathetic yet hopeless in a way, even though I had total control. It’s been over 5 months since I heard from him and we’ve never gone that long without talking, so I took a hint and removed him (unfollowed him/he’s no longer able to follow me) from my IG. He’s still on FB, gaming app & linked in but those platforms are a lot less personal. Now I officially have no “friends” and at 30F I should be A LOT more upset but it’s more worrying about how I’m perceived. Is avoidant attachment the cause? Or excuses and I’m just a shitty friend?

So I’d listen to Harry’s House and imagine he had Harry’s mind. And that he liked me back secretly.