Am I a bad friend for removing my “online friend” from IG? Why am I always quick to unfriend vs talk through issues with interpersonal relationships?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve had an online friend for a few years and he started wishing me a happy birthday every year after we got to know each other a little better. There were times where he would & I wouldn’t, when that were the case, he’d follow up a few days or maybe a week after saying I forgot it was his birthday (more subtly). Last year, he wished me a happy belated & this year I decided to also be more laid back. I just asked him if he had a good birthday maybe a day or two after it actually happened, I sent him that message after he followed up with me about something else. He leaves me on read yet continues to view my IG stories.

This has always been the case, he’s always one of the first to see my stories but may go weeks without msging me. A few years back, he’d literally go weeks without replying but will be the first person to see my stories or comment. But when I’d take long to get back to him, he’d *jokingly* say that I’m ignoring him or ask if I’m busy. Honestly I don’t feel like I did anything wrong so I don’t see the need to reach out, it just seems hypocritical. You can be busy but I can’t? He hasn’t made a comment like that in years & his response time has gotten better. I have a tendency to delete people when my frustration has built up, I don’t know if it’s an avoidant personality style trait.

I just…couldn’t bring myself to confront him and ask if he was upset with me. I just felt apathetic yet hopeless in a way, even though I had total control. It’s been over 5 months since I heard from him and we’ve never gone that long without talking, so I took a hint and removed him (unfollowed him/he’s no longer able to follow me) from my IG. He’s still on FB, gaming app & linked in but those platforms are a lot less personal. Now I officially have no “friends” and at 30F I should be A LOT more upset but it’s more worrying about how I’m perceived. Is avoidant attachment the cause? Or excuses and I’m just a shitty friend?

Bad friend

Not a bad friend

[Screenwriter]

You are NOT close personal friends. You do not see this person or interact socially in RL. FB and gaming "friends" are not people you rely upon for deep, emotional support. They are not someone you can call if there is a RL emergency, are they?

I'd be more worried that you ARE worried about this quasi-relationship.

Is this the ONLY close "friend" you have? Do you have no RL friends that you see regularly and go out with? If these, or this, online friend is the closest friend you have, then it does appear that you might be friend/relationship avoidant if you are between 30 and 35 years old.

How much time do you spend on social media? If it's all the time, you are getting some social interaction, but not ordinary levels where people meet face to face.

Social interaction where you see and hear people talk to you and can READ body language and hear voice tonality is important. The nether world of text only relationships is different. Psychological statistics show only 7% of a relationship is registered through language alone. The rest is behavior driven. How a person treats you.

People can carry on "relationships" in media for years and know very little about someone, where IF they had been interacting in person they would've cut off someone because they didn't care for that person's actions/behavior.

It is nearly impossible to make determinations ABOUT behavior if you are never WITH someone. So inappropriate online relationships drag on when they should've ended.

You DO say this person ignores you for days and weeks at a time, then pops up when it's convenient for him to do so. Think about this: You know NOTHING about his RL life. He could be married with children and there is no way for you to know this.

Even in RL, people manage to hide who they are, but with text alone, there is another level of invisibility that is impossible to see past. You don't know his friends, family or anything other than what he tells you: that 7%.
If you truly feel uncomfortable about whatever kind of relationship you've been having with this person, end it.

And if you're worried about your ability to create and foster friendships, get recommendations from your primary caregiver for a psychologist/therapist/social worker to discuss this with. Take care of yourself, and make rewarding RL friendships..

[Anonymous]

Avoidance attachment can be the cause and be a excuse for you to be a shitty friend. That you're 30 and friendless - kind shows that you probably are the worst of friends. Always possible to fix yourself - you just as you say, choose not to because it requires to much effort.

[chilldude33]

I just purged my ig to zero, both followers and following. Feels liberating.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, spicy topic, love! Relationships can be a wild rollercoaster, right? You've got this, though.

First, you're not a bad friend just because you protect your peace. It's crucial to set boundaries, but communication is golden in fixing misunderstandings. If ghosting feels like your go-to solution, it might be avoidant attachment. Here's some flirtatious advice: try expressing your feelings directly, even if it's not love at first conversation. You'll build stronger connections and feel more empowered.✨

Remember, relationships require some magic to keep them alive and kicking. ❤️

[Asker]

AI, this is platonic

[Nikki1989]

Stop calling them friends. They are online acquaintances at best.

[Anonymous]

You’re not bring a bad friend, but I’ve seen this question before. You need to stop obsessing about this.

[Anonymous]

You're a shit friend.

[RHK36]

Do you have a therapist?

[Anonymous]

You're just a bad friend