How to peel out of this friendzoneship, or should I?

[Anonymous]

So, long story. Met a guy on an app. We took a while to get to know each other, then figured out it wouldn't work out because of our beliefs. No one ever tried to make it official, it's a "just friends" thing (we aren't sexually involved or anything). But he texts me constantly every day.

At first I thought it was because he liked me, but now I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm moral support. I make him feel loved when other women ghost him, breadcrumb, etc. I'm always in the background. I could be meeting other guys.

I put a lot of energy into getting to know this guy and, stupid me, I felt special. I felt loved. I grew to care about this guy. I've been in two relationships in my entire life, and the last one was to a marriage to a guy who cheated, abused, and ultimately fell out of love with me. I found out in my late 20s that my mom hated me and wanted me to die, basically that my parents didn't really love me. I'm lucky that I've met people who really do love me who are like family to me, but I'm still very hurt. I don't want to repeat the same feeling.

I don't want to stay in an energy where I feel disposed of. I don't want to exit this like it's a big deal though. I can't just flake away, because he constantly texts me. We're supposed to meet, and I don't have an excuse not to go. I just want to escape this and forget about it.

[quaranta]

If he is an actual friend, then you trust each other, and you should feel free to talk about this to him. What is untold here is: 1) You aren't sure about what you are for him, 2) You feel used as a moral support and dislike feelings like a forever "second one", compared to what you provide. 3) You have feelings for him, so you want to quit in order to move on.
I hope you have the freedom to tell him about these 3 things, so that things will start to change and if you want to disappear at least he will understand the reason, not blaming your for randomly ignoring him, trusting you don't hate him.

On the other side: sure, you have different beliefs, but matching with someone of your same belief proven to not be necessarily a granted happy ending, and neither your family (I assume of same belief) proven any good trait. That doesn't mean any person of your religion is bad, but that means the religion alone is not a warranty at all and that all depends on how good a person is, so maybe religion could be treated with a lower priority while you select a partner. Might the feelings for this guy make you soften about religion? Don't get me wrong, I belive incompatibilities in religion are very problematic in couples and should be avoided, but it depends: if one is a believer (in anything) and the partner is an atheist, than that's a big problem in compatibility because the reality itself is perceived in an entirely different "way", while if you are both believers (in anything, respectively different) at least you perceive the reality in a similar way, just with different "actors" in the spiritual dimension, but many religions share extremely similar concepts behind. There could be compatibility in that case, if you both aren't too strict about that. If it wasn't for religion, would he be "the one"? (that's a question for yourself, because when you'll tell him about your feelings and the need to depart, he might actually try to keep you back and the discussion about your incompatibility and possible compromises might be presented again).

[Anonymous]

Is he aware you like him more then a friend? I say tell him how you feel, you never know he might be wanting to be with you.

[Asker]

I'll think about it, but I have a sense that it's a bad idea. I also feel like he's moved on. It's not like I have nothing to lose either. I'm trying to give myself a break from pain right now.

[Opinion Owner]

If he doesn't feel the same way a least you won't have to sit around wasting your time wondering how to get out of the friendzone.

[Asker]

I'm trying to get out of the whole connection.

[Avicenna]

Id there anything you would get out of friendship with him? Or at least meeting up?

[Asker]

I think what's difficult for me right now is the sense of connection, then knowledge that he's sleeping with someone else. Maybe, but I don't know if it would be worth putting myself through.

[Avicenna]

Seems to me you could get a guy who isn’t having sex with someone else

[Asker]

He isn't right now, it's just more of an inevitability.

[Guy13]

I woukd get out of the whole connection with this guy

[Asker]

Thanks. Would you mind giving me reasons, so that I don't talk myself out of it?

[Anonymous]

If you are bothered by what is going on, doesn't it mean the subject of "we figured out it wouldn't work" isn't you two, but he only?
And you still would like it to be a story between you? Also: he asked for a meeting: on what grounds did he say a meeting was in order?

[Chill_Thoughts]

If you leave now then you're not even giving it a chance. You've invested so much, be honest about it with him. Worst case scenario you move on knowing that it really didn't work, but at leat u tried

[In_Trance]

If you figured out it wouldn't work, then what are you even doing?