How do you destroy a sincere and mutual friendship in order to get out of the Friendzone?

[coachTanthony]

Updates

+1 y

Anyone in the Friend Zone listen up! You put yourself there plain and simple. You are still there because you have "settled" for this person in a "friendship" way and you suffer everyday for it.

You can't have primal attraction when the other person sees you as a brother or sister. You need to flip the paradigm on top of it's head. If you lose them as a friend then so be it! I would rather be rejected and understood then ambiguous in my actions.

[BlackRoseFairy]

Uhm... you don't? This is a hard one...
Theoretically speaking I'd say the first step would be to make sure the other person has those type of feelings too, otherwise it isn't worth to begin with. Then weight the positives and negatives of changing your relationship with this person. And also imagine how things will be without them, in case this backfires. And what consequences this might have - common workspace, common friends, etc...
I'd also sit down and imagine us as a couple, he's my friend, so I know his traits and his weaknesses, right? He's a great friend, but can I live with them in a relationship? It might be ok for him as a "friend" to be forgetful and me having to remind him of plans or something he has to do, but maybe in a relationship this could be a reason for fights?
Considering that you have taken the above points in mind and that you are confident that there can be a relationship that is worth the sacrifice of a good friendship, I'd find an opportunity to talk to him.

[coachTanthony]

You can't have primal attraction when the other person sees you as a brother or sister. You need to flip the paradigm on top of hits head.

[BlackRoseFairy]

Valid point. 🤔 maybe I would find an opportunity to discuss with him how he would see me as a "third" person and later (meaning a while later in the same conversation) I would elaborate on what he's looking for in a relationship or a woman in general. And then hope that he connects the dots...(?)
P. s. I'm not really sure about what I just wrote, but still would like to hear what you have to say

[coachTanthony]

I think that what you said would be a bit timid hoping any guy would connect the dots... If I were a female in this situation I would destroy the friendship in many ways by flirting more, dressing as if I were on a date, be more playful... basically let him see that you are someone that he would be attracted too. I would want to see his reactions more then any words he might express.

[BlackRoseFairy]

You gave me something to think about! Thanks coach! 😉☺

[SueShe]

Thank you coach for asking people how to explain in detail how to destroy a healthy relation.

I place it on the same level as asking people for their advice on how to proceed to cheat on their employers or how to commit a crime without leaving traces.

For the first time I must admit that I am disappointed that you need to give ideas to guys how to wiggle themselves in a happy couple's relation and to destroy what they built up.

Congratulations!

[coachTanthony]

Awesome... Thanks!

[IIGrifterSixII]

Drop her! Men and women are never really friends. You are just orbiting and she knows. she's just another chick. Men be friend with men , go do men stuff. Work on you. Hit the Gym, take a class , discover a hobby, study the art of PUA. Women aren't that kind of special. Build your value. Love being you and eventually a girl in one of your new spheres will give you the signs. If too much time goes by go pay for an high score escort. Shell be hot and will release enough tension where normal girls 5-7 or 8 just won't have the same kind of pull

[Anonymous]

The friendship isn’t what keeps someone in the friendzone. It’s the lack of the other person wanting to fuck them.

Ruining the friendship won’t help. Being hotter might.

[Jammers14]

Haha this is so true!!! I love this comment.
High five dude!!

[coachTanthony]

Ha Ha Ha maybe!

[SydneySentinel]

I'd only attempt to do so if I knew it was going to lead to something incredible. And if I wasn't positive that it would, the risk would have to be insanely appealing.

[btbc92]

Simple, date other people so that person can run away from you. Why destroy someethi my sincere and genuine? If that's the case then it was not sincere and mutual. There is no friendzone. A person like that doesn't value or love you. I learned that the hard way with people. Girls especially will grow depress and never trust a man again. That's what happened to me. I AM now more careful who I allow in my heart.

[Neeceeb7]

You can't ruin the friendship and then resurrect it to a romantic one. Not gonna work

[coachTanthony]

You don't ruin it... you DESTROY it! It works! LOL

[Neeceeb7]

If you destroy it your not gonna come back as a boyfriend. If you just want to be out of friend zone ya that will be gone your right

[coachTanthony]

You can't help who you love you just do. You need to shock the system of the friendship and I mean really shock it... can't be this let's sit down and talk about our feelings crap. You need to spark that primal attraction or not... could go either way but they must see you in a different light in order for it to change. That is my two cents !

[Neeceeb7]

It's a plan and can't be worse then doing nothing

[coachTanthony]

It's worth a shot... and yes it's better then doing nothing.

[Neeceeb7]

Ya I dont know I have always treasured true friendship with a guy I find they are more loyal and better then actually sleeping with them. I have friendships that have lasted through a few marriages. It's too easy to find sexual partners. I'll just love them as friends

[monkeynutts]

Im going for the option of never getting friend zones in the first place, you only have one life, it should be spent in a intimate and meaningful relationship with a woman, I'm going to give girls 2 weeks from now on, figure out what they want, make a decision, if it's me, snap me up, or forget it. I'm too tired to procrastinate.

[HOAAH]

Make it awkward, by flirting and trying to kiss/touch them romantically.

[coachTanthony]

Making it awkward is definitely a good start!

[13IsALuckyNumber]

You don’t. If love isn’t happening, it won’t happen. My father always says, “Love is like a fart, if you force it, you’re gonna get shit.”

[coachTanthony]

Wise man! LOL

[Avicenna]

I have no experience even thinking about this, much less trying it, but if pressed, I would suggest spending a lot of time doing fun activities with her so that she gets a glimpse of how much fun it would be to have me as her boyfriend rather than a mere platonic friend. Over time, she'd warm up to the idea and develop some attraction as we went dancing, took walks, dined, watched movies and hung out together.

[Anonymous]

Why? If the other person doesn't want to be anything more than friends, you're not going to convince them otherwise. I'd personally much rather stay friends than destroy the friendship.

[Opinion Owner]

Per your update: If you would rather have nothing to do with the person at all than be their friend, did you really value the person in the first place or did you just want to use them for sex? Maybe I don't get it because I always want to be friends and get to know each other well before I consider dating since I form attraction based off of an emotional connection, but if I sincerely liked the person, I wouldn't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

I mean, it's your choice, I just don't understand this mentality.

[coachTanthony]

You are missing the point of the Friend Zone. What you are describing doesn't even come close to what I am talking about. I am not sure how else to explain it.

Sorry you are not understanding.

[Opinion Owner]

Isn't the "friend zone" when someone would rather stay friends than enter a relationship with you?

[coachTanthony]

YES but what are the reasons why they don't want a relationship with you? If you did everything in your power to spark primal attraction and they simply don't want anything more then a friendship then you have a choice... stay friends with them or not.

Now the other case which happens most of the time is... you don't attempt to spark attraction out of fear or nervousness so the other person's feelings are a bit confused in the beginning... but they will eventually just decide to put you in the Friend Zone and move on.

Most of the time YOU want them to know how you feel but you chicken out and weeks or even months go by and you care for them deeper and deeper now but they have no idea. So staying friends with them at this point would be miserable and suffering. Staying friends with someone you feel that deeply about is near impossible without feeling hurt on a daily basis.

So you have two choices... to keep suffering or try and spark primal attraction and if it doesn't work simply walk away. Most don't try they just tell the person how they feel foolishly thinking they might feel the same way. They won't feel the same way because you did nothing to spark any attraction.

[Opinion Owner]

I think people should be upfront about their feelings, yes. I feel like way too many people play silly high school games rather than just being honest about how they feel and are shocked when it doesn't work out.

However, if someone doesn't have feelings for you, they just don't. You won't be able to spark any sort of attraction. If it hurts to much to be around them, then you don't have to be friends with them. You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to.

[Browneye57]

You don't. The 'friendzone' isn't an intentional thing, it's where a woman puts a guy that she thinks is nice, validates her, and does shit for her, but she has zero romantic or sexual interest in him. If he's weak he'll keep trying, just hoping and praying she'll change her mind. Ain't never happening.
Once the vag-tingles stop, or if there never were any, she's never going to want to have sex with him. Period. This is non-negotiable.

[TacocaT6969]

Not destroying friendships is a main purpose of the friendzone.

Do you really want to risk losing a friendship over this?

[coachTanthony]

You need to get them to see you more then just friends. You need to destroy those friendly feelings in order to spark attraction.

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like a big risk. Why lose the friend forever? Isn't their friendship valuable. So what they don't wanna be your lover. You can't always get what you want. A friendship might be more valuable in the long run though.

[coachTanthony]

Can’t help who you love... you just do.

[Screenwriter]

You should care what the other person wants. They don't want to be more than freinds. Why try to force something that won't work for them.

[coachTanthony]

You’re assuming.

[Screenwriter]

Then seems like you could take a direct and nondestructive approach. If there's mutual attraction. Friendship could develop into love. What i don't understand is the destructive element.

[coachTanthony]

Primal attraction isn’t friendly... there’s never mutual attraction in a long term friendship... you have to create it. It’s just that simple.

[renee777]

Have you considered just asking them out on a date? If they reject you, then if it really is a sincere friendship then you will still remain friends. If they say yes, then hey, you’re out

[SueAnon84]

Have sex with them. Temp them in the "nastiest" ways if you know what I mean!

[GermanGuy87]

I need more information do you actually have a proven method or maybe something that worked at least one time

[LIM1T]

By flat out telling them you want more. That will either break the friendship or bring it to the next level. You reveal your cards and it's up to them to decide.

[4spie]

Destroying the friendship won't get you a romantic relationship. It will just lose you a friend.

But if you want to stop wasting mental energy on wanting what you can't have, just put the person in question on the back burner.

[ChiPaPa]

I generally break off a friendship if I develop feelings for someone.

[paintdoc]

If it is truly sincere,. The term "destroy" seems to be a poor choice of words for me. I'm confused maybe, if it were sincere and mutual, why would you want to destroy it?

[coachTanthony]

You don't want to break the friendship you want to destroy it. You can't have primal attraction when they look at you like a brother or sister.

[frerardsprincess]

Either stay just friends or give up the relationship completely

[ninjaykie]

Tell them how you really feel and that you want more and you dont wanna be friends anymore. That'll surely break your friendship

[coachTanthony]

You don't want to break the friendship you want to destroy it. You can't have primal attraction when they look at you like a brother or sister.

[hansukota]

You can work yourself up from friend zone but destroying friendship with the person won't help in anyway infact it will reduce the chances even low

[Creepazoid]

Stop the froendship and dont contact her in any way for 2 years. Freeze her out of your life. Thats the ONLY way