Search Results: importance of experience

(From Lisa Firestone Ph. D.)

Secure Attachment Style: Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed & go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent yet loving toward each other.

Insecure Styles
Anxious Preoccupied: desperate for their partner to rescue or complete them, sey’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner. When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive.

They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears, e. g. if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”

Dismissive Avoidant: have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They often come off as focused on themselves. They tend to lead more inward lives, denying the importance of loved ones & detaching easily from them.

They are psychologically defended. Even in heated or emotional situations, they're able to turn off their feelings & not react. For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”

Fearful Avoidant: afraid of being both too close to, or too distant from, others. They try to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings. They're overwhelmed by their reactions and often experience emotional storms. They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods.

They believe you need to go toward others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they'll hurt you. They often have fears of being abandoned but also struggle with being intimate. They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are close.