Like most of my Takes, this is not a short one, and if you can’t handle it, that’s okay. Some others won’t mind spending the time. But I definitely want to invite guys to read this who may have tried online dating and feel weary with it.
Just to get this out first, I never have even met any of the women I’ve talked to or seen on online dating sites, and I’m glad really. I actually have not been involved in them consistently, rather it’s been something I’ve done off and on through the years, and almost always as a just-seeing-what-this-is-all-about type thing, and I never stay very long before I delete. From time to time someone will tell me I should try some site, or I will get pulled in by the nice little traps these sites want you to fall for, but overall I am rarely committed to actually finding anybody on them.
However, in recent months I will admit I did get more involved in dating sites after things ended with me and a woman I knew. And my involvement was moreso out of a desperation to find someone just so I could get over her, but now I’m long over her and starting to delete all my dating site accounts. I'm single again, but it’s no longer necessary. I have my sanity back, and also my self-esteem. I have never, ever been really invested in any of that stuff or been a big believer in it, and now that I’ve had more experience with it I want to tell my story about the sad, the bad, and the ugly with all the women on these sites, as well as how useless these sites really are.
Dating sites are about making money more than matching…
Let’s just make that clear from the get-go. The bare truth is that for the most part, these sites pretend to have your best interests at heart and want you to think finding your future lover is very possible, when in fact it’s about getting as many singles to sign up as possible so the sites can make money.
The biggest trick about them is the messaging systems. Creating your account is definitely all free and easy as they say, but once you’ve hashed out your profile real good and put up a nice summary and decent photos, and then message someone interesting you see, you either have to FULLY SUBSCRIBE with monthly payments (or you get options to pay for three months at a time or a whole year) before your message can actually be sent, or you are hit with the even worse option: your message is sent…..but you have to make a payment for the woman on the other end to even see what you wrote, as in the case of Match.com.
Tinder, something everyone is crazy about and what is madly popular now, was actually the worst for me, which works by the site matching you up of their own accord. You can’t even message any women unless they Like you back or the site has matched you up with somebody, which I really, really hated.
Sometimes the problem is not that chicks don’t want to talk to you...
Now, I hear a lot about guys who send women messages and they never answer, and I know a lot of women like taking pride in how well-known that is, but for me that hasn’t always been the case. I know when I used to be on OkCupid I did get responses to many of my messages, sometimes only once, and a few times the conversations did get detailed. But the worst thing to happen is when a woman replies...and you can’t see what she wrote because I have to subscribe in full! This has mostly been the case on CougarLife, and right now I have 4 or 5 messages from very attractive women still sitting in my inbox that I cannot read because I don’t pay $30 a month or more, and honestly don’t want to.
Am I missing out on what those chicks ever said? No doubt, but you gotta balance reality here. Be practical. I’m not about to spend money on a dating site that really is still just a chance at the end of the day more than an assured promise that things will ever work out with any of those women.
And on the flip side, some of the women on these sites are in the same situation. So it’s not always that women are actively ignoring men like the pop-cult web articles, YouTube vids, and women themselves want men to believe as a general truth. Sometimes these women may actually want to read your message or even respond but don’t want to pay to do it either.
Most of the women honestly are...well...pitiful…
This may sound harsh, but that is the honest truth. Are a lot of them good-looking? Even downright sexy? Absolutely, and I’ve even been notified that quite a few of them either viewed my profile or even clicked Like or “I’m Interested.” But at the end of the day they don’t really have anything to offer, which is probably why they’re on dating sites in the first place and can’t get a date in real life. These women have the nerve to feel as if they deserve a “good man” and think all the guys on dating sites are terrible or no good, and they don’t even look at themselves.
Some are overweight and want a man to overlook their laziness and accept them as they are, yet put in the ‘What They’re Looking For’ section details of wanting an athletic or toned man! LOL! Others even outright say they smoke daily and aren’t about to stop, and I’m supposed to find that attractive? LOL! And the dumbest ones are women who claim to be 29 or 30 when you can clearly see they are at least 40, and women who you also can clearly see are Asian, Hispanic, or fair-skinned Middle Eastern but lie about their race and say they’re “Caucasian” because they think they’ll have better success with guys. LMFAO!
College students and career women are the absolute worst...
And this is because these women seem to think I should care about their education or job status and how much money they make. And I don’t. They think having such credentials will be more appealing to men - *arrogantly flings hair back over shoulder* “Look at me, I am Lady Important, who works in the financial office of a hospital. I make $35,000 a year and went to the University of Whogivesashit. Isn’t that sexy?” Honestly? No.
Because at the end of the day I don’t care about your achievements, your ambition, your pride of life, and all your cliche ABC TV lifestyles, which is what I get a LOT of here in the Greater Washington, D.C. area. I want to know what you can offer me in personality, character, and real intellectuality. Have you been through any real tough places in life that taught you deep truths about yourself and the world? Do you have any personal skills or talents other than rock climbing, kaoroke nights with chick friends, and being a fitness freak? What are your views on how we should raise our kids? What life skills do you have that you can put to use in an immediate or difficult situation? You’ve got a college degree and you studied psychology, medicine, or finance but can you find your state on a map? You can live stream movies and use Instagram but can you cook? Do you keep your own house clean?
Don't get me wrong, I like the bar and fun things and eating out at nice places too, but you gotta give me more than that. So these are important questions you need to answer, and not just for me but for your own self. Take a look on the inside.
And then there’s always that ooooooone turn off…
Sometimes though, you read over a chick’s profile and it’s sounding good, and you even seem to match on a lot of things, but then there’s that oooooooone little thing to blow it all to hell: she’s a Conservative with “Christian values” a.k.a. “I think Trump is the best we’ve ever had and black men need to keep taking the bullets from cops. Oh, and I love Jesus but hate poor people.” Or she turns out to be a smoker, loves all things dark like horror movies, books, and death metal, or you swipe through some of her photos and start seeing she’s covered in tattoos.
Yeeeah. Sometimes it only takes just one turn-off.
I really couldn’t care less about “messages women get”...
Yeah, and I also don’t care about all the mail you get from guys you’re not interested in, and neither do most other men either. It’s been a pop cult thing for some years for women to make a big show in YouTube vids, web articles, or even small news reports about all the kinds of messages they get from guys online. Inboxes full of “Hi’s”, “Hey,” creepy messages, or d!ck pics. Okay, and? It wouldn’t be the first time or last a woman gets those, so telling us about it does what? Even I myself as a guy have gotten some weird out-of-the-blue messages before from chicks looking for a friend with benefits or a “bbc cuckold” for her and her boyfriend/husband, but I don’t care to put it on the air and it wouldn’t benefit me.
Hell, some women are even exaggerating their inboxes and how much mail they get just so they can seem like they’re a lot more special to men than they really are. 30 messages A DAY? I highly doubt that, even for the most attractive woman. I’ve even seen some women who are honestly very plain yet they’re claiming allllllllll these guys are blowing up their inboxes. Really not sure about that...
These chicks are a joke…
The irony of women on the Internet is that they like to brag about having alllllllll these options with guys, and that they can have any guy they want, and yet they’re obviously looking online because they can’t get a date in real life. Or don’t want to. They want Superstar Men who would never want them back. Hell, I’m no superstar man and even I don’t want them! Their “expectations” exceed their own value and worth. So they develop fantasies - sometimes after heartbreak - that are constructed of men who are just as fantastical.
These women are a joke. Wanting cultivated men but expecting men to take them as they are. Wanting men they can “have a conversation with” yet their ideas of a conversation are usually pretty cliche and it’s probably why men in real life don’t have them with you. And they like to joke about allllllll those guys who sit at home online all day trying to pick up chicks yet they spend hours and days themselves logging in to these dating sites to check their messages instead of getting out there, growing some tits, and really meeting men.
All the web articles, magazines, and so forth want to tell us that the reason so many women are going online for love now is because they’ve tried in real life and all the men they meet are just bastards, weirdos, or beneath them, and while I’m sure some of that is true, the bigger truth is that in real life a lot of these women don’t have anything to offer men. That’s why they want Superstar Men, who will not only dazzle them but also make up for what they lack. These women pretend confidence and importance through their careers and college education but deep down they doubt themselves and know they aren’t made of much.
Although there are some dating site success stories, if women are really scoring all that much like the media wants guys to think, then so many of these women would not be on the same sites for months or even over a year.
After getting involved in the whole dating site thing, it really just made me feel pretty pathetic to be honest. It’s like a desperation to get with somebody fast, either for sex or a real relationship. I know that the statistics tell us that my generation and younger are now looking online for mates at a high rate compared to actually meeting people in person, and I just think it’s sad.
I am a people person. I like to talk to a chick in reality. I like to flirt and look at their bodies up close and in person. I like to hear their voices and their laughter and watch their mouths. I like to hug and touch and get serious. The dating site thing doesn’t work for me. I find it difficult to be like the rest of today’s sad generation that lacks confidence and goes looking online for people they most likely will never have.
Does meeting people online really work? Sure, I've heard some stories, and then I've also heard others where the relationship lasted for awhile, even some years, and it still fell apart, despite how much those sites convinced them that they were "perfect matches." But for me, I will gladly continue to talk to women in person, ask them out, and either get turned down or they oblige. Either way is fine by me, and a hell of a lot better than the scams and the narcissistic circles of online dating.