The ending of a relationship is difficult,and extremely painful. The pain can become consuming,and as if it'll last forever. Heartbreak is inevitable when you've lost someone you love , but the painful feelings don't need to be permanent. It's not always the pain of breaking up that makes you suffer,but it's your own negative thoughts that cause you the most pain. What you think about is what your feelings and emotions will respond to . You can't control your exe's feelings ,but you can gain control over your own negative thoughts and feelings. The following 5 steps are the quickest and most effective way to let go and move forward to survive after a painful breakup.They'll help you to get rid of the emotional hold your ex has on you,so you can start to feel in control of your own life.
1) Cry - Allow Yourself Time To Mourn
After a relationship ends you feel a sense of loss . You feel sad,angry and hurt. Crying is a response to an emotional state. So it's natural to cry when you are overwhelmed by all those emotions and feelings . When you are faced with a roller-coaster of emotions crying can be therapeutic, because it helps to release all the hurt you have built up inside. Suppressing emotions can have a detrimental effect on your physical and psychological state. Ensure you allow yourself time to grieve. Repressed emotions will eventually surface later on,and only inhibit the healing process.
Cry a river,build a bridge and get over it
2 ) Sever All Ties
Maintaining a connection with your ex prevents you from fully accepting it's over. You also risk becoming nostalgic ,by reminiscing about what "was" and what " still could be" .Holding onto hope leads to subconsciously believing that the relationship is not truly over . You cling to the false hope that there's a chance you and your ex can be together and become happy once again.You'll feel stuck in limbo ,and wake up with the same fears and upsets about yourself as you did the day before,which just keeps your pain raw. If you persist in contacting your ex you are working against the recovery process. It just allows you to put off fully accepting difficult feelings and your new circumstance.It's not easy to detach yourself from someone you still care about, but severing all ties will help you to gain the freedom to live, and it'll break the emotional tie you have with him/her. It's this emotional bond that prevents you from healing and moving on. No Contact locks out that person from ever entering your mind and heart in any palpable way again.The recovery process will be more effective and will occur more quickly if you make sure to avoid contact with your ex.
You have to let go of what's hurting you,even if it's killing you inside to let go
3 ) Remove All Traces Of Your Ex From Your Life
Remove anything from your life that has sentimental value such as; photos ,gifts, text messages and phone number. It's imperative not to hold onto anything which triggers memories of your ex ,because reminiscing just feeds your memories , and memories feed your pain. Looking at any keepsakes is literally like cutting your wound open over and over again.You just relive your misery over and over . It serves no positive purpose to you whatsoever. Instead , it just significantly prolongs your pain and slows down the healing. You'll get locked into repeating dysfunctional patterns of behaviour,and your pain will become a mental habit. Getting rid of anything connected to your ex doesn't mean you'll never recall those times,but it will break the cycle of painful memories. Breaking this mental habit helps speed up the recovery process
Sometimes you miss the memories,not the person
4 ) Keep Busy And Active
Time doesn't heal your pain ,it's what you do with your time that heals it.That's why it's of utmost importance to keep active, and your mind focused on things other than the breakup or your ex. A breakup can cause lack of confidence and low self-esteem ,so surround yourself with positive people,and do things that make you feel good within yourself. Try to do things that's all about YOU. Do it your way on your time. Rather then lying around over analysing the last conversation between you and your ex ,or wondering where it all went wrong , do things that will distract you from the breakup.Create new memories. Without realising it, you have programmed yourself to feel a pang of grief every time something reminds you of your ex. So by making new memories the past memories will gradually fade and the pain will ease
Redirect your passion into something new and exciting:
a) Go shopping with friends or family.
b) Meet friends/ family for lunch or coffee
c) Listen to up-building happy music.( Turn off the music that reminds you of your ex).
d) Try a new hobby
e) Attend night college - one night a week, for a short course in cooking or art
f) Indulge in worthwhile activities like swimming , jogging or bike riding
g) Workout - this is a great way to stay fit year-round,and exercising makes you feel happier! When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain.Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in the body, so after working out you'll feel more positive and energized with a better outlook on life
Inactivity is an enemy. A busy mind never has time to be sad or unhappy
5) Make Changes
Use the breakup as an opportunity to learn important life lessons as well learning more about yourself as a person. This is the time to regain your independence ,and grow from the experience
Change your thoughts to more positive ones. Every time you focus on any negative thoughts about your life or yourself replace it with a positive thought. Use words that evoke positiveness.Thoughts , words and phrases that make you feel happy and in control of your own life.Practice positive affirmation.Repeat a positive phrase to yourself on a regular basis and eventually you'll believe that these things are true. Make a concentrated effort to focus on these words and phrases rather than those that make you feel sad, worthless or a failure. This will give you a more positive outlook on life.
Change your routine -even small changes will make all the difference . Set your alarm to go off at a different time - get up later or earlier than usual. Go out for a morning jog or walk. Watch a different T.V. channel or listen to a different radio station. Do things which you don't usually do on a daily basis
Change your habits - Make your home look and feel different from when your ex was around. Move the furniture to a different place in the room. Swap ornaments around.
Changing your mindset and thought processes helps to cultivate a different attitude about your life,and about yourself which helps to open your heart to trust and love again- when the time is right for you
These changes break any connections to your ex. It helps to break up the old associations and gives yourself a new environment.
Life doesn't get better by chance,it gets better by change
Hearts do heal and they do love again ,but you cannot be healed if you hold onto the pain, you must let it go so that your heart is free to embrace love again