Why do some people have a problem with career women?

[macix670]

I read a question on here yesterday asking why career women have a hard time dating and end up single in life? That's very condescending and discouraging women who are career focused.

Theres's nothing wrong with being single either. I'm happily single with a good paying job. I'd like to think I'm successful. Lots of career focused men are single but no one looks down upon them, why the double standards?
Why can't these people handle a woman being career focused?

[BrittBratt2416]

there's nothing wrong with a woman or a man whos career focused. If you want to focus on your career and want to be single and enjoy being single then thats fine too. I think what people are trying to say is you can be career driven but later on down the road when you want to start dating or pursue a actual relationship with someone, you got to learn to balance it. Because if your TOO focused/busy with your career while dating, it makes you unavailable mentally and physically.. and what i mean by physically i mean your not there to spend time with the person. You can become to stressed out and exhausted to even go on a date with that person which makes them feel neglected. Also sometimes when your so focused on your career you forget to have fun and be human, you just don't want to be that woman who wakes up one day and realizes "omgosh I worked away all my youthful years, I didn't have any fun and now I really don't have time to have fun, date, or even start a family." It does happen to some women. I not good explaining things, i was trying to balance out the two on why its can be good and bad for woman who is career focused. I hope you understood though.

[Ozanne]

I had a very intelligent 19 year old guy I worked with once tell me this, and I never forgot it:

"Men like to fix things. They like to tinker with cars, electronics, and if their girl needs them, they like to feel they can be the strong one for them. If a woman already has a good career (ie. money), a home, a car, and can do pretty much everything independently, she's sending signals that she really doesn't need fixing, therefore a man is going to wonder how important he's going to be in her life."

I think a lot of men might disagree, and would love an opportunity to be with a girl with a good head on her shoulders, but I think biologically, the instinctual need to provide and care for the security of his female kicks in. It's 2016, so we can think our way through this, but many guys might still feel it's a threat and that they will be measured up against her success.

I like to give guys more credit and really see past this and decide whether or not the girl in question is sweet, lovable and will be loyal and a good partner, aside from whether or not she has a "good" career.

[macix670]

Thanks, that's insightful

[enis_Penvy]

I love this post.
But to play advocate for a moment - not trying to fix, but a man may look at a succesful woman and ask himself "what can I possibly give her? She has it all". Whereas a woman who doesn't have the career, success, etc seems to be lacking in some way and a man thinks she will be happier with him in her life. She'll have more time for him, she'll be more attentive, and without trying to sound sexist be failing here, she'll need him more than a career woman.
Does this make sense or did I butcher that?

[Ozanne]

@enis_Penvy No, it makes sense. It pretty much adds to the same way I was thinking.

[macix670]

@enis_Penvy why don't people ask career men why they're single?

[Ozanne]

They don't? LOL I thought most singles, regardless of what they do for a living still get pestered about why they're single.

[enis_Penvy]

@Ozanne @maciz670 I agree, generally single people get no rest lol

[Anonymous]

I read that question too and it is discouraging of women. But i'm now 35 years old and honestly it does feel like that. I always felt that i needed my career first and i did... i have my career and i feel independent, but it has come at a cost. I recently found out that i cannot fall pregnant and dating really sucks, i feel like good guys are already married. When i was your age i thought like you, but if i had to go back... i think i would give myself a chance with guys... my career is just meh... even tho i earn well and have a lovely apartment... i feel lonely at heart... my friends and family just don't cut it. I still come home to four walls and a puppy... but my career has not given me those things that make life worth it. Maybe i'm going mad... its just my 2 cents

I just wish when i was your age that i would give myself a chance for love.

[macix670]

Many career focused women have boyfriends and a family. You don't have to sacrifice one or the other, it's difficult but it can be done

[Opinion Owner]

i agree it can be done... but in my honest and humble opinion, i have changed my thoughts and feel like men and women can compliment each other to make it easier. Like my sister sacrificed a part of her career while her husband works full time... so she takes car of the kids and works part time, while he brings in the main income. Plus she can focus on the kids school and the child is receiving excellent grades at school because the mum is there to see to the child. I have looked at their relationship and rather than having both husband and wife run the same race of bringing in an income... both work to compliment the family as a whole and together much more can be achieved without the strain. its just my opinion

[objob94]

I'm so sorry to read this! You always need a balance in life, particularly women as they have biological clocks. You have other options, I. e would you consider adopting an unwanted child and giving them the best chance in life using the funds you've earned? You can still find love without the option to pro create

[Opinion Owner]

#objob94 Thank you, i have been thinking about it, i honestly have been a bit scared to do so.

[objob94]

You don't need to rush on anything :)

Just get yourself out there more and unwind a little bit. Find a local interest or hobby and you're at an age now when a lot of men will crave companionship.

You don't need to rush your decision to adopt :) but the option is there to do a great thing for a child if you so wish. It won't be your blood but that child will remember forever the chance you give/gave it :)

[Opinion Owner]

#objob94 Thank you so much... that made me tear a little. Its so hard sometimes being alone and all i wanted is for a family. I was selfish when i was younger and you know... it gets so hard sometimes. Most guys i meet have hurt me and i feel like i closed my heart... so guys stay away from me actually and it hurts like hell. I had my stupid career.

I'm sorry, i got a bit emotional. Thank you for the concern... i will think about it :)

[objob94]

No it's fine. You're still young remember and nothing is ever too late, you just need to try different things out and eventually you will find interest :) when I saw you couldn't have kids it made me sad. Why? Because I'm 22, career focused (I want to be a chartered accountant), I've closed myself off slightly to relationships for the time being (because I have to work full time, study in evenings and weekends and still try to have time for myself), but I'm worried I'll end up lonely. But for me I don't have a biological clock like you did. I don't think you did anything wrong. We should grow ourselves as individuals and someone out there will be the right one for you :)

[objob94]

Also, as a young guy, would you advise me to take more risks and ask for numbers whilst I'm young still? I'm still inexperienced and can't tell when a girl is interested. For example I've lost weight recently and on the tube (underground) in London, and sometimes walking about I'll make eye contact with girls, particularly when I'm well dressed. How can I tell she's interested from the way she looks at me? I'm just really crap :(

Gone off topic a bit but thought you might be able to help :)

[Opinion Owner]

#objob94 thank you. I cried so much when i found out. I guess it was just meant to be. I used to be focused on my career thinking it would bring me happiness or something close to it, but it never did for me. I will wait and give love a chance again. :)

[objob94]

I think you're right. As humans, all we crave is for someone special to care about us and to make love with. Money etc can't replace the feeling. You can have £1m in the bank but lack any love or care from a partner and someone else can have a few cents in the bank but have love and feel far more fulfilled in life. Please try again. I haven't found it but you shouldn't give up, not at your age range anyway :) you probably still look fantastic too, not that that matters a great deal because once you've found that connection, everything else is irrelevant :)

[Opinion Owner]

#objob94 Don't doubt yourself. When i was your age, i had many guys approach me, but i pushed them away when they were nice to me... my parents always told me that guys would mess with me at that age, so i became distant with guys and i did miss out on a lot. I would say, go out there and ask girls out... be who you want to be and i can tell you that lots of girls are going to reject... i have seen my friends and i do this, but don't let it get to you. When you find that one girl and she loves you... it will make all those experiences of rejection fade away. I would love if a guy came up to me now considering i've never been asked out for 4 years now. Try to meet girls at social events... meeting women on the tube can sometimes come off as creepy... i know it sucks. Try and be casual and don't try and force anything. Smile and see if she smiles back... but don't do it... in a creepy way.

[objob94]

Thanks for this :)
I will try and ask for more numbers, I guess he worst she can say is no right? Also, when you say creepy smile? How do you know if it's creepy? I find it awkward sometimes because I don't change my facial expression when I make eye contact, should I at least smile?

[Opinion Owner]

#objob94 Exactly, i know girls can be pretty blunt and just say "NO", but its worth it one you eventually find that girl who loves and appreciates you. Yea, just a simple low profile kinda thing... i would love that personally. Be confidant and just talk to the girl... eventually you will find her

[objob94]

Thanks for your advice :)
I'll try more, I guess I need to realise very few girls will make the first move and if I don't do anything
Chances are I'll be single for ages.
I have a new professional college course soon so I'll try and make an effort there and see what I can do :)
I wish you well in your search too :)

[Opinion Owner]

#objob94 Thank you, you are most welcome hun

[RussianBlonde]

They believe that women should be housewives. Just like you, I'm fine with a career.

[lericah]

Because it runs contrary to certain people's ideology. There is an interesting Freakonomics episode in which a Sociologist shows that if you correct for factors related to career choices the male/female pay gap narrows to just 8% as oppose to 28%, she argues that the cultural expectation that women need to take care of the family, have children, and care for the household forces them to make decisions in their careers that compromise their ability to put in the extra time and maintain the inflexible schedules required to advance in the corporate world

[macix670]

This explains so much

[lericah]

I did, look for the freakonomics episode I thought it was really good

[macix670]

Okay, will do

[thecd1979]

It can be intimidating for a guy that has insecurities. That's issues they need to deal with though. A real man will appreciate and admire a women that can hold her own and had goals and plans for her life. A boy that doesn't have anything going for him will see this kind of woman as a threat.

[Jager66]

It's Hypergamy.

It's not men who have the problem with the career women, it's the career women who want a man as, or more successful as them but those men generally want a woman who will look after the kids and such instead of being career focused.

If career women went after men who wanted to stay home with the kids instead of having a career, or even higher education cause he wouldn't need it, then this wouldn't be an issue.

Interesting fact.. only 15% of couple where the woman is career focused and the man is stay at home with kids work out long term. The primary reason is the woman resents the man for not making as much money as her, even though otherwise their relationship is fine.

[macix670]

Interesting perspective

[Sasha07]

Honestly... It's not like that in my country though. Men don't date down, they date on women on the same level of career. And really, there aren't many rich people here, the majority is poor or middle class...
If both parties don't work, it's hard to make ends meet.

[MrAtticusLebowski]

Because some women over do it and become borderline asexual and emotionally cold.
I'm not sure why people are openly hostile to career driven women. I think you're doing it right, no need to jump in to anything so young.
If you're able to juggle a meaningful and committed relationship with your career are you really a "career women"? Sounds normal to me.

[macix670]

Thank you!

[10dsw]

I actually commented on that post you mentioned.

The asker did not have a problem with career women. He was merely stating an observation that a lot of career women do indeed end up single and lonely in life.

73% of women are the ones who initiate divorces. Is that condescending to men?

[macix670]

The same can be said about career men who are single and lonely. For example, in Japan many men are virgins single and lonely at the age of 40

[10dsw]

The difference though (at least in North America) is that men in their 40s are extremely desirable whereas desirability in women decreases after 25-30.

Moreover, the ones in Japan you are describing do it by choice. They are called "herbivore men".

[macix670]

And some women choose to be single and are happier being single

[America1st]

Because some people deel a women's place is at home. Also, some carreer women choose to totally focus on their carrer and a relationship can get in the way. Being single is a stigma to some. The people who criticize those that choose to put their career first are not worth listening to, let alone let it effect you. As far as dating, I look at ti like this... If the guy doesn't like what you are doing, you don't want him anyway. I wish you the best in your career.

[YaBaba]

I have met two types of career focused on women.

One of my aunts is a doctor and she was happily married to her husband until he passed away due to cancer.

She was a good wife while at the same time she worked in her career.

But then there are some that come off as rude / or not as family oriented.

So that may be the problem for some guys who wants someone who is more family oriented

But those who just straight up dislikes career women, I am not sure why.

[NeutralMale]

It's more of the second type that we dislike and it's why we are very careful with these type of women. Women sometimes get mixed up in what men want, they think to be independent means to act like a man when that isn't the case.

[macix670]

@NeutralMale what is acting like a man? You think having a successful career is a man's thing? Sorry, this is 2016 and women are work and make money for themselves. It's not a man's thing.

[NeutralMale]

Sorry i didn't mean to come off like that. I meant that some women let go of their feminine traits because they think that's what will help them if they want to be career oriented and become successful, also some of them act masculine which is a huge turn off for the majority of men.

[macix670]

@NeutralMale everyone is entitled to their preferences. If you don't like career oriented women that's fine but don't act like their lives are worthless. I'm happily single. I love my freedom and I make good money. I find purpose in contributing to the world through my job.

[NeutralMale]

Yeah that's fine, you can do what you want, im sorry if i offended you in any way, i didn't mean to sound sexist.

[YaBaba]

@NeutralMale yeah you explained it better than I did.

[ModernDayCrusader]

Women are the main pillar in every family
A career oriented woman does not make the strongest pillar for raising a family

I think women, should have kids early (18-24)
Raise the children, and start a career later in life
You can have it all, but not all at once. And balancing a career and raising a family often leads to dysfunction in family and career life.

[macix670]

Lots of career women have families and successful careers. Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi has two daughters.

[ModernDayCrusader]

I doubt she was around her children very often
Children need their mother present

Hiring nannies does not equal proper parenting

Having a successful career, does not mean you will create a healthy family
Sure having plenty of wealth helps, but I doubt her children are very close to their mother

[macix670]

Why can't the men have kids and start a career later in life?

[ModernDayCrusader]

I never said they couldn't
Most due

Most of the time older more established men start a family with a younger woman

Idea relationship: Man 28-30 marries girl 18-22 has kids with her, provides for her and children. Once children are around 10-14 years old wife can start building career

[macix670]

Well that's scenario is not for every woman. A woman has the right to live her life the way she sees fit

[ModernDayCrusader]

Of course a woman can choose any life she wants
She should not be surprised by the outcome of her decisions though

What man or woman wants to marry someone who is only concerned with their career?

Most avg people dont

[Saoirse_Nua]

I think you are right to point out a bit of a societal double standard - A woman can just as easily be career minded and single as a man, it is her choice

[YourName123]

the extra income is nice, but you pay for it in that she is not going be there as much physically and emotionally as she has 40 or 50 hours a week she cannot do anything towards the relationship.

Now if you are not working and you can carry the flame that is one thing

If niether of you has time to do it, there is a price to pay for that.

Everything's a tradeoff

[macix670]

Yes it can create problems. It's a reasonable concern

[RedHood7]

Becauae women who are career focused usually apply their reason as the sole factor to define their relationship and frequently treat their partners as another project, not a person. I get being a workaholic, but this is ridiculous

[macix670]

Lol not all career focused women are workaholic. I get no one wants to be with a workaholic. The same can be said about career focused men

[RedHood7]

Career focused means what then?

[macix670]

It means that my career comes first but that doesn't mean I spend all my days working. I have the weekend off I spend time with my family and friends

[RedHood7]

Even if work consumed a lot of your time, that would not be a problem. Are you introducing yourself as career-focused? Because not everyone will see that as you put it, but as I put it. Nobody wants a person like I described.

[NajemEddine]

some of the men are afraid of them
but those women have a sterotype of arrogant high heels know all thats why men avoid them
watch the movie what did i get married

[Anonymous]

Not to be rude, but people usually know that these "career focused women" most likely end up alone... I've seen it were women put their careers first and when they get to 30,35 they have no one and they usually regret not looking for love at a younger age.

[macix670]

That's true for women who want families and marriage. Some women don't believe in marriage

[WesternGirl]

My mom is a housewife, but I do not want that lifestyle. I like making money. I guess some people think it is still the 1950's.

[Anonymous]

I have no problem with career women, I have a problem with career women that expect me to pay for them.

[macix670]

Fair enough!

[Opinion Owner]

@Jamesol1 If a woman wants to be treated as my equal then she pays her way or she finds another man. The choice is her's

[Jamesol1]

Agree 100%. Equal rights... equal lefts. Simple as.

[Anonymous]

Cause they focus on it too much and are too serious and they expect that from you too. Of course she should have a career and that but it shouldn't be her top priority

[scooogy]

Men can still focus on their women, whilst I guess women can't really

[dudeman]

well women should have children. its kind of their job as a women to do that.

[macix670]

I disagree. Women can do whatever they want. Some women don't want children

[Embercelica]

I dunno, just ignore them and do whatever you want

[plinkett]

cause they make lousy wives and mothers

[macix670]

My mother has her own business. She raised three children and was an excellent mother and wife. My parents are still married for 25 years

[plinkett]

Yeah, but all the carer women I know are childless and unmarried.

[macix670]

I know a lot of career men who work long hours who are childless and unmarried

[plinkett]

Yeah, but they don't need to be at home. A woman who wants to be a mother has to be at home with the children. Men are not getting married because there are too many women who are not able to provide them with anything they need.

[macix670]

You're entitled to your opinion but I disagree

[Shigeno]

Mothers don't have to be at home with children all the time... are u from the stone age? There are nurseries, kindergartens, babysitters, and grandmas who can take care of the kids when needed... Ffs. My parents run a company together and are the best parents ever...

[plinkett]

@Shigeno In the stone age they managed to raise a lot of children in spite of poverty, hunger, diseases, and war. We can't even manage to stay married or have enough children to replace the people who die. We are literally dying out. Obviously we are doing it wrong.

[Shigeno]

Would u want to raise your kids in poverty just to raise the birth rate? In many places one person bringing income isn't enough to maintain a family of 3. Let alone more.

[Decentguy]

i dont hate career women

[Anonymous]

I love them less spending