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I lost mine at about 11-12 around Christmas. I remember I didn't particularly like that one.. For a while I felt like I didn't like Christmas. That's when I realized that the World could be a dreadful place. No particular reason, just an accumulation of things... Also living in a rough neighborhood..
Maybe around age 18 after my hyperacusis worsened & I got more into the blackpill & human psychology. Before that age, ofc I knew about the brutalities of life. I've been exposed to violence from a very early age. But I was able to have a certain amount of naivety about me still.
But now it's harder. Feeling chronic pain everyday & understanding why we do what we do or think how we think kinda takes away the fun from the experience of life. Especially if I fundamentally disagree with something. Like realizing just how shitty life can be really makes me not want to bring kids/other people into this world. But that's legit a fundamental goal of our lives. We do things & socialize so that we can procreate & propagate the earth...
Damn, besides the Chronic pain and the age I can relate to this 100%.. It's exactly my process of thinking.. Sorry about the Chronic pain though.. Sound sensitivity must suck, and would definitely wake you up.. But since it took you so long you must have a some good adaptability to life.
Such a weird situation right? Like, I'm glad I know certain things because now I understand more deeply what dangers to avoid & also how to appeal to people in ways I didn't realize before. But the knowledge is bitter sweet since now I see the mechanisms of life more clearly; making it harder to be fully immersed. Like playing a game but having it glitch to reveal parts of the code or the inner structure as you're playing it.
But yeah I really don't know how my mindset would be if I didn't have this chronic pain. I imagine I'd probably be more hopeful & less nihilistic. I'd still suffer from things but it definitely wouldn't be as extreme. I didn't realize before, but a lot of situations I've avoided in (legit half of) my life was because of the auditory nerve pain & its effects on my nervous system & brain. It was largely subconscious before it got extremely bad.
It's especially frustrating that this condition is not something many people can relate to. So there's a large issue with self-extrapolation. And because of it, there have been an inevitable bumping of heads with the people closest to me in my life. I found out just how selfish they were/are. I found out just how selfish humans can be. Even the ones we love the most. Just how little they care when it doesn't benefit them. Just how transactional even the strongest "bonds" can be. Not very motivating to experience. And I'm colder because of it. Not in general but just initially. I don't open up as much. I hide my true feelings to most people more after realizing that many people actually don't want to hear it if it inconveniences them.
Yeah that's deep man, I have also been thinking a lot about the selfish nature of humanity.. If you let it it'll definitely cause some depression and coldness.. So do you hear things more acutely to the point where it hurts?
True. It's also a gift I realize after the sad feeling goes away ofc. Now I'm able to pick up on cues of true empathy. I'm able to see if I'm compatible with people more easily.
And yeah, I perceive sound vibrations to be louder than the average person. The base of my cochlea seems to be the most sensitive or damaged since higher frequencies/vibrations are more piecing & painful than the lower ones. However, all vibrations can cause me pain & discomfort if the decibel range exceeds my (lower than average) pain threshold or if dynamic spikes are broad enough under certain quieter conditions when the ambient noise floor is lower & I'm in a small room. So it would hurt my ears more to be in a sound proof room than it would be for me to be in a large cathedral room where my ears are constantly getting reasonable & non-dangerous input.
Some days are worse than others. But I always have a setpoint that I default back to once my tolerance level goes down. For instance, if I wake up & listen to a song with treble, it won't be as painful for me as it would be at night time when I'm tired & need to recover. I can literally hear greater treble amounts. I found this out because I eq music. I noticed that I cannot surgically eq treble for too long because my ears start changing how I'm perceiving it, making me want to lower it to an amount that I wouldn't have earlier in the day.
Yeah I noticed that too, gaining more compassion and empathy.. It makes you care about people more for some reason..
Well it sounds like mostly a curse but that you found some blessings in higher acute hearing.. So, it's certain frequencies then and not loud sounds themselves so much?
Oh yeah, I notice I'm more capable of compassion & empathy. I may not look like I do or even act like I do for most people (since I don't like being around people due to loud noise), but I feel it.
And I wouldn't say there are many benefits for me at all. Maybe if I were a guard for a kingdom? 🤣 Other than that, it's just been a pain. I even have to sleep with earphones in & playing many levels of noise in order to have good quality sleep. So yeah I'd rather there be damage to or an issue with the inner hair cells or type one afferent neurons so that I simply couldn't hear as well, opposed to damage to or an issue with the outer hair cell or type 2 neurons (what I have now).
Also, there are many types & causes for hyperacusis. But for me it's both loud sounds & certain frequencies. For instance, I could have earplugs in & still hear loud thumping sounds that will send vibrations into my inner ear to be perceived as painful. A different type of pain that I'd normally feel though. It would feel like I'm getting smacked in the brain as opposed to being poked in the nerve with a sharp object. But higher frequencies tend to hurt the most since apparently the base of cochlea seems more preferential to noise damage according to recent findings. If I had to guess, I'd say maybe due to its delicate structure? Higher frequencies don't require as much force as the lower ones do, making them more sensitive? I don't know. 🤔
Most definitely... Knowing how the cruel the world really can be does something inside you.. Because then (at least for me) you think "How cruel can I be?".. It really makes you feel more... Human.. But I feel that one..
Geez, must be difficult to live with.. But the silver lining is... At least you can turn the T. V on a lower volume and still hear it well right? Lmao.. Reminds me of Man of Steel when Kryptonians senses were so powerful it hurt..
Oh yeah I know my shadow. It's capable of some brutal shit! But what hurts me the most is when I would actually give people more empathy than what they'd give me. Makes me feel like "wtf is the point in even trying with certain people. I'll reserve my care for those who deserve it." Hard when it's family tho
🤣 Tbh I'm still figuring out if I can hear very well. It's hard to say. But I'd say that for the most part, my hearing is normal when it comes to discerning speech especially. But my pain threshold is just lower than average.
Funny because I was actually gonna use those scene as a reference for the sensitivity issues🤣
Yeah unfortunately I think in the right circumstances... We all are.. Some people more than others.. And oof I feel that one.. It definitely sucks that people are self centered enough not to notice or take advantage of kindness.. Especially family.. The people where "unconditional" love should first come from.
Aw okay so your hearing isn't super per say, your ears are just much more sensitive than normal is what your saying.. I think I'm catching on.. And yeah that's the image that keeps popping into my head.. Lmao.. That or somebody using super sonic sounds on Superman.. 😂
I feel that shadow part of me show itself when I hear the news & imagine people trying to harm others especially people I love. It's like dreaming about turning into a werewolf and losing all morality 🤣 except I'd be on the good side ofc 👌
and yeah sadly my relationship with my family isn't the same. Now, they wouldn't receive certain benefits from me that I'd otherwise have given them because they weren't empathetic in my greatest times of need. Now I'll just do the bare minimum
🤣Yeah Though I do listen to music on lower volumes than the average person, sadly it's definitely not super other than being super painful
Yeah exactly, I think about that all the time too.. Just morbid thoughts of my loved ones getting harmed.. And the "shadow part" as you call it manifesting even if mentally.. Lol.. It's pretty crazy.. I feel that one..
Damn that's deep bro.. Well hopefully they come around and you guys reconcile.. But it's the worst when it's family..
Aw okay super painful.. Lmao.. I was thinking that at least you got soke good hearing out of the nuisance but nah its just sensitive.. I cleaned my ears out with a gadget with a camera and probably hit my eardrums a few times and that sh! t hurt, so I can imagine what you go through.. 😅
I realized how dangerous my shadow is since I've never been in a fight, yet if I'm spooked, as an unconscious reaction, I'll start to go towards whatever I'm spooked by & my fists will ball up 🤣 like why tf is that my instinct I don't know. But my family is safe when they're around me. As much as they annoy me at times. I'll always have their back. I'll always protect them with my life.
For me, I really try to avoid having anything be so loud that I feel a lot of pain. Because it could cause a medical setback. But ofc, not guaranteed because I don't know the specific nature of my hyperacusis & whether or not it could be treated with therapy. I don't think it can though. But I'm open to it.
And oh dang! I've never felt that type of pain before. For me, my hyperacusis is more like brain pain & a nervous system disrupter rather than specific ear pain (for now). I even feel tension in certain muscles like jaw, forehead, neck, etc.
I think it's a part of being a man, those thoughts always come through somehow.. Thoughts of wanting to protect by any means necessary.. And that caution towards the outside world.. Even though I'm closer to a pacifist its my instinct as well.. LOL..
Aw yeah that'll do it so have you been to any concerts, and do you avoid riding on loud vehicles, like do motorcycle engines really hurt?
😂😂.. Aw okay for some reason I was imagining your ear drums feeling pain.. So it's sort of like an extreme headache then.. That must suck.. Yeah the ear drum pain is a different type.. From what little I felt I wouldn't wish it on anybody.. LOL..
Ahh okay yeah maybe it's the testosterone 🤣 because yeah I've always been more pacifist as well when I'm like not angry
I haven't been to concerts tbh. Not my kinda thing. Probably because of the hyperacusis. Only been to church when I was younger. But now when I go out, I just wear my iems with foam tips or just earplugs I have. They are both good for certain settings.
For communication, I'd need the earplugs since they block the occlusion effect more. But when I want to not hear something entirely, the earphones (iems) allow me to block out a significant amount of db while also allowing me to cover the noise with music or ambient (prefferably brown) noise that I have on my phone. And I can play music at higher volumes than I otherwise could have since I have surgically eq'd my earphones (with the qudelix 5k) to decrease the frequencies I'm most sensitive to without compromising musicality. I also adjust the bass & low mids to balance out the equal loudness curve more so that I can listen to things at lower volumes & not feel like it's lacking fullness. Funny because to other people, I have too much bass since they listen at higher volumes.
Yeah what I feel is more like a headache & bodytension. Also similar to if something is overloaded past it's full capacity in any way. To the point where it's hard to function normally. Hard to think & act. It affects my nervous system which causes more tension in muscles & stress in my body & brain overall. Similar to amplifying a song way past the threshold in a non-musical way. The distortion representing the discomfort I feel in this scenario. An overwhelming amount of clipping that can only be fixed (in this circumstance) with the reduction in amplitude.
Apparently hyperacusis can become worse & feel like an intense stabbing pain or burning pain. But I really protect my ears when I'm exposed to sounds past 90db so I never want to experience what the worst of this condition has. And ofc, depending on the type of hyperacusis, people will have different symptoms. Mine are minor enough to not be on the extreme end of pain, though maybe with sensitivity. But not subtle enough to ignore & function like a normal human. Not anymore at least. I used to be more normal in the past though.
Oh, yeah definitely that testosterone affecting the neurons.. Lmao.. Making us think about fighting somebody off even if we ain't fighters.. Lmao.. Something else I tell you.
Hey well you're not really missing much.. I don't like concerts either.. So you have different types of head phones for different settings?
That's interesting.. Makes sense since whenever I hear music too loud it makes my head hurt, so I can definitely see that.. So do you have it down to a science.. Does having Hyperacusis affect your life in any significant way? Or is it just an added part of the daily routine?
I saw the first dead body when I was around 7 or 8, lived a childhood until I was 13 where I hit high school, started dealing drugs that's when I hit my first lick as well and that's when I started thinking differently, I started worrying about my safety so at 14 I got my hands on my first gun, from there it got heated but thinks ended well at the end but I can't say it never formed mental issues tho, it's all good now tho
Yes sir that's that rough life.. I'm thankful that even though I grew up in the hood I never considered being for the streets.. It's good that it ended well for you brother..
You made the right choice right off the bat, thanks bro 💯
Shoo, I can't take the credit.. Thanks to most high for giving me a very Christian, kinda sheltering mother.. Also I was a Church boy. 😭.. But most definitely..
He gave me one too but I made rash and stupid decisions, nothing wrong with being a church boy, there's no shame in being a servant of the most powerful, some people just gotta learn the hard way when they make stupid decisions, you avoided That, That's good bro respect 💯💯
Aw yeah that's how you made it out Yes sir!.. And yeah, I can't complain about that cause it definitely helped in keep me outta trouble. 😁.. Thanks man.. I feel like that's the only wise decision I made in my life.. But that's respect for you as well..
That's good, I wish I listened to God back then that would've helped my life not be so bumpy but it's all good now, looks like is out here working and thanks bro, blesses 💯
God is out here*
Well, hey I always look to the people God used in the Bible.. Notice most of them were kinda Messed up.. Elijah seemed like a depressed man, Paul was a murderer, I think Matthew (maybe) was a scummy Tax collector, David was a cheater, and a murderer (indirectly).. So, I think we are all good.. Blesses bro..
I couldn't agree more bro
It was a gradual process from 12-16.
My abusive mother got worse, started threatening suicide, shut my father and I away from the rest of our extended family and disallowed friends.
When she threw a fit and tried to make my 16th birthday about her, I officially buried the concept of a healthy relationship with my mother.
I started having a very "mature" or "old soul" view around that age. Little did I know it was all just the consequences of growing up with abuse.
Damn do you have a better relationship with her now or is she still with us?
She's alive but I'm no contact with her. Been no contact for several years and my life has improved every year.
Damn that's sad.. Hope you guys reconcile one day.. But it's good that your life has improved..
Me too, but I'm not holding my breath. She's shown me she can't make much progress, so it's entirely possible she'll die before we can reconcile.
Very early on. Around 4 years old when my sister died. Having to go through pain and grief as such a young age made me realized that the world isn't all rainbows and sunshine
Damn that's deep Apple R. I. P Sis.. That'll wake you up quick..
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Yeah same. Once I lost a lot of family I guess. Christmas wasn’t really the same anymore. Losing belief in things like Santa. I guess it lost its magic.
But I remember Jesus is the reason for the season.
Aw yeah most definitely.. It got the magical feel back in my 20s..
That’s great to hear
I think it comes back to a lot of people too when they have children
Most definitely, that's why I definitely want children one day..
Yeah for sure I wish you the best
Thanks man, you as well!.. 😁
Your welcome
Can't pinpoint the exact age but young - think breaking point was around Christmas 1998 - 8 years old, when a family friend started playing "doctor" with me.
Well damn, sorry that happened to you.. I also had some things done to me at a young age, but the memory is hazy.. That will also wake up you quickly..
I was probably a late bloomer because i didn't realize hardships and shit until like 2017. Thought everything was peachy
Hahahaha with how blunt you can be I would've thought much earlier..
The hardships of those years are what made me blunt
I didn't even find out santa didn't exist until like 12/13
Well, you definitely didn't exactly have a sheltered life, so must have been a coping mechanism then.. Lol.. The wonder of the world kept you whole..
I was actually very sheltered what do you mean?
Well you know some of the stuff you mentioned about your mother, ya first boyfriend basically coercing you into sex, etc.. But I see what you mean.. You didn't have a hard life..
My mon sheltered us by hiding important info from us and not teaching us better or how to prepare. She didn't even try to have the sex talk until we were in our 20s because she figured it helped to keep us from learning about it. Yea I don't know 🤷♀️ anyways my boyfriend wrongly/incorrectly taught me what she didn't
Well, I'm more talking about hearing her do the act, rather than talk about it. 😂😂.. And yes I like how modestly you describe those events..
She didn't know we heard her til we snapped about it around age 16 but she still didn't give a damn
Now that's more like it.. 😂😂😂😂
But alright, you were sheltered, I guess it makes sense then why you developed late.
At age 10 when my father left my mother but he was thinking clearly because he left me too
Yeah, that's sad.. Did you ever see your father again?
Not sure, I think some days I look at the world in quite childlike way.
Don't we all.. Even I do.. Despite a lot of things that goes on, there's plenty that's wonderful as well..
u around six years or so... which was almost three years after I learned to read, lol
Aw, yeah seems like a blessing and a curse..
About 13-14 when I started questioning pretty much everything including big things like religion and stuff..
FINALLY, somebody who went after... JK.. Yeah, that's about the time it does start happening..
The world can be a dreadful place. Your choice is to whether to live in the darkness or live in the light.
Most definitely... I always knew from a young age, but for some reason at 11-12 it REALLY hit me.. Living in the light is the way to go.
Shit…I can’t even remember having a child like world view. I’m sure I did at some point… but the harsh realities of life are as far back as my memory can go.
So you never had that fleeting wonder of the world where snow days are fun for making Snowman and rain sucks but jumping in the water can be fun? Or waking up eating some Cereal and watching Saturday morning cartoons?
Don't recall having a childlike view of the world but I started my first business at 8 so let's work with that
Impressive your parents must be proud..
Probably ten years old. I was in fifth grade.
Yeah those double digits hit us hard don't they.
Don't have that. I have always been woke
I see you're one of those Superhumans who came out the womb solving Einsteins equations..
Damn, I thought I met a real one.. I feel that though.
Around 5
Seems like I was a late bloomer compared to you guys.. Lmao..
Yeah most definitely.. I mean I've seen some messed up stuff before then, but it really hit at that age for some reason.
Absolutely, you are right about that.. I guess yours was extreme enough to get you to grow and have that realization of the world.
When I was 8
Yes sir..
It got hacked... And I know exactly how to, I fell into the trap.. 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
Yes that's exactly what happened.. They made a fake version of the Website and got my username and password.. I found out it was fake right after a saw the pic and posted because I found the same pic on Google.. 😂😂😭..
SMH... Yeah I should've known something was up when they needed a Username and password to see a picture they could've just posted.. Lmao.
Wow that rough
Yes it is sir..
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