What do you do when a woman assaults you?

[msc545]

Men have no right of self-defense against women and if they employ this when they are attacked by a woman, they immediately go to jail and are often found guilty. This is because most law enforcement personnel are men and are also simps in that they tend to just take women's word for it when they say they've been violently attacked even when there is a complete lack of evidence. What this means is that if a woman assaults you and you can't get away, you either have to take it. Or if you try to stop her physically in any way, you are very likely to wind up in jail and subsequently in court. The same cannot be said for women. A woman can usually physically attack a man with complete legal impunity.

So what should you do and what is your best choice in the situation?

[Chazmatazz269]

The only recourse for men is to escape. Police will do nothing. Your family and friends most likely won’t believe you as long as she’s smart enough to not attack you in front of others, and most of them are. Even then, their first comment or question is always, “What did you do to deserve that?”. There are very few shelters and programs that accept male victims, and only one in the entire country that is for only men. You’re on your own.
Recording the abuse won’t change anything. If you take it to the cops, they’ll just blame you and tell you to stay away from her. Easier said than done when nobody believes you so they won’t help with so much as a place to stay away from your abuser. Psychologists are woefully under-trained and unprepared to manage the psyches of male victims, so you’re in your own there too.
The best resource i know of is a book by Ann Silvers called “Abuse OF men BY Women: It happens, it hurts and it’s time to get real about it”. She dives into the similarities and differences between abusive relationships in which the primary abuser is the man versus those in which it is the woman. She compiles resources that are available for male victims. She’s passionate, well informed and dogged in her purpose to raise awareness and create meaningful change in the IPV healing community.

[msc545]

well said

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I laugh and not take it seriously at all.

What was that? A gentle breeze brushing against my arm?

Seriously though, the amount of people who think you should run away or call the police is kind of concerning to me.

If you do that, you're letting the problem get worse not just for you but for men everywhere.

The average woman most men could literally kill with almost no effort. Most women don't even have the strength to stab us in most situations. They're so non threatening and people would rather make themselves look like idiots and abandon their self respect when it doesn't even increase your chances of not getting in trouble.

I've had situations it could have happened to me. But as a man you need to stand up for yourself.

Maybe part of the reason so many men get into trouble is that when you see a scared looking girl and some sorry excuse for a man, bad posture, no eye contact, cannot speak in a controlled and powerful manner, it makes you look weak, like the type of person who doesn't see an issue hurting someone who isn't even a real threat to them. It makes everything you do look emotional.

It's not right or fair, but behaving in this way is no solution.

[Simslover92]

The situation is more often than not a no-win situation for a man. He could walk away and call the cops on her but the woman could make up a lie and say that he hit her. He could try and restrain her and the same thing could happen. And he could fight back but of course the cops will side with the woman in most cases. But the best thing to do is to get the fuck out of there and never look back unless he can prove the abuse via recording of it which is hard to do. Usually in situations like that, you would have to stick around and sneak a video camera in the house or car and hope that she does it again so you can show it to the police. But it's just not worth the trouble. Just get out of there. Also get a restraining order against her in case she tries to follow you and start up more abuse if you can. But that's also hard to do without proof of abuse. So again it's really no win for the man which is just awful and needs to change.

[dustybiker2]

Three nights ago the "trouble house" in my neighborhood was yelling and screaming at each other from 7pm till midnight when it reached its peak. One of the hot tempered woman could be heard slapping one of the, just as bad males, about 30 times. It was confirmed when she screamed "fight back" over and over. Then he yelled at her in an attempt to get her to back off. Nope. She just lost it and screeched at him. Then the cops showed up.
The guy said he hit her. (I was about to intervene but then remembered how little I care about any of them) She was rolling around on the ground in theatrics about how awful she was. Dramatically declaring it was all her fault.
Nobody was arrested. When the police left they were laughing.
Sometimes two people are just as bad as each other.

[Chazmatazz269]

A statistic woefully under published suggests that the vast majority of abusive relationships are mutually abusive. But only men beating up women is marketable, so nobody talks about mutual abuse or women who abuse men.

[dustybiker2]

Sounds about right.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'll call the police on a woman who assaults me.

[msc545]

Go ahead and do that. The police will arrest YOU.

[DryGermanGuy]

That's not correct. I have watched thousands of bodycam videos including DV cases and there were enough cases were the women got arrested. Some even for a simple slap in the car.

[msc545]

@DryGermanGuy Try it in real life.

[Drewtate]

This is true. It's also a common tactic women employ when they intend to divorce. They call the cops from the bathroom and go out and instigate a domestic incident and when the cops arrive even though he has a couple of black eyes and a bust nose they arrest him. He's locked up in the county jail over the weekend and while there his wife has changed all the locks in the home, emptied his bank accounts and their joint savings accounts, sold off his personal possessions, got a restraining order against him and moved her new boyfriend into their family home with his kids.
Women can be equally as horrible as any man it's just that they are often not held accountable

[KrakenAttackin]

@GoodGuyBreakingBad. As a former cop I can tell you, she will turn on the tears, make up a story, and you will likely end up in jail. I remember in the 80's women started kicking their husbands and were getting ACQUITTED because they claimed a latter on abuse by their husbands.

I remember being told when I was a young man that if you have conflict with a woman society will immediately defend her. Having the facts on your side will not save you.

[msc545]

@Drewtate Yes exactly. She will also file a false complaint alleging that the man has sexually abused one of the kids. My residency was partly in a large hospital child abuse unit. I cannot tell you how much of this we saw mostly because I ultimately lost count.

[msc545]

@KrakenAttackin Precisely my experience.

[KrakenAttackin]

@msc545. My experience as well bro... unreal.

[msc545]

@KrakenAttackin I hear you, brother. Made me basically never rely on cops for anything since then including a burglar in my house one night. No offense to you intended.

[KrakenAttackin]

@msc545. No kidding, I get it.

[Anonymous]

I suppose you'd have to report it and hope one of the 40% of cops who are abusers themselves aren't the ones who come to take down your report, and then hope that it's one of the very few reported assaults that actually go to trial and get a conviction, AND that you'd have one of the 1/3 of judges that are a woman and statistically more likely to give equal sentences to comparable men and women offenders.

I definitely understand your concern as a man under this still significantly misogynistic legal system that treats men as inherently more powerful and more responsible for their actions than women—and especially if you're a man of color since it's also still significantly racist and sees certain races as inherently more masculine, and less human therefore less deserving of humane treatment and punishemt than white people.

[msc545]

Good, except the legal system is misandric, not misogynistic.

[Opinion Owner]

Seeing men as superior hurts them because it holds them to impossible standards and punishes them for being human. If men were instead seen as equals with women, then they would not be judged for defending themselves, they would not be laughed at or treated as failures for being a victim of an attack or abuse by a woman. Men should be given the same protections under the law as women, because you guys need it just as much as we do.

[msc545]

Yes, we do need the same protections as women have. We will NEVER get them.

[Opinion Owner]

Not with that attitude you won't. You have to a least TRY, even if the change won't be made in your lifetime. Fight for future generations of men. Don't be complacent.

[msc545]

The attitude doesn't matter. Take the wrong attitude about this and you'll find yourself in jail. The best thing you can do is to keep away from women as much as possible.

[msc545]

As a woman with special privileges, I don't think you're entitled to have an attitude about this at all. You don't understand what happens to us if we do the wrong things or say the wrong things.

[msc545]

Your opinions regarding this subject really don't matter to me.

[Opinion Owner]

The attitude thing was just a joke, sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I know activism can be dangerous and can definitely lead to jail time, or worse, but that is really the only option when the injustice is within the legal system itself. I'm a trans woman and lived up into several years of my adult life as a man, so I do have a personal opinion about this, but I know that now there's not a whole lot i can do about it and I shouldn't be the one deciding what to do about it anyways.

You're the one with skin in the game here. You should be the one who sets the goals on how hard and how far to fight this issue to try to make it right. Trust me society can and will change to meet the demands of a large (or aggressive) enough group of people. 50% of the population is men—you have power. You can do something. You have to try if you want anything to change though.

At least try to find a group or organization that is trying and support them financially or by spreading the word, even if you aren't willing or aren't safe to take action personally. As much as I sympathize with you if you don't have any idea for a solution, then there's nothing to even discuss.

[msc545]

I was in this fight for several years, and all I got was banged up and sad. I'm done with it.

[Opinion Owner]

It is sad. I stil would encourage you to stay in the fight, even if you need to fight from the sidelines or behind the scenes by helping support the men who fight out in the open. But regardless I would like to help if I can as well, in a similar capacity. Do you know any person or group I could look into to support on this subject?

[msc545]

I really have no contact with these groups anymore. Most of them have dissolved. The ones that still exist are very small and do nothing really.

[Opinion Owner]

Well that sucks. If I find any new groups il let you know

[Oliverlogan263]

Aghh that's such a messed up situation man. Honestly the best thing is try to diffuse it without getting physical at all. Like talk calmly, see if you can back away or get space between you guys. Or yell for help from another dude lol. Failing that, I'd video record her attacking you on your phone if possible, that's your best evidence. Then call the cops ASAP, show them the video, and get outta there. Maybe also tell a witness buddy what happened and have them back you up to the cops too. It really sucks you gotta cover your ass like that just to defend yourself against a chick. But that's the reality I guess, the system isn't fair. Hopefully they'll see the proof and she faces charges. Otherwise you dodged a bullet I guess. Ain't worth catching charges yourself no matter what. Just remove yourself from the situation as safely as you can.

[slatyb]

It's never happened and it's unlikely to. It doesn't matter who is assaulting me -- I will first try to leave the scene. If that's not possible then I will try to use them minimum force necessary to defend myself. Meanwhile I will tell someone else to call 911.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've only had/seen one woman get physical in my presence. She pulled a razor blade on the woman I was dating after she grabbed her hair from behind. Hit that bish as hard as I could. Luckily we were in a laundromat so there were cameras catching every angle

[bobby_bush_eater]

It depends on the context greatly. I as my naive too nice guy said I'd never hit a women no matter the circumstances towards myself. Now if someone hits me idgaf who they are, if the situation seems it I'll drop a girl (I've been a licensed amateur boxer for 6 years).

I will not allow myself to be beaten up by someone simply because they're a women, if a women is attacking me she has it coming because I'm pretty passive. Obviously family or a girlfriend or friend is a different story but I'm not backing down from a stranger. I'll record it then react. Simply

[tzdc21]

Pull out your phone immediately and start recording her dumb ass. Then go to the police and show the proof. And if she's crazy enough to try and follow you, lightly push her away, and make sure the camera sees that it's only a light shove, but nothing else. But the absolute WORST case scenario is if it goes too far, you will have to defend yourself physically. You have a right to protect yourself if you are being attacked, but make sure you record her hitting you first.

[msc545]

This is bad advice. She will beat the hell out of you and trash your phone.

If you lightly push her away, you will be charged with assault. If she beats the hell out of you nothing will happen to her.

[tzdc21]

Recording is the best option you have. Better than doing nothing at all. And make your way to the police with her on your trail, if she's dumb enough to follow you.

[msc545]

If someone is assaulting me I need the use of both my hands and both my feet, thanks.

[Anonymous]

I've only been physically assaulted by one woman, my ex. She was alway verbally abusive at times, but that I could handle. Starting about 3 years ago she stared getting more physical when she was really pissed, with things like pushing and slapping. She even hit me in the face with a wooden spoon once. But one time her "slap" was more of a closed handed swing from the side that glanced off my cheek and hit my face and nose. It didn't break my nose but it gave me a bloody nose and her nail cut my cheek just below my eye. After things calmed down I told her if she ever did it again I would hit her back. Well she did did do it again a week later and I immediately knoocked her on her ass. It was with an open hand but I didn't hold back at all. She never laid a hand on me again after that. Just sayin.

[Syntosi]

In my experience, this is not true. Many people, men in particular believes this is how things works but generally speaking it does not. Of course I can't speak for every part of the world but this is only something I would expect to happen where there much larger systematic problems with the law enforcement and this just being a symptom that things are not alright.

[Mr_twoface]

It's 2024, bring out your phone and record the incident. Take a few steps back so it can be recorded that you are pulling away and is the one being attacked. Usually in a rage, the attacker won't make a judgement call that the recording can be used against them and hence you make sure to record it all. Also what you are saying to calm the situation etc.

[NaultD]

Duty to retreat. Someone attacks you take whatever action you need to get out of there. Dosen't give you permission to go full ham on Someone weaker but a starta kick to get out and leave.

Remember your ultimately talking to a jury of peers who also think about this. Did you keep your self and your own safe nothing more nothing less? People will respect that.

[exitseven]

I dated somebody that was abusive. It was mostly verbal abuse but it escalated to physical abuse. I would never hit her back. She was abused as a kid by her parents and I would not hurt her more. I used to restrain her until she calmed down. One night she got loose and fell and hit her head. She was bleeding pretty good but I did not want to call the ambulance because the cops would get involved. Finally We got the bleeding under control. It was scary.

[CriticalCatDad123]

I don't put myself in situations where a woman could assault me. I don't have any female friends for a reason and I don't have a girlfriend for many more reasons. The only assaults I recieve from women are online and I just ignore them. Women aren't worth the risks and never will be

[Sirius1]

I usually just try to hold her so she can’t cause any damage to herself or myself. If she’s throwing glass or something harmful, and still pursuing me, I will have to knock her out. Definitely call somebody (authorities). That will always help prevent any situation from escalating.

[jshm2]

It's all about witness and evidence. If you are thinking your word against hers is enough, then you are going to lose.

[wiltingrosepetal]

Just try to avoid the attack or disarm her. Just a simple aikido move will be fine. I can't say there wouldn't be a societal ramification for fighting back, but it's best to be as non-violent as possible

[Tamera952]

Your assessment seems a bit dodgy. Anyone assaults anyone else, they go to jail, period. Dunno what time warp you’re living in.

[msc545]

If that is what actually happened, we wouldn't be having this discussion. It most certainly is not what always happens.

[DextroShade]

It depends: if I am in a relationship with her I will put her in a submission hold until she submits; if am not in relationship with her I will punch her right back at full strength once and then immediately leave the area.

[petitedollbabee]

Maybe assault laws are different from country to country.. hmm.. if a person assaults you, you defend yourself. Doesn’t matter if they’ve got a penis or a vagina.

[msc545]

The consequences are directly a function of gender.

[CriticalCatDad123]

He's right. If a man attempts to defend himself against a woman in the US he is seen as abusing her. Men just can't win

[OfMiceandMen]

Call the cops and have ass arrested... what's good for the gander is good for the goose.

[OfMiceandMen]

her ass arrested...