Why do people stare at me?

[Anonymous]

I know this question isn't very informative. However, the issue is people stare at me a lot. It was there when I was younger but it has definitely increased post covid 19. I thought I was mistaken but others confirmed it as well. I went out with my cousin one day and she told me that she felt uncomfortable because of how people constantly stared at me. Next I was standing with a friend under a tree beside the road one day and she after some time said: "I'm noticing a pattern. People walk in front of you, go to that pillar there and look back at you. Most people are doing that." I don't go out much nowadays preparing for higher studies and have taken a break from the outdoor world. However, today I went out and had to stand a while in the open, and people kept staring at me.

I don't look different from my country's standards (someone once said I'd very well look like the representative face of my country's women). I dress how 80% women around me dress. I'm also not attractive, people very rarely compliment me on my appearance and often find flaws with how I look (even for the simplest of things). In fact people have been so critical of my appearance, particularly of the fact that I struggle to gain weight, that in my late teen years I used to be very uncomfortable to go in public. If I were attractive opposite sex would have approached me but they rarely talk to me, if I'm walking with friends and any man asks us for directions, I'd be the last person he'd talk to. So, do people stare at me because I'm ugly? Is it normal to be constantly stared at if one is ugly? Also this is really affecting my confidence, how do I cope better? Thanks.

[Levin]

Is it not possible the reverse is true? ie, at a younger age, girls have a lot of biological power. Men will stare, quite naturally.

You're also making negative associations in your mind. For example, that you find it hard to gain weight. Well, skinny women can still be extremely attractive, think of all the models etc.

Perhaps you have a more ethereal quality to you. Maybe it's less that you're hot, and more that you're beautiful. And perhaps men are intimidated by model beauty rather than carnal hotness.

You also have a lot of negative associations with your physical appearance. This is possibly impacting upon how you're interacting with the world. Perhaps your energy is standoffish, shy, 'do not approach me'.

Just because people are negative doesn't mean that you're not attractive. Depending on the culture you are in. In the UK for example people can just be mean and negative, especially to men.

And yes, as always, it's a bit hard to say without a pic.

[Asker]

Thank you for such a kind and elaborate response. You're right about the fact that I come off as 'shy', I'm very much of an introvert, painfully shy. When I am outdoors I try to be my most confident self but if people stare at me I lose it and get extremely uncomfortable. The negative association with my looks came to me due to repetitive mean comments from people around when I was around 18. It impacted me so bad that I kept wearing masks after covid ended for half a year, I felt comfortable being Less exposed to people's sneers. Old ladies sometimes tell me I've a pretty face. I don't know, I got backhanded compliments too, like I'm a bit lighter skinned (light olive skin it's I think) than many people around me (it's a non-White country) so a lot of people have told me that if I were ever considered beautiful it would because of my skin tone's association with Eurocentric beauty standards and nothing else. So that further made me feel bad about my appearance. I think every time someone is looking at me I think they're judging me on appearance and that's why I get so uncomfortable.

[Levin]

Hmm, the thing is, I bet if I saw you, and said you were attractive, you wouldn't believe it anyway.

So I can see this runs pretty deep. I think you have this trauma from when you were 18 years old, and thus, it's quite hard for you to see clearly, the reality. I wouldn't surprise me if I saw you that you actually turned out to be pretty physically attractive.

I can see where you're coming from. It's hard to have a good self-perception if your external reinforcement is always, or seems to be always negative. I do think it's possible that the people around you are quite dumb, too. Unfortunately, dumb people abound. Quite predominantly today on Gag as it so happens..

Maybe people do stare at you because you are whitish. You're in a non-white country, perhaps people have hangups or resent that in some form. Who knows.

It does seem like there is some major fixation on your part. Even if people are not physically attractive most do not try to hide their face. So again, I would suggest there is some deeper trauma at play here.

[David318578]

How can anyone possibly answer that without knowing what you look like?

Unless you are walking around naked or close to being naked?

[Asker]

Nah, it's a conservative country, only face, neck, hair and lower arm to palm remain exposed.

[itsannalee]

Maybe you wear something weird?
Your fashion or something?

[Asker]

No, as I said, 80% women around me dress this way. Very casual and everyday clothes.

[DrPepper12]

Paranoia. If you look for it, you'll find it.

[purplepoppy]

It's all in your mind. You've got scopophobia.

[Asker]

But others notice it too. Otherwise I'd have thought it's all in my head.

[Yohenis]

Maybe because they found you attractive.

[Asker]

Alright, thanks for responding.

[PaleDale]

Attraction, most likely.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer.

[BobbyLee789]

Attraction, most likely

[Asker]

Alright, thank you for answering.

[BobbyLee789]

Very welcome.

[blackeagle007]

I’m not staring at you now