Caught boyfriend masturbating next to me. I feel betrayed I want to end it?

I have been with my boyfriend for a whole year and it's been a long distance relationship. I only get to be with him once a month and I caught him masturbating in bed when he thinks I'm asleep. I wake up and he pretends he is asleep. I told him that if he wants to have sex he can just wake up and ask me I'm always up for it. But for some reason he chose his hand over me. I feel very betrayed and I feel that I can't give him the right pleasure because I don't make him ejaculate but when he uses his hand he ejaculates in seconds. He is very sorry and tells me I am enough for his sexual desires but the answer is clear to me. I am not irresistible as he thinks I am. I can't believe he chooses his hand over me when I travel for six hours to see him. I don't masturbate and I am very loyal. I've tried to touch myself to get aroused only to find out that it's impossible. He is the only thing I crave. If he craves his hand more than me doesn't that show he doesn't love me? He respects me so much we build a future together but I don't think I can do this anymore.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well what I can see here is that you both really do love each other. However, it seems like you're kinda insecure of yourself. I believe that you should calm down and give him a chance to explain himself. As well it is quite common for guys to masturbate even in a relationship. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore. It is a quick relief of stress and it requires a lot less to orgasm. I hope that you keep an open mind and understand what he has to say and I wish the best for the both of you.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Relax, guys jerk off for a number of reasons.
    1. I always try to jerk off if I think I'm going to have sex. It allows me to last longer.
    2. Boredom
    3. I may be fantasizing about her in a way that she's to uncomfortable to do.
    4. I've been jerking off since 12. It's nice to have some me time. It's not going to stop unless it effects my ability to preform.

    You may not be turned on by doing it, it doesn't mean he's not turned on by doing it. It's not cheating. So don't sweat it.

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  • Did it ever occur to you that maybe he didn't want to wake you up... Yeah sure, you say, ''I told him that if he wants to have sex he can just up and ask me.'' .. I'm positive in his mind it seems quite rude, and thinks you wouldn't react very well.

    It's a bit selfish to wake someone up out of a sleep for their own sexual desires.

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  • Woah woah woah woah. Really?

    Sometimes we masturbate because we crave instant satisfaction. I'm not going to lie and say I'd chose it over sex, but I am going to say sometimes I think a hand is better than disappointing your lover.

    He doesn't know you don't do it, and maybe he has some sort of fear of something. You should just wrap your hand around him sometimes and pleasure him that way. When you're tired, you want something quick. He doesn't think of you never having a craving.

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  • It's not about you.

    It sounds like he's trained himself to only get off with a certain type of stimulation.

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  • No don't stop him from doing it! It's completely normal even in relationships. It's nothing personal.

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  • I think you should've maybe just reached your hand over and help finish him off.

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  • I think that you're just overcomplicating things. I mean, if you live 6 hours away from him, you're allowed to touch yourself when you feel alone. Why isn't he? He probably didn't want to wake you because you were tired.

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  • Do you know how hard is it to fiddle our pickles everyday?
    Stupid reason to dump him.

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  • Do you guys not have sex at all? Or is he masturbating in addition to the sex?

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  • Guys jerk off okay. But not many turn down a real puss to be with their hand. Talk to him and say what you feel. That shit is wrong

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  • He's being considerate and letting u sleep... this is a good thing!

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  • Lmao. If he needs to use his hand to get off, it's you who needs to step up your game. Give the guy a break, you can't expect him to hold in the juice forever. Wow.

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  • i think your overreacting, or may be possible that he's into someone else because your in a long distance relationship, or it could also means that he's afraid to do sex with you because of something for e. g pregnancy.

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  • Yep, that is not a good sign. I think you should talk to him about it and then decide if this is something you two will work on. If this is something you can not accept then you may have to end it.

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  • So wait.. he cheated on you

    with is hand?

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  • ... you have got to be kidding me.

    This may be the single most asinine reason to want to break up with someone I have ever heard.

    He probably jacks off because when you two do have sex you complain about how all you are is an object to him.

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  • He should dump you instead.

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What Girls Said 9

  • You can't be serious! Guys masturbate. Girls masturbate. It's nothing against you. Don't be so dramatic.

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  • Its nothing, you were asleep and he mastuburated, and what's up with the ejaculation thing, I mean seriously do you really want him to ejaculate in seconds?
    What is wrong with you? Why complicate things, see the positive that he loves you so much that he didn't want to wake you up just for sex. My bf does that all the time, once I asked him why and he was like babe I like to do it when you asleep because I find you the most irresistible at that time, and I just don't to disturb you from your slumber just for sex.
    Don't feel bad about it. Let it be they are guys. The feel like things at odd times, you can't go on feeling bad about yourself for what they do.

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  • Don't you know guys are horny creatures he can love you, have regular sex with you and even if you weren't around he'd still masturbate. Being really friendly with his own hand is disloyal and unfaithful? How is this something to cry about and break up over? Get it together.

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    • I got caught masturbating by my girlfriend. She walked in as I was blowing my load. I was also wearing a thong and she asked me to do it again the next day. Amazing.

  • Love has nothing to do with out sexual desires. I think he could have a fetish or something. It really doesn't relate to you. I wouldn't worry about it. I love having time alone with the bf. Doing what I want without concern of his needs is nice sometimes. That doesn't change my love and commitment to him. Hope that helps

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  • Fully agree with you! You travelled six hours? And you see him once a month? How rude! I think he is like that because he uses his hand too much. He doesn't get to see you frequently but he should be happy and have sex with you while you are there with him!

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  • He's probably masturbating TO you, and didn't want to impose the sex question on you.

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  • Is he just so used to himself that you can't make him ejaculate?

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  • Wait. You're going to break up with your boyfriend because he masturbates? LOL... Oh my god, I just cracked up so bad. Get over yourself. People masturbate. It doesn't make them more or less faithful in a relationship. Most guys will masturbate just to get it over with faster rather than having full blown sex. I can personally say that on some nights i'd rather masturbate quickly to get the urge out, and go to bed peacefully rather than having to have sex with my boyfriend. Does it make me less attracted to him? No. Does it mean i'm not attracted and not crave him? lolno. Get over it. It's life. Masturbation is the key to pleasuring yourself, obviously. He probably just wanted to get it over with quickly so he could fall asleep easier.

    I've caught my boyfriend masturbating in bed, and also masturbating while watching p*rn. Do I wanna throw away a 3 year relationship because of that? No way. It's natural and normal.

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  • My boyfriend and I tell each other we are masturbating all the time... like if you aren't around you can't expect the guy to not masturbate that is absurd. And he just isn't going to wake you up because he is horny. He would feel selfish and he said he wasn't masturbating because he was afraid you'd react like this. Next time you see him masturbating you just start doing it for him or jeez just hop on. Or you could wake him up the next morning with you on top. what is more amazing then surprise sex from your significant other? You could have also just watched and let yourself be turned on by watching your man jack off while taking notes on what he does to himself so you can make him cum. Masturbating is amazing and you shouldn't be breaking up with your man about it. If you want sex do you think he is ever really going to say no? Didn't think so. If he isn't going to take the lead dominate him and show him who is boss in bed. The amount of things you could do by catching your man masturbating is endless just take advantage of it next time.

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