Why won't my ex-boyfriend delete my photos, even after I asked him to nicely?

[stealingxheartsx]

I'm 19, he's 18.

We weren't together for that long (about 4 months all up), and we were really close friends beforehand. We broke up in March (my decision) and had about 2 months of very sporadic, almost non-existent contact.

In the past 2 weeks or so I unblocked him on msn because I felt like I was ready to be friends, or to at least be civil. We've had a number of nice, albeit somewhat awkward conversations but they often got ruined because he brought up the past, which I wasn't happy about. I told him I didn't want to discuss in detail what happened between us as a couple but he still insisted on mentioning and reminding me of some of the things we really enjoyed whilst we were together *wink nudge*.

Fast forward a couple of days, and I asked him if he still has any of the photos that I gave him when we were together. He said like it was *completely* normal, that he did and he had no plans on deleting them. These aren't pictures you would want your parents to see, but they aren't triple X-rated either. I asked him nicely to get rid of them, saying that I didn't want him looking at me in a sexual way anymore - I think that would get in the way of having a normal friendship. He said we would, and I thought it was settled but then the next day he texted me at night saying he thought my pics were too good to get rid of.

Also, he implied recently that he wasn't attracted to me anymore (said he wasn't interested in sleeping with me) but still compliments me on my appearance and how he still gets horny over me. :S Creepy right?!

What could possibly be going on in his mind? Helpppppppp!

Updates

+1 y

I asked him why he kept them, straight out, a few nights ago... he said he'd rather look at me than other random girls off the net because it's more "intimate". Wasn't expecting that AT ALL.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all your helpful answers, everyone. :) I've chosen not to keep in contact with him - he is a drama llama!

[BaronScrewtape]

It is simple. He thinks having the pictures gives him some sort of power or leverage he can exert over you. Do not be surprised if he starts trying to blackmail you into doing things with him. You may want to believe he would not do this, but a guy who would not honor your request is not an honorable man so you cannot expect him to behave honorably about anything.

He is lieing about not wanting to sleep with you.

He is not someone you want to even be friends with; a friend does not behave so disrespectfully. Friends may poke fun at each other, but this goes beyond the pale as far as teasing goes.

Not wanting to lecture, but: Learn from this. It is not safe or wise to give out anything like these photos to anyone. Even if you think you are in love with them at the time. Because, in all honesty, you do give them power over you. Something that they can use to hurt you with later. In all probablitiy your photos will end up on the internet and in your parents mailbox the next time he gets angry with you. That is why he wants to keep them. Don't fool yourself into thinking he wants them for any other reason.

The best you can do is to get any mutual friends who have influence over him to shun him until he destroys the photos, and proves to you that they are all gone. If for whatever reason this is not possible, then start mentally preparing yourself for the fallout.

Don't feel too bad though, you are not alone in this particular mistake. There are tons of websites filled with thousands of girls who had taken photos of themselves for their boyfriends who then posted them to the web. It is a common mistake for the young to make. Just be wiser about it in the future, and clue in to your girlfriends the pitfalls of rewarding your guys with risque pictures of themselves.

Keep your head held high, and do not tolerate disrespect from anyone about this in the future. You did not do wrong, you just made an error in judgement in trusting this guy. Pictures like these should only go to guys who you are 100% sure of. 100%. Remember the answer to blackmail is sunshine; the only way it stops is to accept your lumps for what you are being blackmailed for. I tell you this for because the potential for abuse here is high.

Take care, and protect yourself as best you can.

[Adidas12]

Just stop talking to him, if you think he's turning into a creep. You don't need any of his crap, if he won't do what you asked him, he will get over you soon when he realizes you won't see or talk to him ever again

[Brat0518]

Well he still has feelings for you. Even if it is caused by sex. But just ignore him and when he gets real bad tell him straight up how you feel about it. and that guy sounds like a perv.(not being mean or anything) Just let your family know what he is doing and see what they say about the whole problem

[cam1423]

I think he still likes you yet.. he's not over your break up.

[Polaris80]

Who knows what he's thinking.

But cases like this are a perfect example of why it's a terrible idea to be in regular contact with exes.

You don't want him thinking of you in a sexual way? That'll never happen, and -- to be blunt -- you don't have that right to control his emotions and thoughts.

If a girl *broke up with me*, then asked me to delete or return photos, I'd be temped to shove it back in her face to prove that I'm not her slave, and that she doesn't control me. Think about it: you dump this guy, then after dumping him you're trying to control his thoughts and behavior. That's cold. If a guy tried something like that, girls on this site would tell him what a jerk he was...

[TexPlayboy]

He isn't going to delete them. I guess it is reason enough to think hard before sharing pictures with someone who is not trust worthy.

Pictures to a guy is like words to a girl. When my first wife and I got married, she thought I should throw away all of my pictures of GFs from High School. I was reluctant because they were friends and memories. I found out later she threw away all of the pictures of her BFs, but kept the love letters. I felt more betrayed by the words, and she felt betrayed by my pictures. So my point is a guy is more visually oriented than a woman. But that really isn't the major issue here. A guy is not going to give up spicey pictures, and the more he knows it bothers you, the more power you give him in the situation.

Let it go, and maybe he won't post them.

Good Luck,

James

[dfrazmabel]

i think he wants to for want of a more subtle way to say have sex with you, that's why he is keeping the pictures and by saying that he wasn't interested in sleeping with you means he had already considered it and his response is expected because there's no way youd text ur ex saying that you are interested in sleeping with them. Also he seems realy confused about what he wants and doesn't seem to want to commit to any relationship atm.

[stktder]

I don't think but know this guys still likes you very much. I am sure the reason why he is keeping your pictures is because they are the only source sexually to you. If you like him and want to be with him, then you need to make some decisions. The longer you put him off, the more he will realize it is over. Yes, this kind of relationship might seem creepy to you, but then again you are a girl. You don't understand yet that sex is a major part of a guy's mind.

[arisato-]

Guys like naughty photos. I doesn't matter who is in them. He got those for free, so I doubt he'd really want to get rid of them.

[sumina7]

Since you broke up with him he is trying to get even.

In future don't give away pictures you don't want him having if you break up.

[tim_hortuns]

hes showing all his boys the pics and probly uploading them to amatuer porn sites...in the future don't give out naked pics of yourself