How long are you angry after a breakup?

[MercuryKitten]

I'm just curious about some other people's experiences.

It's been almost six months since my last breakup, and I haven't seen him, talked to him, written to him, heard from him, no contact whatsoever! And yet, I'm still angry when I think about him. Is that normal? Shouldn't I have gotten all the anger out of my system by now?

So pray tell... how long are you angry for after you break up with someone?

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

I'm never angry over a break up.

Being angry implies that there is unresolved issues, or that I am upset over the relationship not working out.

When I break up with someone, it's for good reason. I review my decision, analyze my reasons, and proceed.

I don't get upset if it's over before I necessarily wanted to. I never put a timeline together for a relationship. What will, will be.

If I have to break up, I make peace with that decision before I deliver the news, and once it's done, I carry on.

No reason to hold on to feelings, if I have to break up then those feelings are worthless. If I end the relationship, it's because that person didn't return the same level of feelings for me, so it's not anything to get mad over.

When it's over, it's over. No reason to hang on to any of it.

[lost-angel]

I wish it was as easy as you make it sound...

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

It is easy. Here's an example:

I had a fiance several months back. We knew each other for five years, and had been in a committed relationship for three.

We were certainly getting married, no doubt about it in my mind. And then this past fall I caught her in a couple of lies. Nothing major, but nothing worth lying to your significant other about either.

We had a conversation about it, and I said never do it again. She agreed. Then in December I caught her in three more lies.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

So I asked her why she did it? It's either she didn't trust me, or she thought she could sneak it by me.

When we first got together we promised each other we would never lie to each other.

So when she answered me by sobbing and saying she didn't know, I knew what I needed to do. I gave it three or four days, reviewed my situation, and broke it off with her.

No feelings of anger, at least on my end. I have a clear conscious at the end of the day.

[MercuryKitten]

Well there certainly were unresolved issues. I never allowed myself to get angry at him after I found out he was doing drugs and had lied to me for months about it. We stayed together nearly a year after that fiasco and I found myself just getting angrier and angrier and finally I broke up with him, but I never really got to tell him what I really thought of him. Oh well.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Yelling at someone, getting angry over there actions, and telling them off is not going to make you feel better.

You think it will feel great, but it really doesn't change it.

The only thing that makes you feel better is by standing up for yourself, and leaving that person as soon as they cross the line. What you're really upset about is sticking around and trying to make it work. If you had left immediately, you wouldn't be posting this question.

[MercuryKitten]

Sounds about right.

[mylezylez]

I went through a truly horrific breakup about 4 years ago, and I have to say I'm still not over it, nor have I recovered financially. It seems like the only way to get over it is to truly move forward in your own life. For most people, having some kind of fling, or at least dating again, is the key. Otherwise, standing on your own two feet might be good enough. If you have major trust issues with the opposite sex (as I do), it'll take a while to overcome those. Good friends can help a lot as well, if you're lucky enough to have some. But the more I think about it, the more I think dating around is one of the healthier solutions.

[MercuryKitten]

Definitely true. I've been working on the dating thing... but the man I have my sights set on is just too shy and so am I! I feel like we're sloooooowly getting somewhere. But until then, I guess I shall remain angry!

[stephyone]

Yes darling its very much so normal, I was angry with my ex also every time I heard his name, heard of him, spoke of him or even seen him, its beacuse theirs no closure, your not sure why you broke up? or he hurt you that bad and you still don't understnad?

[MercuryKitten]

I guess it's the fact that he never suffered for what he did to me. I know that sounds awful but hey, it's the way I feel. He never suffered and I did.

[stephyone]

Yeah we all feel like that we want them to get karma so bad like who are they to do that to us and them not hurt etc, but the truth is we don't know what their going through honeslty he mite be jus as miserable as you but has to much pride to show u... Just remember nothing is ever as it seems babe

[MercuryKitten]

I don't mean I want him to be miserable about the breakup (which he probably is anyway)... I mean I want him to suffer for lying to me about doing drugs! He never seemed to suffer from it. Nothing bad happened to him after he was found out. He got an even better job than before, still graduated from school, etc., etc. NOT FAIR! That's all I mean. He betrayed me by doing all this crap behind my back and nothing bad ever came out of it for him.

[bittorment]

In the past, I've also been angry for a few months after I was dumped. It's always hard if you're still fully in love with someone but she doesn't love you back anymore.

Well maybe angry is not the right word, more like sad with occasional bouts of anger :P

[Alanfra]

Maybe you're still angry because part of you still loves him