Cheating with a guy who has a long term girlfriend?

So, I am cheating w/a guy who has a long term girlfriend. I know its wrong -- so please don't judge me. I am just curious what all of you think about HIM. Does he still love his girlfriend? What makes a guy cheat if he is in love? What if he cheats and he's not in love? Why would he do this? Is it always just "getting something on the side" or is there more to it? We have become very good friends & confide in each other. I know its more than physical because he told me that. I guess I want to know what he think about his girlfriend more than me. Any ideas?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have been in your shoes only we were both married. I believe that people involved in a serious relationship yet still cheat are missing something with the person they are with. I am starting to think it is not just physical but I think there is an emotional disconnect. Because if he was getting all the emotional connection and physical connection he needed with his girlfriend, you would not be in the picture. It sounds to me like it IS more than just a little "something on the side". Maybe you have become his best friend as well as his lover. I think there are a small amount of men out there just for the thrill of it, but I think more often than not there is something missing at home. I know for me, I was with a man who adored me and listened to me and paid a lot of attention to me. I did the same for him. I was happier than I had ever been, we laughed and had so much fun together. I truly believe if we both were 100% happy at home neither of us would have strayed.

    To me it sounds like your guy enjoys your company and that you are both getting emotionally attached. PLEASE be careful with your heart! In my case it lasted over 2 years and we got caught, his wife knows, so we cannot talk or email AT ALL. It is a long painful process. We also shared intimate conversations and knew everything about each other and families. Those talks are what I miss the most:(

    But to answer your question...NO, he does not truly love his girlfriend or he could never cheat on her. (I guess I also just answered that question for myself!) Good luck to you...have fun, but be careful!

    • Thanks for your thoughts. I totally agree w/what you said about something missing in the relationship when you cheat. He told me that the main thing lacking in his relationship is that he doesn't feel appreciated. I think he's so awesome & wasn't afraid to tell him that. Maybe that's why we ended up in this situation. You are right that we are very emotionally connected. I am scared & he has said he doesn't want anyone to get hurt. I have a feeling I'm going to b the one to get hurt.

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    • Hi, I read this and i'm basically in need of the same help. i would like to go a little more into depth about what's going on. I tried to send you a message but for some reason it won't allow me to send the message.
      If you want you can also email me back at ncamara9020@gmail. com
      I'm in serious help.
      Thank you!!

    • I would be careful if I were you. Never get in a relationship with a guy who was already in a relationship or just got out of it. It's usually an emotional rollercoaster. Also, did he cheat on her to be with you? If he did that is a big red flag. Anyone who can't leave a relationship before starting a relationship will use you as blanket or a rescuer to banaid their pain. Don't be used. Some men (not all) are great manipulators and say all bs to have you trust them, always check your facts. My ex cheated on me because apparently he wasn't appreciate, when he was just a narcissist. Be careful with people who are needy for others to fill their void. You don't need to fill someone else's void, you need a whole person who can be ready to love you without other attachments. He will still be in contact with the ex, they always do. People don't leave one relationship and just forget the other person within months or a year. Make sure he also doesn't cheat on you when things are going his way.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well, I am about to reveal a big secret here, that few women understand: Unlike women, Men can and do separate sexual feelings from love. It's just the way we are programmed. It's also what makes us idiots, socially, especially when we are younger.

    I have never cheated on my wife, which is to say that I have never carried on an affair...but I've been tempted to. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that I love my wife so much, and that I know how much it would hurt her... there are times in the past where I almost made this mistake.

    And without being judgemental, I do need to say, yes this is a mistake. Why? What happens when the girlfriend out? The "other" woman always thinks she's going to end up with the man, but consider this: he knows you are a cheater. Think we men have commitment issues? Try to picture how hard it would be to land him now...

    My advice to you is end the affair before someone really gets hurt, and start over fresh with a nice man, because in the end Forbidden Fruit might be sweet at first, but it's got a very bitter aftertaste.

  • Generally people (not just men) cheat because they get off on the feeling of superiority to their gfs/bfs and other people. The idea is to prove to oneself that "rules apply to little people, not me."

    He thinks his girlfriend will remain naively loyal to him while he has sex with other people, which makes him feel superior to her. You think that he'll cheat on her with you, which makes you feel superior to her. Both of you get what you want, and the girlfriend is involuntarily pulled into your game. And there's the problem - she wasn't informed and didn't agree to be part of your love triangle.

    There are some people who just have serious difficulties with monogamy and prefer having multiple sexual partners. But these people don't have to be cheaters - they can tell each other honestly about their sexual needs and either find some kind of mutually satisfactory arrangement, or realize they can't be together long-term.

    • I haven't ever heard these ideas before when it comes to cheating. I don't know if I agree about the "feeling superior". At least not as a woman. I don't feel superior to his girlfriend at all. I genuinely like this guy. Maybe that's true for some guys but I've never heard that idea before. Thanks for you comments though.

  • Well aren't you a horrible person, you must be proud of yourself.


What Girls Said 8

  • Please understand that a guy can sleep around while being involved in a long term relationship or just have one thing on the side, it still has nothing to do with him not loving his girlfriend. He could be bored with her, this could be exciting for him or just another woman that is willing to have his girl friends leftovers who knows I noticed that you never expressed any feelings that you have for this guy just the feelings that he may or may not have for his girl. It makes me wonder what is really driving your questions or concerns.

    • I didn't really explain the whole situation. I have very strong feelings for this guy. We are very emotionally connected. I know he said he doesn't feel appreciated by his gf. I guess I don't "get" how you can love someone but cheat on them. Seems to me that it is a warning sign of some kind. I really care about him but have trouble understanding why he stays w/her.

  • Same problem, except I am pretty sure I am already half way in love with this guy. Pathetic I know and I really want and need to get over him, mostly because I hate being the one he is cheating on his girl with. It makes me feel like there is something horribly wrong with me and it is seriously messing with my head.

    • I am goin through the same thing now. Worse part is that i was friends with the girl first. I see them exchanging "i love yous" on fb and it is driving me nuts. It hurts. I already tried to end it with him but he told me not to give up on us and that he'll take care of everything. I know I need to end this because I feel I'm the one who's goin to get hurt in the end. I mean, I am already hurting everytime I think about the fact that they're still together. :( It's tough..

  • In my opinion, human is selfish species, if he is really into you that much he will dump his girlfriend to be with you, because love is blind and stupid. But your situation is that he enjoys the best of both worlds which is the for the best interest of him. I suggest you do this, give him an ultimatum and let him choose, it is very likely that he won't choose you, because he has already chosen his girl over you.

  • You're an awful and stupid tramp. If he's cheating with you he's probably doing it with loads of other sidewhores. IF HE LOVED YOU HE'D LEAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND, you thick homewrecking parasite. I hope she finds out and hunts you down and beats some sense into you, I would.

  • I know exactly how you feel; I've been with a guy for a while now who has been cheating on his girlfriend. He says the only thing stopping him from ending it with and being with me, is their child. Unfortunately for me, there has a been a lot of good and bad days during this, because of this situation. It's not easy to be a part of something like this, especially when you are both emotionally involved but cannot find a simple solution but both enjoy each other's company. We decided to keep carrying on because we enjoyed it., but now we question it everyday. There were many times he was going to end it but was too scared because of his little one. Hence why I would not recommend letting it continue, incase of whatever happens next.
    He probably does have feelings for you, but he doesn't have the balls to end his current relationship for you. So does he really deserve you? - There is someone out there for you who will be more deserving and loving for you. I'm trying to tell myself this everyday and yes its hard, but you just got to keep positive. Do not stand for second best hun, because it sucks!

  • Your so immature. You must learn to have what's called empathy for others. Have you ever thought about how his girlfriend would feel if she found out about this. She will be looking at a broken heart and trust issues for years to come. Your selfish. Her boyfriend is selfish. He is using you so he can have his ego stroked. He is incapable of love. Love for him means that people are making him feel good about himself. He is an empty vessel of insecurity. If he was so unhappy he should have broken up with his girlfriend. People like you disgust me. I got an std from my cheating ex and now I can't have kids because it scarred my insides. I will never comprehend how people like you can be so stupid. His girlfriend is superior to both of you. Because she is a good person. You and her boyfriend on the other hand are stupid, selfish and immature. I know this is an old post. I hope that you have left him and his girlfriend have left him and he can think about all the shitty choices he has made. You must never do this to another woman again. Learn why you need a taken man to make you feel good about yourself. Get a hobby.

  • Hi..
    I've been in A very similar situation but the only difference is im already in love with the guy. We started off as just friends then one thing led to another and it became sexual. Its been on and off for about 3 years now and its come to the point i do not know what to do, i tried millions of times to cut him off or just remain friends but somehow we always end up back in the affair. Now i love him to bits and really would prefer to just being friends as he has a family but how do you get someone who constantly says he loves you but jus can't give you the relationship you want to just be friends so we can continue to be in each others lives.

    Especially as his girlfriend knows about me, just don't know the extent of our 'friendship' or just turning a blind eye to it.

    Like its crazy because i was the innocent party in this, never knew about the family until he had a little melt down, he girlfriend was pregnant and he managed to fall in love with me. I didn't know what to do apart from run i. e why we have been going back and forth

    But i really would like some advise on what to do

  • He doesn't love his girlfriend he can do that to her. He's probably just is bored with her and wants excitement in his life by not getting caught with you by his long term girlfriend.

    You should really grow up and act as an adult.

    What if you get a boyfriend and he cheats on you?

    You will probably feel the same about it as this long term girlfriend will once she finds out about it.

    • I agree with you. I don't think you really love someone if you do this to them. This is not a situation I ever expected to be in. I am feeling really bad about it & am going to end it even though I really care about this guy. Just wish I understood his thoughts.

    • What happened between you and him?

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