I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend before in my entire life, I feel I am running out of time, should I give up?

Should I become a Priest? what should I do with my life since I am never going to have a girlfriend, or just most likely won't? should I just focus on my goals and aspirations, future career, and mission in life and completely avoid girls at all costs? live a life as hermit, recluse? I have lost count on the number of times I have been rejected, and have been teased and lead on, I feel I am running out of time, and I f***in' hate it when people always say that there is someone out there for everyone, because you can't say literally everyone, what if some is deformed, has down syndrome, is in a wheelchair, has no arms, is blind, deaf? As for the running out of time thing, I hate how people say it is never too late, I disagree, because the older you get, you get uglier, you are not as sexually healthy as you used to be, become impotent, overall, you are not in the prime of your life anymore.

Updates:
thats why I would love to get my first girlfriend as soon as possible, but unfortuneately, I can't, because "soon as possible" means desperation, and that turns girls off obviously, being desperate is a thousand times worse if you are a guy.
Is there really someone out there for everyone? or do people just say that to make you feel better, more optimistic? I find that really hard to believe
How can I learn to be comfortable, confident, and content with myself?
Seriously, I know that as I get older, dating will be harder for me, because girls will expect me to have my own house or apartment already, have a full-time job already, have my life together already, and that means less time for dating.
I call "the Freedom Years", from your birth all the way to your early 20's, I feel I have missed out on too much already

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm 22 and also never had a girlfriend, always been single, seriously, I bet if I was a girl I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago, it's that much easier for girls.

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    • Well some guys are shy so that would make it hard on them.

    • I agree with him, but I have no choice but to adapt to it, I wish more girls would ask guys out, but I know I can't change that unfortuneately

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 13

  • Ok wow

    Firstly you are only 22 you really need to chill out. I lived with 4 guys last year and at 21-22 only 2 of them have had girl friends and only one of the others had slept with anyone. I now live with 4 different guys all 21/22 two of whom have girlfriends - their firsts, one who has just split up with his first girlfriend and another who is still yet to have a serious relationship. So age wise I think you are being too harsh on yourself. I should also add I am 22 and have yet to be in a serious relationship, I just haven't met the right person and won't date for the sake of it.

    Secondly independence wise, I know one person around my age who has his own flat with a mortgage and he is 23 nearly 24 and went straight into a government job from school at 18. Pretty much everyone else still lives with their parents except for at term time at uni where we rent houses. After uni most people will move back home and struggle to find enough cash to move out - I'm in the UK so I don't know if its different where ever you are. Besides if a girl just wants to date you solely because you are financially independent and have your own place, in my experience/friends experiences she is going to be a gold digging, demanding cow or someone who hates their parents, wants to leave and will use you as a way out. So you haven't lost out on many great girls there.

    As for there being someone for everyone, I think that's totally BS as far as soul mates and true love goes, I don't think there is one perfect person out there for everyone, I mean the odds of you ever finding them would just be impossible, nature/god would not do that to us! I think there are a lot of people who would make potentially great couples, but sometimes things are just a better fit with one person than another and its about finding that balance.

    To be honest you probably don't have a girl friend because you are so worried about not having a girlfriend, I know its frustrating but it will happen for you, patience is the key. In the meantime focus on yourself and your friends having a good time and things will just happen in time.

    Start a new sport or hobby etc meet some new people who don't know you, your history and that you've never had a girlfriend, then you can just relax have fun and hopefully find a girl you have at least that hobby in common with and can branch off from that. All the best couples I know have at least one mutual interest so start there.

    Hope that helps, good luck to you.

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  • Look, getting A girlfriend isn't the real problem. the problem is getting a girlfriend you actually LIKE. For example, you could hit on a handicap ( or any of those cases you think are hopeless girls and thus they oughtta take any offer that comes their way...), and then you'd get yourself a girlfriend.

    BUT... it wouldn't garantee you what you want, which is, happiness in a relantionship. (I'm guessing)...

    So, you can take my word for it: I never had a boyfriend until I turned 22, like you. But I still kept looking and open hearted. True, this is the prime of our lives and you should use your youth to keep tryin'. So Go out, meet people, flirt and have fun and, improve your skills in all areas of life. You will be more confident with just that. and confidence is key. Eventually some one will show up, and you will do just the right thing for her. Good Luck.

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    • This is the prime of our lives? Weird I feel like I'm past my prime. I would say the prime is 15-18.

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    • So men are more superficial than women, is that you are saying?

    • yeah but dating looks like it is better and more fun when you are younger, why? because that's when we look are best physically

  • well even with guys who have had gf's I'm sure they have felt the same with you because face it no one's ex is the perfect one for them even though we think so at the time. I mean my fiance was 26 thinking he will never get married, have kids,ect. then he experience heart failure, got the new heart and then a month an 5 days later we met online and things have work out perfectly. now we both came from a past with messed up ex's always getting hurt. so point of this story is sometimes you often have to go through a lot of crap just to find that MR or MRS right. because if you didn't how would you know they are the one or appericate them? so I know you hate the line "there is someone out there for everyone" but truly there is but key to getting them is NOT to look for them because if you look your going to look right past them. love isn't something you look for its somethign that looks for you and will always find you. no one ever said there was a age limit to love, that's just a media thing. So I wish you the best of luck in your life. :)

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    • He was 26 and had never had a girlfriend? he got his first girlfriend at age 26?

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    • Well your doing everythiing just right

    • but a guy can't stop looking for a girlfriend, because he always has to be the one to initiate

  • Some girls do ask guys out and make the first move, initiate, me being one of them, I am all for a change of tradition

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  • Running out of time? What, you expect to be an old man real soon? Lol, sorry, I just had to say that! I am 52 and I don't think I am "out of time" at all. As for looks brother, girls aren't as in to looks as you guys are into looks. A lady is looking for someone who will both talk and listen to her. A guy who treats her special and has eyes only for her. She is not nearly so interested in looks as she is in personality, kindness, character, etc. stuff like that. Just be a good friend, be yourself, and you will meet someone...

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  • 22 isn't old, I'm 21 and never had a boyfriend. people go through relationships at all different ages and different time durations. don't give up.

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    • I assume you are still a virgin as well?

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    • really? there are girls that ask guys out?

  • dont date. drama just enjoy yourself she will come along!

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  • i think you should got o clubs there a lot of sluts so that could be easy just kiss one then take her to your house :)

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    • even if it's just about a few sluts... how to contact girls in a club at all... How do I know, whether I might be annoying or whatever?

  • dnt become a priest haha, dnt give up jst be out there and take risk

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  • have hope. the end.

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  • There's someone out there for everyone :)

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  • 22? Really!!! Yeah I'm not even going to respond

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  • Just wait one day when you least expect it someone is going to came along and also you should never give up just stop thinking so much about it and one day you might find ''the one''

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    • Key term being 'might'.

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    • He's right

    • Yeah unfortuneately, love just comes to you girls while us guys always have to fight tooth and nail for it

What Guys Said 14

  • Instead of being needy ("I need a girlfriend" stink that scares girls away) you might want to take a moment to think about WHY you need a girlfriend so badly.

    Is it ONLY because everyone else seems to have one?

    Is it because you are desperate to get laid? (I'm not judging... you're like all of us.)

    Is it because you have some fantasy about what a girlfriend would MEAN about you? Or a lack of one might be?

    Once you pinpoint your REAL need you can begin to find more success...

    Why? Because once you realize what's making you needy you'll be able to solve it yourself... then you'll no longer be so needy and you'll finally be able to comfortably approach and attract women.

    So focus on getting rid of the neediness.

    I've found that the real need of someone seeking a relationship is the desperate need for approval and love. Likely stems from mom and dad, who knows. But, here's what's hard for most guys to get... relationships aren't a place to "GET" these things.

    Needy implies you're seeking something.. and women avoid needy guys because they're like vampires that only want to take, and take and take. They're too much work.

    She wants you to stand on your own feet without NEEDing her approval, love or attention.

    So you need to do some inner game work on yourself. You need to find out how to FEED YOURSELF love and approval and affection. You might not realize this but the happiest people already do this. Learn how to give YOURSELF approval and STOP seeking it from others.

    Once you've managed this small miricle you'll no longer SEEK and NEED it from women.

    THEN, and this is the best part, women will FEEL very different around you.

    Why?

    Because you'll be ready to GIVE something to a relationship instead of TAKE from it.

    Instead of being NEEDY you'll be GIVING and FULL and HAPPY and FUN to be around.

    This is no joke. Learn how to feel good all by yourself and you'll find that women naturally will want to be around you. You'll stop scaring them away.

    Finally... ask yourself this... how many women have REALLY rejected you. Have you seriously approached and flirted with hundreds of women? Or are we only talking about a dozen.

    It it's less than a hundred then you haven't really been trying...

    Finding Mrs. Right isn't supposed to be easy, other wise you'd be settling for any girl who says "yes."

    So be happy it's taking you some time, and get your head straight.

    Cheer up, and keep up the good work.

    ~ Robby

    My blog ( link )

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    • Ross Jeffries said a quote that goes like this "the difference between winners and losers is that losers don't fail enough", do you agree with that?

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    • It's understandable as to why loads of men date or marry women 10 years or more younger than them, because they are more "fertile"

    • I doubt we older guys like the younger women for such "logical" or genetic reasons as "fertility."

      I think it's more to do with what we're attracted to.

      Think about it... when did you start really fantasizing about girls? When you were in your teens right? I think these old fantasies get burned emotionally into our deep unconscious and will always affect who we like and don't like. And I don't recall fantasizing about 40 year old women when I was in my teens.

      But luckily I do now. ;)

  • I have work to do so I havn't got time to read it all. Basicly, improve your chances, hit the gym, improve your posture.

    For your first girlfriend set your sites down a bit. Don't go for a supermodel thinking she's just going to see you are the one. Date some girls for a good time and be honest about it, don't tell them you are going to marry them and buy them an C63 AMG in 2 months time. Try be friends with girls you are not interested in dating and get to know them better. If you make friends with them you will soon be introduced to friends and if they see you are a good guy they will tell their friends that too.

    This sounds stupid but it's actually very true, don't put the p**** on a pedistal. If you make it a bigger deal than it is then girls smell desperation from a mile away. Get some hobbies and other interests in life. It will happen naturally, not if you try and force it. Also, Rome wasn't built in a day so take it easy and get your self confidence up over the course of the next year or so. It will pay off in the end.

    Oh and crash course on kissing etc. If you get to kiss a girl go easy, use the tip of your tounge and kiss her softly, don't stick your whole tounge in there and go washing machine style, leave her wanting more. Lick your lips before you do, don't slobber but realize that chapped lips are not nice to kiss. Also, don't get drunk to build confidence, tipsy at most. Beer breath and slurred speach is not attractive. Try have a good time without thinking she has to make it a good time for you. Notice the signals, if she is playing with her hair while looking at you and smiling at you a lot then she probably likes you and probably wouldn't mind kissing you. Just play it smooth. Don't try to jump into bed with her straight away either. Keep up the mystery. Do not tell her your life story, if you let her figure you out in the first 5 minutes of meeting her she will be bored and move along.

    Good luck dude. If you like this info just drop me a message or something, have to go now :D

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    • washing machine style FTW :D

      a friend (girl) of mine told me about a guy, who was good at washing machine style... this is why she broke up... so... I agree with you ;)

  • Don't worry about it. a lot of people don't have girlfriends until later in their life, and go on to have successful relationships. I never had a girlfriend when I was 22 either, but now (10 years later) I am in a great marriage. I also have worked with the occasional person who didn't have relationships early in life, but ended up meeting someone nice later on. Don't sweat it. The fact you have not had a gf yet does NOT make you a worse relationship than a guy who's been dating girls since 8th grade. You'll find someone good in due time,,, just be patient and be open-minded.

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  • The truth is there isn't someone for everyone. What happens is the alpha males will get first pickings, then the rest will pick up the leftover women. However, there's always a few men left with no one.It is all down to how evolution works, like me you have bad genes which are unlikely to be passed on, just enjoy life while you can, there's more to it than relationships.

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    • Glad to hear someone that makes sense

  • I know a guy who's 29 and he's never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and seems not to give a stuff about it.

    My ex girlfriend was a virgin when we went out, and she was 20 (almost 21) at the time.

    You're not that abnormal. The average age for loss of virginity is 17, and that's AVERAGE so there's going to be a bunch of people above it too.

    Relax, exercise, socialise, learn that women aren't some foregin entity and treat them normal and it'll just naturally happen. Hell my current girlfriend I didn't even know we were dating at first (I thought we were just friends until she... convinced me otherwise).

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  • What's strange is you said you never had a girlfriend and are asking "should I avoid girls at all costs?" Isn't that completely crazy. If you avoid girls you'll never have a relationship with one. At the very least, don't avoid them. I never had a girlfriend until I was 24, it was a little late. Even you if pass 24 without a girlfriend, it's not like it's the end of the world.

    You have to keep looking. Even if you fail and fail (like I did). If failing hurts to much, just take a break, then get back on that horse and try again. Don't let life defeat you.

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  • theres no magic pill to this situation, its something every dude has to go through

    my advice : have sex with a girl who's desperate and you can bare having sex with, you can be direct and nervous with them and its pretty easy stuff once you've got some experience under your belt and you realize sex ain't that great you'll slowly learn how to "game"

    this will make you much less desperate , your gonna feel awesome! and your gonna start having a proactive approach to your an environment rather than your current reactive approach

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  • You need to relax. We can find someone at any age, and at the most unexpected times. I'm 26 and though I complained just like you did, I never really gave up. Instead of complaining, learn to get yourself out there more and keep on trying.

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    • Fuck life, but oh well, gotta adapt to it

  • At this point in your life, don't worry about the women if they're not flocking to you. Take some time for yourself. Do things you like and things that will make you a better person for YOU, not for anyone else. Gain confidence and just let it come naturally, don't force it.

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    • How do you let it come naturally? girls do not pursue or chase guys, I won't get a girlfriend standing still

  • At 22 your hardly running out of time, wait till your hormones peak you'll fall for some girl it's written right into our genetic code just like a software program.

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  • (I USE CAPS TO BRING MY MESSEGE OUT MORE IM NOT YELLING)

    YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH THIS PROBLEM...I JUST HELPED ANOTHER DUDE WITH THIS SAME PROBLEM BUT ILL KEEP MY ANSWER SHORT...TRY ONLINE DATING SITES AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS... AND JUST DO WHAT I DO (PROBABLY DOING THIS ANYWAYS) WAIT TILL A GIRL ASKES "YOU" OUT...GOOD LUCK

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  • Its time to man up and get one

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    • You think I lack initiative, you think I don't take charge, as for a matter of fact, I do, but I don't know what it is that I am doing wrong

  • You think like I do. Except f*** becoming a priest. lol

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  • I'm in the same situation as you and also never had a girlfriend.The girls in high school That I've liked were either not interested or taken.So yeah I know how it feels but there's no point in sweating it.As they say, someone will find you when you least expect it.

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