Why does my ex contact me when she is seeing someone else?

[Anonymous]

OK I don't think it is because she wants me back but would like to know what her reasons are. It is often general conversation and catching up. She didn't talk to me for 2 months and doesn't mention her boyfriend now when we talk. Basically I really would like to know whether it is for friendship or for an ego boost. She doesn't seem the type to be doing that but she did find a new boyfriend within 2 weeks of breaking up from me. Deep down I am not over her. I intend to cut contact but depending on her reasons for talking to me will determine whether I will explain why I am doing it or not. If she is genuinely looking for friendship I would tell her I why I am cutting contact whereas if she is just doing so out of selfish reasons I do not want to give her the satisfaction of her knowing I still care for her.

[xoLighHeartedxo]

Well it really depends on the kind of guy you are. For me personally, I feel that I am a big kid (lol) and there is no need for sugar coating or beating around the bush. That being said, if I were in your position (which I have been before) I would flat out say: 'Look, I still have feelings for you but we broke up and shortly after, you got a new boyfriend. There is no reason for us to be talking the way we do when the feelings here are not mutual. I am not here for whatever HE is lacking. Sorry but we can not be friends.' end of story. do not be spiteful or try to hurt her feelings. be honest, if she gets pissed off then oh well, she did this to herself by trying to have you both at once. birthday party is a no go, that will just further cause problems. OH and clearly her boyfriend is either an idiot or she is lying to him if she can get away with talking to you as much/as often as she does. Kinda raises a few red flags, yes?

[Asker]

This is what's all so confusing. I wouldn't like her talking to me if I were her boyfriend either but we have known each other for a couple of years before we started going out so their was a friendship. But I know I can't be friends right now. I just want to make sure I'm making the right call!

[xoLighHeartedxo]

If you two are meant to be together, it will happen. No need on killing yourself (not litterly) over this friendship. It is being masochistic, you are knowingly continuing on with this friendship while it is killing you inside. end it, even if you do miss her, it will not be as painful and will give her the wake up call that despite the fact that you still have feelings for her, you will not be around while she dates others. this could be the motivating factor for her to stop being stupid and either a- break up with the guy or b- come find you later on and maybe then the situation will be reversed.

[xoLighHeartedxo]

She knows you are not over her. She is using you to talk to since she cannot say this stuff to her current boyfriend. Maybe he is not giving her all the attention she needs and she knows you still care so she turns to you. Either way, being friends with an ex is normally (about 80%) going to turn out badly. Someone gets hurt and it will be you, she already has a fall back. She can not have you both, and having you on the side like this is unfair to you. Cut ties and move on, she has.

[Asker]

Thanks! It's messing with my head, she has even invited me to her birthday which would be too awkward! So you think I should tell her why I am cutting ties? If (like you suggest) she already knows how I feel then their is no need to explain right?