Is it odd that my girl's ex's still contact her?

[Anonymous]

I been with my girlfriend for over a year. During this time, 5 of her exs contacted her. It pisses me off! These are guys she dated in high school, undergrad, and one in her mid-20s. 3 of the guys are married. 1 of the married exs lives in the UK. She tells me when they reach out. It is usually when these guys are in town for business, they want to see her for lunch or dinner. I have read messages and also listened to voicemails. She invites me if they want to meet up. I say no. She goes alone. Even brought back a dinner for me. I didn't even ask if the ex paid for it. Another married ex left a voicemail and said she was on his mind and he would love to chat. She didn't return his call because she said the memories from that relationship still bother her. It is so wild that so many of her ex's still want to see her and check in. What is also interesting is that she doesn't talk bad about any of them. She only says things didn't work out or life got in the way. What do these guys want especially the married ones? I feel incredibly lucky to be with her. However I have been very chill about it because I trust her. But it still bothers me. How would you handle it?

[ElovieMe]

To start I feel like the “answer” to this varies a lot depending on the individuals involved. Some couples are more open than others, and that openness isn’t black and white either. Everyone has their boundaries and beliefs and to some maybe no part of your situation sounds appropriate. To others it may feel normal. So please take the answers for what they are, personal opinions, in the end no one knows your relationship like you and her. You both have invested time into this relationship and to me it sounds like you are handling it with respect and trust. Keep open and honest communication always. Express how you feel but don’t be controlling. It won’t help the situation. You express your feelings and boundaries and someone who is actually for you is going to respond with love and respect for your feelings. Someone who dismisses your concerns doesn’t have you as a priority and that is an answer in itself. If she becomes defensive or actually gives you a reason not to trust her, then act on that. This is coming from someone who has been in a similar situation but it wasn’t more than one ex. The intimacy even though it was 1000% platonic, felt threatening and uncomfortable. Once I met her and her husband I felt significantly different. I advise you go with your girlfriend, even if it’s only one time. Try to know the people and world she keeps around her. It may help or give you more definitive answers.

[Asker]

Great response. She is honest and trustworthy. I get why these guys want to stay in her life. I know the reasons why each relationship ended and none were hurtful except that ex from her mid-20s. I think I'll go that next time one of them reach out. Good suggestion.

[MoniqueTLC]

She's not going behind your back about it, and letting you know about it. It sounds like it's just platonic friendships now which is ok as long as no boundaries are crossed, which goes both ways (you and your work colleagues hanging out)

[eagleboss09]

5 of her ex's this girl red flag. If you invested too much in her and can't easy break up because maybe you have feelings for her

Tell her to block all of em and live in the present with you all of em are in the past or simply change her number and delete her social media too if no. Then move on you will save yourself a headache this going to be worse this girl need attention as oxygen probably there's no reason to do such thing since she's with you and WTH is that dinner with married one !!! Change her number and delete her social media if she refuse leave her you will save yourself.

[phild2]

It all depends on the motive of the Ex. If they were good friends before the relation started there is a possibility they will remain friends after maybe relationship with something that was not for them.

[Asker]

Not good friends but still friendly now
2 in high school
2 in college
1 *the one she didn't call back* in her mid-20s

[kerrylouise]

Reading this, I think red flags.
5 exs? 3 married? And she agrees to see them alone without you and entertains conversations?
I don't believe in meeting up or really remaining friends with exs. Sure there might be no animosity. However, I'd be uncomfortable entertaining any type of conversation.
Ask yourself this... if the shoe was on the other foot, would she be cool with this?

If the answer is no, then why would you be so chilled about it.
She might be a Saint. But I still think is 1. Really strange and 2. If it upsets you, then it's disrespectful

[dustybiker]

Sounds like you are with a pretty wonderful woman if her exes still are friendly.

One glaring point here. She’s still with you. Not with them.

Don’t ruin it.

[Asker]

She is wonderful. I haven't made a big deal or ultimatums because she is a good person. It's still kind of odd. Most people including myself don't stay in contact with exs.

[dustybiker]

I think she just might be one of those really good people. Treasure her. She loves you.

[Flower7]

She shouldn’t be going on dates with them. If the two of them go out alone, without you, I consider that to be a date…whether they’re married or not.

[Asker]

So you think I should go with her or forbid her to go? I hang out with female friends from work sometimes but those are not dates. If I tell her she can't go then I guess I need to skip happy hour with my female friends, too.

[Flower7]

It would be best for neither of you to hang out alone with people of the opposite gender.

[Rania05]

If she isn't talking bad about her exes that means she got over them all and she let you know, so it's probably fine

[Asker]

Yeah. No ex bashing from her.

[TheVigilantOne]

In my opinion yes, if someone I was with told me they’re still talking to their ex I’d be out of there, you are exes for a reason so leave them in the past.

[MountAverage]

It's not inherently odd, no. But it depends on the specific circumstamces.

[Fuentes]

Check her bro and if she don't stop dump her.

[sheikalana]

A bit odd but it's just my opinion.

[In_Trance]

Red flag.
Walk away immediately

[Anonymous]

Handle it cautiously.

[Asker]

Yeah. Maybe it's the holidays but after the fifth ex - the one she didn't want to call back - I started feeling uneasy. She hasn't given me a reason but it is odd to me because I don't reach out to or hear from my exs.