How to finally move on and be happy?

[Jasoooon2111]

So me and my ex wife have been divorced around a year and moving on has been hard to say the least.
while the relationship was not stable, we shared many happy moments together but it came to its end. We have had a small amount of contact since and tried talking things through but decided it is not meant to be.

I have tried dating since and all I have learned is that it has lead to me rejecting some fantastic people as I was not over the marriage deep down.

I have made many positive changes to my life since and to the outside person, it seems like I have many things going for me (the motivation behind every change has been the thought of my ex wife)

There is absolutely no chance of us reconciling which we did discuss not long ago.

I would describe my feelings as I can’t live with her but can’t live without her (we did try living at separate addresses but that did not work either)

Does anyone have any advice as it seems to be that any progress that I have made, has always had her connected to it and I can’t appreciate the life I have built?

There has only been one person since who I would say I have loved but she is in a relationship and we are close friends (I’m not the sort to ruin a relationship for my own feelings)

Thanks

[stronghotcoffee69]

The old cliche time is the greatest healer is so true.
How do you heal a wound?
Don't touch it !
Been where you are - the feeling literally causes you pain. Grieve initially, then the less energy you give her the better. Don't let her have free rent in your head. If it was meant to be it was meant to be. Those up and down relationships are no good. Good relationships aren't hard work.

[sensible27]

Find something to do and derive happiness from, said my almond carving teacher.

[Selene1600000]

You are still emotionally organizing your life around your ex, which is why even your self-improvement feels tied to her instead of truly belonging to you.
Stop trying to replace the marriage with dating right now and focus on building an identity, routines, and future that would still matter even if she had never existed.
The goal is not to erase the love or memories, but to reach a point where they are part of your past instead of the center of your present.

[ryancg]

Sex and booze usually works.

[stronghotcoffee69]

Lolllol it actually does.

[ryancg]

Certainly the only thing that ever helped me lol

[stronghotcoffee69]

😀👍