Why do guys breakup with women when they have a lot going on or are stressed out?

Question

I was with my ex for 8.5 years. Over those 8 years we've broken up 3 times (not including this one) the breakup were not because of cheating, trust issues, abuse or anything like that. He's always broken up with me when he has a lot going on and doesn't communicate that he needs space or anything.
Am I head over heels or dumb to want it to work but in the right conditions this time?

Anpu23 · Accepted Answer

There's probably a lot going on here. Im going to try and unpack this a little.
The areas of a guys brain that deal with stress are tied to the centers for action as opposed to women's brains where it's tied to the centers for communication. So guys naturally respond to stress by doing things, building stuff, working out etc
Second stress and libido is inversely related in men so too much stress leads to lack of intrest in sex.
So Im guessing one of two thongs is happening, he gets stressed out and is spending less time talking with you "clamming up" if you will and is instead working on projects and you are feeling shut out and start pressuring him to open up, which is an additional stresser not a relief valve like it is in you. Or you are concerned that your sex life is dwindling and are pressuring him over sex which is just adding to the stress. Either way you are becoming an additional stresser that he feels he can not handle so he cuts you from his life so he can deal with the original cause of stress. As this is a pattern I would guess its a combination of the two issues.

blank_expression · Accepted Answer

Why do all guys do this is an over generalization. Every couple is unique and all the details are very complex case-by-case. If one leaves when under stress, it is because the SO represents another dimension of said stress. If an SO provides sanctity and comfort typically, then under stressful times the bond would grow ever stronger; one associates the SO with a go-to comfort zone. Your details are limited and so will this recommendation be the same; you two do not appear to be compatible if he associates you with stress.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

They do it because they have this idea that they can just 'check out' of a relationship any time they want.

Which, yes techinically is true, but also the fact that you get back together again makes it easier for him to treat you like an option, not a priority. Oh she'll always be here, I can focus on my own life and not be an active supportive partner who also acknowledges someone else's needs, desires, and goals.

Guys break up because they want to 'not deal with' a girlfriend. Any guy that's head over heels for you, would be EXTRA grateful that you're still sticking it out when life's not peachy. Real women don't leave a man when he has life problems, real women support him through them. They only leave if he's unable to say thank you or appreciate her support.

spuitkaas · Accepted Answer

So I have been reading a book about the differences in men's and women's brains and they talked about how men and women differ in coping with stress. Women tend to talk to someone about their feelings/stress while men have different coping strategies, such as working out and drinking. This is partly biologically causated and partly societal influence. He probably doesn't want to look "weak" to you and finds you helping him and almost asking him to talk about his feelings overwhelming. I think it could be solved with better communication, but if someone isn't open to communicate, then the relationship is not worth saving.

Backseatvibing · Answer

I always do this with guys , and usually it’s because I feel like they don’t understand what I’m going through and are making me feel more isolated and alone , or because I feel like they are adding to my stress. Sounds like you love him but save yourself the heart ache and just let him go. When guys have tried begging me or crying to me to not break up , it just made me resent them more for still not understanding that I needed space. Just let him figure himself out , 8 years is a long time maybe he just wants to find himself alone. Some people just need to figure things out for themselves when they’re stressed or going through something in life

Nikki6t6 · Answer

Not always but dudes will play it up that they’re stressed out or there’s a lot going on. In this manner they’re hoping this will somehow invoke the softer side of a women… thus avoiding added hysteria and confrontation upon break up.

Think about that for a second… what’s the first rule of thumb of a good liar? It’s it is to bounce the conversation with slight deviation of the original topic to gain the upper hand. The old Jedi mind trick.

Before you realize what happened he broke up with you and you’re sitting there pondering questions in your own mind that we’re left unanswered.

Jae98 · Answer

I don't know I didn't and never would
She left when she fucked me up and it got hard so I guess it went other way
But I think many people nowadays don't fight and don't take care of relationship and their s/o like its the most important for them
That could be really long talk

Anonymous · Answer

you both are attached to how many years you've been together. there is no love there if a bit of stress or business is what will break you up. fck, i'm stressed all the time but i'm still with my partner after 5 years. deal with your sh*t and keep your relationship separate from your stress. in your case, he obviously doesn't know how to handle anything. he should really work on that, because he's an adult. after 3 break ups, you should really just let this one go...

Anonymous · Answer

People get overwhelmed and it can cause a lot of stress when people have expectations of them, when all they want to do is lay in bed all day and be left alone, they would prefer there partner not seeing them in that situation as then the woman would leave and it would be harder to fix the relationship later

FatherJack · Answer

He is very clearly , not " The One " , yes men tend to quietly get on with it , when stressed / a lot to do / fix , but you have split 3 times already , is this the 4th? Best to end it for both your sakes , " settling " for another less than ideal person is never going to work , I know this too well ! I binned my ex wife as she was the major cause of stress in my life , & why I like being single too much.

Anonymous · Answer

So if I understand this right... whenever things get complicated or stressful in your relationship, he leaves? Do you really want to be with someone like that? 8 years together or not. Do you see this relationship as "working"? Doesn't sound like it. Maybe consider ending it permanently?

TravisOfOregon · Answer

Dude, this guy has communication issues for sure. You've given him more than enough chances, it's not your job to fix him. Find someone who isn't a fairweather boyfriend.

molonski2 · Answer

No , with those numbers its time to let go , thats extremely important , this time needs to be it , no going back , he certainly needs the break and so do you. Time to move on with your life.

Anonymous · Answer

It's becoming a pattern, lack of communication leading to break ups is a red flag in itself. Is that someone you want to be with who will keep initiating the break ups?

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

Most women are insufferably vein/self-centered bitches suffering severe erotomania.
To find one that does not overestimate her value as a human and a dating partner/prospect by at least 20 times is a miracle.
In the end all you can do is avoid them

humpbackjack · Answer

He’s possibly wanting to see what’s out there and doesn’t want to cheat or maybe he gets fed up with you but misses you when your gone

Mofunfour20 · Answer

If it was gonna work out youd have a ring by now. Move on, start taking dating seriously if you want something serious.

Smriti03 · Answer

If you really love him then you should try fixing things because once he's gone you'll not get that chance again. You won't have any regrets also even if it doesn't workout. You tried till the end!

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Honey the man was trying to get rid of you. He doesn't want to be with you. He was with you for 8.5 years yet never committed to you. Where is your ring? Where is your wedding? Where is your kids? You have nothing to show for but wasted time

Anonymous · Answer

You can only blame yourself for taking him back after the first time you got broken up with. And it looks like you didn't learn after 3 times already. Perhaps nothing will.

those reasons sound like bullcrap to me.

mvpverona · Answer

You aren’t the priority something else is. You are wasting your time:

007kingifrit · Answer

well maybe you make stress worse somehow. maybe he shouldn't have to communicate verbally what he wants. men are not verbal creatures its up to you to read and know what they want largely without words

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Because women sometimes complicate things that don't need to be complicated.

Anonymous · Answer

Cause some of us are stupid and can’t deal with our thoughts and emotions correctly.🤷🏻‍♂️

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think he's a weak man. Either that or you're putting too many demands on him. But it's most likely the former.

Anonymous · Answer

He probably knows that you won't or can't help him with his problem and it's possible that you'll add to his problems.

townhouse · Answer

Making beach decision mad or in a heated argument and not level headed are a mistake that might haunt u till the say u die then u realize it could have been better or worse

BareNecessary · Answer

Girls are stressful as fuck. Relationships have to stay on point these days or they get bored and kinda pointless

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

That is not something that happens. It happens from women breaking up with men, but men are just sick of your shit usually.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

“I don’t deal in Legends. I deal in Facts. And here’s a fact….. you’ll go crying home to mommy. Like a little, B*TCH” -TFS Frieza

Fuentes · Answer

If you ask me the last thing a dude wannna deal with is a nagging women when he's working through something and its not his wife

Avicenna · Answer

People do that when they feel overwhelmed

ToastyOats · Answer

No kids. That's why. Sucks its so simple but there it is

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Same reason why girls breakup with men when they have a lot going on or are stressed out

Smegskull · Answer

Sounds like he just as other priorities over maintaining a relationship.

anylolone · Answer

To make their lives easier in troubled times. It's basic removing an extra element.

Bellanancy · Answer

I don't know how guys think they are just fund of that

Iron_Man · Answer

I don’t I hang in there

Anonymous · Answer

It's easier to see the negatives in someone when you're stressed

Anonymous · Answer

Women break up with guys over their small dicks and you're complaining about this! He simply felt you're clingy but he loves you

red_knight · Answer

poor communication cost me the love of my life.

scott04sa22 · Answer

Lack of communications

In_Trance · Answer

Because they want someone else

888theGreat · Answer

Women do that to a guy

Grubhub · Answer

Because the woman be on that BS

Slim57 · Answer

Because if we dont you will

LemiaOfChampions · Answer

Emoitonal overload.

Why do guys breakup with women when they have a lot going on or are stressed out?

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Why do guys breakup with women when they have a lot going on or are stressed out?

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