Why do guys struggle so much with break ups?

Question

When a breakup occurs there seems to be so much more, suicide, stalking, and depression in men than in women. I’m curious about why.

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Study: Women hurt more by breakups but recover more fully August 12, 2015 Women experience more emotional pain following a breakup, but they also more fully recover, according to new research from Binghamton University. Researchers from Binghamton University and University College London asked 5,705 participants in 96 countries to rate the emotional and physical pain of a breakup on a scale of one (none) to 10 (unbearable). They found that women tend to be more negatively affected by breakups, reporting higher levels of both physical and emotional pain. Women averaged 6.84 in terms of emotional anguish versus 6.58 in men. In terms of physical pain, women averaged 4.21 versus men’s 3.75. While breakups hit women the hardest emotionally and physically, women tend to recover more fully and come out emotionally stronger. Men, on the other hand, never fully recover — they simply move on. According to Craig Morris, research associate at Binghamton University and lead author on the study, the differences boil down to biology. Women have more to lose by dating the wrong person. “Put simply, women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than men,” Morris said. “A brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy followed by many years of lactation for an ancestral woman, while the man may have ‘left the scene’ literally minutes after the encounter, with no further biological investment. It is this ‘risk’ of higher biological investment that, over evolutionary time, has made women choosier about selecting a high-quality mate. Hence, the loss of a relationship with a high-quality mate ‘hurts’ more for a woman.” Conversely, as men have evolved to compete for the romantic attention of women, the loss of a high-quality mate for a man may not “hurt” as much at first, Morris said. “The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it ‘sinks in’ that he must ‘start competing’ all over again to replace what he has lost — or worse still, come to the realization that the loss is irreplaceable,” he said. Morris said that breakups are important because most of us will experience an average of three by age 30, with at least one affecting us strongly enough that it substantially decreases our quality of life for weeks or months. “People lose jobs, students withdraw from classes and individuals can initiate extremely self-destructive behavior patterns following a breakup,” he said. “With better understanding of this emotional and physical response to a breakup — Post Relationship Grief — we can perhaps develop a way to mitigate its effects in already high-risk individuals.” The study, “Quantitative Sex Differences in Response to the Dissolution of a Romantic Relationship,” was published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences on July 31.

Bluemax · Accepted Answer

Well, as for suicide I'm not sure there's more among men. I seem to recall reading that suicide *attempts* are equal among men and women, but men are more successful at it... if you can call that success.

Also, it might have to do at least to some extent with the fact that men are still expected to be the initiators much more than women. I once asked the question how many times have you been rejected. The men's numbers were in the tens, whereas the women answered seldom above ten. It would seem that the answers to that question indicate that men are rejected SIGNIFICANTLY more than women. I wonder if that's related to how men handle breakups as well.

And I think women are more likely to seek help with mental health issues than men. FAR more likely, I fear. This above all else I think plays a roll in our differences in how men and women handle breakups. And women seem to support each other more in this regard as well.

Why do you think guys struggle more with breakups, wittymilf?

Account · Accepted Answer

Update: I have experienced something similar with an ex.

I am not sure what is wrong with them, all I know is that we cannot fix their deep-rooted issues. They are controlling, toxic people who need professional help.

I do not understand why someone would be persuaded by someone else to stay with them out of pity or out of fear.

SimpleRhubarb · Accepted Answer

When men love, they love hard. Men are also often told that their feelings are not valid or shouldn’t be expressed, so in times of extreme turmoil, everything might burst out. It could also just be that they were hiding their aggressive side.

akihon · Answer

Ok so imagine you're a man and you start off with a large circle of friends and you meet up every few days and do stuff, have fun whatever that is.
You're confident and outgoing and that seems to be attractive to women and you speak to one and arrange a date and a few weeks later your together.

Then it starts, she says she doesn't like that one friend if yours, so you stop going out because you don't want the argument, she then complains that you don't do anything anymore so you start going out with friends again and then she complains that you don't do as much as a couple so you drop your friends again and do more with her and then she starts to whine about how you always do the same things and ignored that she's actually bleeding you dry, taking all of your money and time and expecting you to do the date work while she sits there as a queen in absolute judgement of you and your friends and everything you do or say and shows just how ungrateful she is.
Is it any wonder when you as a man have had to put up with so much of that crap, when you've woken up day after day and say to yourself how you just want rid of her, lost contact with your friends and haven't seen your family in weeks and daily your reminded how nothing you Sonia ever good enough but you have nothing to blame her for because she does nothing to begin with but expects everything. Is it really any wonder then why some men lose their shit and either want to kill her or themselves.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I think women generally have a better support system of friends who they can go to when they need comfort or to vent, where guys often feel uncomfortable being that vulnerable with another person so they bottle it up. And bottling up emotions will eventually cause you to have a break down, and if you don't have a healthy concept of how to work through something like that without hurting others, then bullshit like stalking happens.
And I think guys are more likely to really go off the rails during a breakup because in our society we make fun of guys for trying to talk about their feelings, for being physically affectionate with others, for having strong emotions other than anger, etc. So if the only person you are "allowed" to touch and talk to and really be yourself around without being made fun of is your partner, then when you lose that it makes sense to me that that could be the breaking point. Guys with strong support systems are generally more stable and handle thungs like this better

rud0_88 · Answer

Because when we actually care for a girl, which is really hard for us to do, we fully care. Like, I dont give a crap about ehatever happens in my life. I'm basically never negative in my emotional state. Sh! t happens. But when I care about someone, its deep and its real, like nothing elae in life. When that gets taken away, we have issues as men because we need to be in control. We control every aspect of our lives to a t. Were strong, dominant, leaders, protectors, providers, supporters and after a break up, all that is stripped, leaving us with nothing. No control, nothing to protect or care for, etc. Also, the girls I've actually cared for, were with another guy three days later, after all these empty words of caring about me, shile here I am, 3 months later and not a single would talk to me. Its so easy for girls to move on and find 5 new guys in a day. Its not that easy for guys. So yeah, thats basically the summery.

Kurαȷ · Answer

Because of differences in the way men and women cope.

Women cope internally, they simply just come to the terms with their own emotions, they are capable of overcoming grief irrespective of the circumstances and the things that cause their grief.

Men's coping is problem oriented, men don't come to terms with their negative feelings- they normally just eliminate the sources of those negative feelings by finding solutions to them.
Breakup has no solutions or fixes, so men have a much harder time coping in this case.

Gamillions · Answer

I've been through this several times. Some guys... feel their whole world collapsed around them. ONE thing above all others is to realize... they don't need to be alone. If they are that devastated they may harm themselves. This is a time to truly be a friend. Tell them no matter what happens... you are there to stand by them. Go places that are lively and moving. Dance... take scuba lessons... go to fairs... carnivals... movies etc.
The more time alone they spend the more the mind wanders and do something bad. It takes time and patience to get through a breakup.

jamiepagepro · Answer

I took my last break up pretty bad. She was all I ever wanted and I sacrificed so much to be with her. Her promises were all lies and she cheated and lied and continued on with it. It crushed me. Everything I sacrificed and then some was gone. Excluding her. Let me alone on the street homeless and rideless not even giving a fuck about the damage she had caused my life. She just went back home to mommy's house and chose to forget any and everything about me. 5 years I spent trying to make it work while she did whatever she wanted to. I took it hard because of what I gave up in order to be with her. I was pissed because she didn't appreciate what I did for her

Lynx122 · Answer

How old is your daughter? I think it's hard for young guys because they don't have many options and Jordan Peterson talked about this the first girl a guy likes he projects this image of the perfect woman onto her and the first rejection is really tough. But with time and experience it becomes less of a big deal and you see women as individual people. Life is tough in general for young guys though.

Suicide rate for men is highest in teenage years to early twenties because young men haven't achieved anything yet and don't have experience don't have many connections don't feel respected, some don't have great social skills etc. There's a lot of things that can only be built up with time. For women highest suicide rates are in the menopause years. This really shows how the value society places on us has a big impact on how we feel and see ourselves and the value that's placed on young men is 0.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

It’s very complicated but to put simply, men tend base their self value on how much people need them and how useful they are to others especially for the woman he loves. If they finds himself unable to do that, he feels too poor and too weak to be deserving of love. To them, a breakup means not only a loss of a valuable partner and friend, it is a significant loss of their identity as a man and thus it feels like she just took a chunk of his soul with her. As a result they fall in a pit of depression and puts themself at risk of suicide due to feelings of crushing loneliness and worthlessness.

Here is a paper written by Dr. Warren Farrell on his thoughts on the matter: warrenfarrell.com/.../

Walrus_au · Answer

Because in western society especially, guys are conditioned that showing emotion, or doing anything other that utterly repressing and denying emotion, is not masculine or male.

One of the aspects of toxic masculinity - why toxic? look at the end results.

FatherJack · Answer

Never been me personally , as I have always moved on very quickly , my detached nature is such a blessing at times. Men do not have the support networks , and very close own gender friendships most women tend to have , men are mostly on their own dealing with any rough patches in life. Also , women have far more options of the opposite gender , than men do , if they so choose. A woman if she wishes can very quickly find another partner , the vast majority of men will be single for months , if not years after , so perceived fear of loss may well affect men more.

talltom94 · Answer

I think it will typically be down to the idea of masculinity and mental health. Men are encouraged not to show their feelings, to be strong and not show weakness, so they won't talk to people, cry or Express themselves and that takes its toll. Whereas if a woman cries over a break up that's natural, expected and they can talk about and express their feelings to their friends without being told to "man up". Typically, obviously there will be times when this isn't the case but I think if is for the majority.

The violence and stalking aspect would be different and I'm not too sure about that but in terms of the suicide and depression aspect that's my answer.

LoU_Hades · Answer

Guys consider their partners often as status symbol, that's why they play crazy if she doesn't run around like she should to give him the feeling of being a non exchangeable. For other men are women a necessary evil, women who really impress a man with their personalities are rare.

ForteExe · Answer

My girlfriend found a study a while back that showed men in bad relationships still received all the positive benefits of being in a relationship (longer life expectancy, improved mental health, etc) while women in bad relationships suffer tremendously with no benefit to their health. From that you can suppose that a breakup from a bad relationship is more of a blessing for a girl than for a guy, since women are better off single than in a bad relationship and men are better off in a bad relationship than single.

Mroz75 · Answer

Its because a man cannot seen as weak, cannot seen defeated, cannot seen down, cannot seen depressive, cannot seen crying, instead they should be strong, happy, positive, secure, and only thinking about his dick.
The reason behind that, is the cultures, the cultures that make the male must be indestructible or whatever, and can't get his emotions out, that's why men struggles much more than women.

Its all about how men are treated in their childhood, and help them express their emotions rather than putting it inside their heart, closing them and adding more, more, and more, and not letting it out.

ZackBan · Answer

It's usually the one who did all the work in a relationship that cries over it the most it just happens that our society is one where guys are required to do everything

bebop24 · Answer

Because break up are emotional.. and at what point and by who do men learn emotional intelligence if ever... women talk about emotional shit from the day they're born.. men are taught as a man you handle it yourself and when we don't known how we shut the world out to try and figure it out.. and in the world or women and being rejected that's the hardest puzzle men have ever faced.. like someone said before men identify them selves with being needed being the foundation a pillar when men get rejected its way more then oh this girl doesn't like me anymore it's am I even being a man the right way and if he can't answer that straight up he's left feeling empty hinse really struggling

sixxx · Answer

Because every man needs a partner to talk with. Someone close enough to do things together, have a fun together. Men are fragile when they do things alone. Though maybe they have male friends, the feeling is different when it's with your girlfriend. So basically if men get broke up, that means they would end up alone again and they just find it hard to do things alone and no one to talk with intimacy anymore.

Paul09 · Answer

I've never did the breaking up. I'd feel horrible to do so, if it came to that. I have to admit, I got screwed up after my last relationship l. And I think it stuck with me til now. And this was a very, very long time ago. Now I just dont get the chance, or avoid meeting women. I feel like if I wasn't good enough or my exes, I might not be good enough for the next one. Then there's going on so many dates, none work out. So even trying to date again, is mentally hard to do. I have to try and rewire my brain. Well.. To a new year, to new chances I guess. I hope I get a chance.

Zer0Ghost · Answer

Hypermasulinity weighs itself much more on attracting the opposite sex and men are much more likely to take violent actions because violence is also embedded in masculinity. That's coupled with the basis that men "aren't" supposed to be emotional, we're not supposed to talk about our mental health, and we're not supposed come to others for help. We're perfect storms for suicidal conditions.

Browneye57 · Answer

Because men love idealistically.
Women love opportunistically.

Men will stay and hope things get better. Women move on emotionally if their emotional needs are not met. They are biologically programmed to do this.

75% of divorces are initiated by women. There's your story right there.

420guyinpanties · Answer

Guy don't express there feelings as much. At times we will put all those emotional chips in one place share shit we wouldn't tell anyone so get mix of is this still confidential. That when we get use to expressing them rather use guys want to admit it or not its nice way to unwind get retrospect and sometimes reality check 😂

Unit1 · Answer

""real men never cry" "suck it up buttercup" "emotions are for women"  in short - we tend to not have that support and this is what happens.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Because we are set in having a stable universe in our life. When that stability is threatened or destroyed our universe collapses.

Anonymous · Answer

Most guys actually don’t take breakups that hard. For the ones who do, it’s probably because women end the relationship the vast majority of the time. It’s easier to do the dumping than it is to be dumped.

Apope16 · Answer

Its worse for men because of the burdens placed on them in a relationship of being the protector and provider. A break in a relationship threatens their emotional worth and status. A man is by nature meant to be polyamorous. Choosing a single mate is a profound choice often taken for granted by women. Having one sexual partner is a huge deal.
If you are talking marriage. Courts give women the unfair right to take a mans earnings or wealth at 50%. Even if she hasn't earned it.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Your daughters attract crazy people, that is not how aberage men are. It seems you've taught them well, what with your misconceptions and ridiculous lies!

JimmyQ · Answer

Woman tend to be very surface oriented while men tend to internalize their feelings. Woman are able to change out a man like he's just dirty underwear, but men have deeper emotional needs and once they are cutoff from the nourishment they've been receiving, it becomes an impossibility to go on as if nothing happened.

It can take years to seal off the destruction caused by an unfaithful woman and a lot of men never fully recover. The good news is that once you do survive the big one, you'll never suffer like that again. In fact it becomes easy to spot loser chicks from the gitgo and avoid their destructive ways. That's not to say that a good woman won't disappoint at times, but she will never turn on you when your down.

DanOh2018 · Answer

Probably because women just have to exist to get male interest vs men who have to invest time and effort to get female interest.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe because for most guys, it's a million times harder to find someone else than it is for women to? lol I know for myself, that's often one of my thoughts, "I'm never going to find anyone else". Of course there are other reasons when/if feelings are involved, real feelings. But this also.

broken_heart_at_48 · Answer

I don't think it's just a guy thing I think it a difficult thing for anyone

sid2718 · Answer

Guys are strong from outside but they are all soft hearted so they easily get bonded with a girl if she gives him the full attention he needs and once they don't get attention they express their felling out. It's like a flamingo thing if one companion goes away or die the other dies too

BagoH · Answer

Chemical imbalances caused by traumatizing experiences in life.

0112358 · Answer

Men often have no friends that they talk to about their feelings outside their partner.  that’s not very good in a breakup scenario.

DiegoO · Answer

Those are an extreme response I don't share.

Answering your question: on average females have a support group after a breakup, males don't, we cry alone.

Support groups are very important in anything that has a major negative impact on our mental wellbeing.

Women may recover faster from a breakup but I think women are more likely to get back with an ex than men.

duanemc86 · Answer

If I said what I really want to say, this comment would turn into an 500 page essay. Long explanation short, most guys ( who aren't gay) have a serious mommy complex. Mommy didn't knock the boob out of their mouth and babied them for way to long. So they feel the overwhelming need to have a female to take constant care of them. Quite sickening really and it makes the rest of us laugh.

Stoner710 · Answer

Because we have failed to protect the woman we love it means we didn’t do something right which isn’t good for guys self esteem.

Miristheiss · Answer

Weakness. A strong man who knows his worth just will just move on to millions of other good catches out there.

brkninpcs70 · Answer

Because unlike women , men develop a severe emotional attachment to the one they chose. Even if the cheat on their wife they still love them very deeply. I still love both my ex wife's, but they follow their hormonal imbalance that never gets fixed after children enter the picture. A study done in 2017 says 16 % of all married women cheat and of those 13.5 percent stated the urge developed and would not go away when their first child hit age 2.

The_man_whol_aughs · Answer

Everything that we thought about the women we had feeling for was a lie

Also women have a bunch of men ready to get in her pants if they had a break up , men don't have that

That's why I like being single

Also you should call the police on them for blackmail

jasco · Answer

It's not just about breaks up lots of other things also trigger it as well and well girls have problems with breaks up to everyone takes things differently

retlaw0311 · Answer

Women take it more lightly because the line of guys waiting for a chance with her rivals that of a new attraction at an amusement park! Guys dont have that comfort in the back of their mind.

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

Wow that goes to show what I know I thought it was woman that struggled more with break ups

DOGMA1954 · Answer

most of us have a deep connection to the woman we love than we let on about. So when the breakup happens, we try to understand why, but never seem to have closer.

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

your views are slanted because your daughter is attracted to guys like this. She probably likes their devotion at first because of an insecurity of her own and then feels she can do better, but she keeps picking the same type of guy.

Gatman34 · Answer

So many modern men are desperate losers. Only simps and losers actually try and and date nowadays. Normal guys are focusing on themselves normal guys know that daring is pointlessly

Liam_Hayden · Answer

While most women keep their friends in relationships, many men shed theirs. Because of this, after a breakup quite a few men have no support system in place.

Spencer10 · Answer

Because guys do not have the really good friends they can lean on during tough times like women do.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Because men are more emotional than the stereotype suggests.

MrMilti · Answer

My guess? Because most of the time, its women that end the relationships.

Hazelstar · Answer

I don't know. But the last time I broke up. My ex boyfriend seemed to me that the break up didn't bother him at all. I think he was chill breaking up.

chriscdi · Answer

i guess because we handle emotions differently, i honestly dont know 😂

glutendan · Answer

I think some men get more attached than women. Like I never want to lose my friends, there's no replacement for them but I think women more often see others as replaceable.

Pejtu · Answer

They fucked in the head  When i did broke up with my ex's i NEVER talked to them again

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

That typically happens to dudes who have nothing else going for them in their lives and depend too much on someone to bring value and happiness to their lives.

Xylem1992 · Answer

Let me ask you, how do you girls wake up one day after 4 years and decide yeeeeah its not gonna work out there's Two sides to each story mam

IlyaTheImpaler · Answer

Damage attracts damage. Healthy people attract healthy people. What you describe are not healthy people. Therefore...

clok3 · Answer

that's very true some. men can't take the hurt they give though

Steve37 · Answer

Once it sinks in that he's going to have to work to get laid again, depression sets in.

Anonymous · Answer

Because men go all in and women always have a Plan B waiting in the wings.

Why do guys struggle so much with break ups?

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