Why do guys act so erratic after break ups?

[candlewax]

Specifically, when THEY initiated the break up? I'd get it if they were broken up with, but to see such confusing, mixed behavior from them when THEY ended it gets a little baffling.

Some friends and I were discussing exes and weird behavior on their parts and had noticed that in a few instances, they were kind of all over the place. Nice, then weird, then kind of rude, then nice... Rinse and repeat.

Why bother to keep in touch if you're just going to be all over the place emotionally and treat her like crap by dragging her through more emotional confusion? I'd think that the person who was broken up with would have more emotional issues like this. I know break ups affect both parties in various ways, but it's like we're witnessing them emotionally struggle with their decision and they're dragging you along for the ride.

So what gives?

[Daggersanctuary]

I don't quite understand myself. I thought when guys break off a relationship they wipe their hands clean and move on without a second thought. That's why when my first boyfriend broke up with me I was like "ok, whatever" and went along with my life. If guys aren't that into the relationship then why should I? If the guy isn't going to be effected by the break up then neither should I.

I've never actually seen a guy act erratically or regretfully after a break up so you know, this is news to me. Forgive me guys, but I used to think that most guys thought a relationship with a girl was just something on the side. You know, it's not as important as other things they could be doing.

Come to think of it, after I dusted my shoulders and walked away from that break up without a flinch, he did seem a little... spiteful towards me afterward. I was thinking "what the hell, you broke up with me!" and whenever I spoke with my guy friends and were hanging out with them more often, he always glared daggers at me.

Why is that?

[candlewax]

This. It's like they're all butthurt you aren't fawning over them and feeding their ego. I had another one act kinda like what you mentioned- all pissy because I wasn't falling all over myself over him. This one I mentioned in the post- he never really saw it because we didn't physically see each other in like 2 years. So yeah. :/

[MrOracle]

It's because they're hurt emotionally, but society teaches guys that they aren't supposed to express those feelings. So guys keep those feelings bottled up, but something big like a break-up can create such strong feelings that a guy can't keep them in. This leads some guys to have erratic behavior as bits of emotions escape and affect the way he acts.

[candlewax]

But if he wanted the break up, why such strong, conflicting feelings? I'm not being callus, but I'd think that if one WANTED to break it off, then why are there so many conflicting emotions? Like with my last ex, there were times where I could've sworn it felt like he regretted breaking up and was struggling with that decision. Also, I'd get it if it were a long term relationship, but the few examples discussed were only over the span of a few months...

[MrOracle]

He may know that you aren't compatible, want different things, or he may have a problem with something you did or some of your behavior or whatever, and broke up with you for that reason. That doesn't mean he still isn't hurt and feeling lonely as a result. When you're used to being with someone, being alone can be pretty awful for a while.

Girls cry and go talk with their friends and get their emotions out. Most guys don't (can't) do that.

[candlewax]

Yeah, I know. They don't quite have the support system that women have when it comes to these things. That, I get. I think the internal conflict is what gets confusing. Why are they keeping in touch if it's such a struggle? :/ But these guys in question are younger, so yeah...

[Opalivian]

Because we are men.

We do stupid sh*t. A pretty girl walks by and we can't help it or of personal issues we break up with you and regret it afterwards.

We don't like showing our emotions, so we we save it up, and spend it erratically.

It's just the way we are.

[candlewax]

Haha, awesome answer. Very to the point.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Well, guys do know that girls like the idea of a guy who is unpredictable with his behavior. If he acts in too straightforward a manner, it could lessen his appeal. Sounds crazy? Well, perhaps not. I know a number of female friends who while they would never admit it, they love the appeal of a guy who just keeps stringing them along. I think the better question would be, why is it that some girls continue to keep ex's in the picture when they aren't clear with their intentions?

[candlewax]

Honey, you can go pose your question elsewhere. This isn't another "let's flip the question and make it all about me" topic.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Well, the guy could not know what he wants, or is hedging his bets. That's what some guys do.

[candlewax]

Sorry to get so snarky, but all too often on this site does a question like this get turned around and it's not at all helpful. Your follow up is much more insightful. Thanks. :)

[TheDigitalSaint]

Apology accepted. The thing of it is, many members of one sex can't honestly self-review their own behavior. That's why it sometimes takes an opposite-sex friend to tell you why it is the behavior seems so puzzling.

[candlewax]

Yes, but this question wasn't about self review. This was about others' behavior.