How do you transition from exes to friends?

[Misskris05]

So my boyfriend and I of two years broke up last month (he ended it). After a month of no talking we talked for the first time last Wednesday via text for him to get his stuff. He mentioned that he really hopes we can still be friends but how does one transition into that? We haven't text since and he's supposed to come over next week to pick up his stuff. I mean I know we won't talk everyday anymore but are my expectations too high to think we would've talked again? He's hanging in there from the break up and the holidays are keeping him busy.

I just don't want to look like the desperate ex girlfriend who is trying to get back together so should I wait for him to text first? Should I text him on Christmas?

Updates

1 y

I feel like we are in that weird "talking but not talking" phase

[horatiohornblower]

Don’t do relationship stuff. No kissing, sex, &c.

Don't argue with them or have expectations beyond what you would a friend.

Don’t get jealous if they date someone else.

Pretty much it only works if things end well and you both just didn’t feel it was right and don’t have feelings for each other. It won’t work if one of you still wants or resents the other.

[Misskris05]

I dont resent him and yes he ended it for the right reasons. He's 31, im 35 and we were not on the same time line for marriage and kids. But do I text him on Christmas? Should I not? It only has been a little over a month and we've only talked once, he hasn't even gotten his stuff yet

[horatiohornblower]

Christmas is a dating thing to me. Basically your limits and interactions don’t go beyond a normal friend.

[Misskris05]

I would normally text my friends merry Christmas

[horatiohornblower]

Then it’s fine. Just think, is it something I’d do with a friend or with a date/boyfriend? Until you get comfortable and don’t have to question every interaction.

If jealousy or arguments become an issue. Then you’ll know a friendship won’t work.

[Misskris05]

When he asked how I was doing I said over the past 2 years he became my best friend and I miss my friend. Then he was the one that said I really hope we can still be friends. It's the transition I don't know how to do. We went from texting everyday, to a month of silence to now 5 days of silence. I mean I'm not gonna lie it hurts to talk to him and hurts not to

[horatiohornblower]

If you’re feeling that way. I don’t think friends will work. Just picture him happy and kissing another girl in front of you. Would it bother you at all?

[Misskris05]

Well I mean we definitely are not there yet and it's only been a month so yes it would bother me. Not saying it wouldn't in 6 months

[horatiohornblower]

All I can say is give it a try. You know the basic boundaries to shoot for or bail from.

[dudeinohio]

not a good idea to be friends. When you get into a new relationship, having the ex as a friend would be harmful to the relationship.

[MelonSoda]

You don't. You cut them out of your life entirely.

[Misskris05]

Even if I wanna be friends too?

[MelonSoda]

Yes, even if you want to be friends. If you keep talking, it's either going to crush you if he goes out with someone else, especially if you still have feelings for him. Or you're gonna get back together (which can be good in some cases, I guess) and you'll get hurt all over again if nothing that caused you to break up previously isn't changed or fixed. At the end of the day, it's your choice what you want to do. I'm just telling you what I think based on experience.

[jahaims]

I would never befriend an ex

[In_Trance]

you don't. move on