How do you go from being in a relationship to just friends?

[punchxcore]

So basically my boyfriend tonight came to the decision that we should just be friends right now. I've been in college and I'm in the hardest quarter of my life and it's really stressing me out and I'm really stressed, high strung and I just take things too seriously right now, which is not the norm for me. And he's stressed out because of work, finances, his family, etc. And as a result of my stress, the mild things he does that irritate me, I would blow up at, when I could normally just shrug it off, cause I was usually a person who loved life and was always laughing and smiling. And we had been fighting/arguing more than is normal for a couple, I think.

So he told me tonight, "It's not what I wanted to do, but after tonight, I think we should be friends", and he said he isn't usually the dumper. He made a comment how his friends don't understand why me and him are together with how often we fight/argue, and I was like, "well maybe we shouldn't move forward and just be friends".

I couldn't believe I was hearing those words and it tore me up inside, but after that, I realized it was probably for the best, but knew it would be rough going from being with him, kissing him and what not, to just being friends.

He said he still wanted to be friends and if over time he saw a change in me (like I wasn't constantly ripping his head off over stupid stuff) and just going back to being fun-loving and happy, then we would give it another shot for a serious relationship. But he wanted to spend this time to get to know each other better. We basically went on a date, hung out once after that and dove into a relationship, which I think was bad. We had no time to get to know each other and our flaws, likes, dislikes, what makes us happy, what pisses us off. And we only dated for almost 1 month and 1 week, so couples shouldn't be acting like that this soon in the game.

I told him that I knew what was going to happen and I've seen it. He would say he wanted to still be friends, and then he would go off and find someone better than me or just someone to replace me. He was like, you haven't had many boyfriends. I was like, yeah, but I've looked at other relationships. He was like, but I'm not an ordinary guy with ordinary relationships.

Then later added that he hopes I don't lose hope in the fact that we could eventually get back together. And when I was leaving his house today, he told me to call him when I got off of work today.

Has anyone ever been in a somewhat similar situation, such as breaking up because of problems in your lives? How did it go? Did you eventually get back together? Any hope for my situation? Advice?

[Anonymous]

Well, do you honestly just want to be friends? or do you actually really like this guy, and want him to stay? Because saying that you "just want to be friends" is obvioulsy a break-up phrase. He may find someone else. Well, stress and all that can definitely do that. There is going to be rough spots in a relationship. There is going to be likes/dislikes, no one is 100% prefect for each other. You have to work through these things. I don't think you are over this guy. I think you need space, but maybe not break it off. You are both going through hard times, this should be a time to help each other out. Maybe still go out together, just not as much. Take your time apart, and also your time together. So if you want to be with him, be with him. Get to know him! Cause since you broke it off, he may find someone else and do you actually want that? You don't have to be with him 24-7. Just enough for school and him. A nice balance in the middle.:)

[punchxcore]

I didn't suggest the just being friends part. He did. Actually, it wasn't more of a suggestion, he said "I just want to be friends right now" I don't want to just be friends, cause I honestly don't know if I can handle that. If I knew for sure that there was a possibility of us going back to a relationship if he truly saw me change then I could try and stick it out, but there's too much heartache involved if we were to remain just friends and he ended up finding someone else.

[punchxcore]

I had suggested before the only seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week at most, because he needs to see his friends and stuff, too. And he broke up with me basically before we could even test that out and see how it worked. I do think it's unhealthy to see someone as much as we did. We were seeing each other at least 5 days a week. A couple shouldn't have this many problems in the beginning as we were. I think we were just around each other too much. And since I was under stress, it didn't help.

[punchxcore]

But I don't know if I see him saying "okay, maybe we can try a relationship still, but see each other a lot less". It seems like he has his mind made up, cause he said he doesn't believe in breaks and stuff. He seems to think friends right now is for the best. Which, I did agree last night that it's for the best, but only if I know he definitely wants to try it again and not just push me off to the side and just be a friend.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I don't know if being friends would really work the best. You still have feelings for him and you were together, I just don't see that being friends would work out. You know? You may end up getting hurt. Because even if you say "just friends" emotionally you are not "just friends". Does he honesty want to just be friends??? Or did he just say that in the moment because you had a fight? Does he still care for you to get back together with you?

[punchxcore]

He said for the moment he just wanted to be friends. We could still talk and see each other and stuff, do things friends do, but he can't date me right now because of all the stress I am under and putting on him, it's stressing him out cause he has his own ordeals to deal with too. He said if he saw a change in me, we'd maybe give it another try. But something happened last night and he said at that point, he didn't know if he even wanted to be my friend. I just.. don't know what to do.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, then I would just go on. Continue with college. Maybe you will get together again, I do'nt know. People move apart. It is sad, but maybe it is for the best.

[punchxcore]

As of now, I want him out of my life completely. He said he wouldn't start dating someone right away, and the girl who I was suspicious of, he started dating her the day after me and him broke up, providing they weren't doing stuff before that. He was a habitual liar, and I can't trust him, so I'm glad he's gone.

[Opinion Owner]

Good for you!! I know it probably feels bad :( but someone who goes out and finds someone else is a loser!! You are going to college and going to do something great in life!! Good luck girl!!! You can do it. Love will come and he will be great and will appreciate YOU!!! :)

[punchxcore]

It's just stupid that someone has to use the excuse "you're stressing me out" to break up with someone. No, you were stressing your own self out because you couldn't keep all your damn lies straight and were getting tired of me questioning you.

[prometheous]

I don't know what works best for you, but when I was in school, school ALWAYS came first. Yes, it was at the detriment of my love life, but my partner back then knew that and she always understood and supported me throughout (almost) my entire college education.

I say if it's really stressing you out, you should put it into perspective with the rest of your life, and realize that it took a lot of time and energy to get where you are, millions of people in other countries sometimes kill to get to where you are at, and hit them books! It'll pay off in the long run, and you won't end up resenting him if the attention you spent on him held you back and it didn't work out. (which I've seen before ;)