Don’t you just feel so free when you escape something toxic?

[DizzyDesii]

I’ve probably slept 2-4 hours for a good while now and I hope to get that back on track starting tomorrow. Today I think i slept 1 hour. But thats because things finally ended with the Gemini. I’m going to leave astrology alone because it just stirs up shit. But also, I just want to thank the Lord for getting me out of the most toxic crap I've experienced in a long while. I literally prayed last night that the Lord set me free if its not meant to be, and today he answered that prayer.
I’ve been dealing with a stage five clinger and possible sociopath who i felt pressured to “be with” much sooner than i preferred. It felt like dating my first ex all over again. I didn't have the guts to end things but my last words to him before bed was “I feel like we’re bound to fail at this point because I’m not staying true to myself and I’m letting a lot of red flags slide.” Then i woke up to a text of him saying he wants to end things. We discussed it over the phone for closure and I wanted to cuss him out and yell but i stayed calm and mature because i knew he wasn't the guy for me.
For the last time, i would like to say I will not go against my morals and maintain putting God first. Dating a nonbeliever is just not for me. This was the 2nd and hopefully last attempt. It was a dealbreaker i shouldve stuck to. Also Dating an indecisive stage 5 clinger is not for me. I asked to talk spend at least 2 hours a day together and He’d prefer 8+ hours straight and claimed that still wasn't enough. He was obsessed with murder movies and serial killers and his turn ons were choking and suffocating during sexual activity until you can’t breathe. Just not for me. He said “I Love You.” And i replied “I know” and he snapped on me for degrading our love. With all the things above, he was just a walking red flag. So For now, i’m gonna take some time to recover from this hell hole I’ve been through. Maybe i can get my voice back now. #FeelFreeToList #ToxicityAtItsBest

Updates

1 y

I just hate being pressured. He wanted to talk every hour of the day even during his entire work shift. He also wanted me sleep deprived as long as he got his rest. He wanted us to say I love you too soon. He even got mad when i rejected being his official girlfriend so soon. He just wanted more than i could give and i dont want to be in something like that anymore. I accept my part in this in which i let the shit slide. I also should’ve stayed true to God and to myself. Welp lesson learned

Updates

1 y

This immediately came to mind 🤣
c.tenor.com/7jsq5YdXDGYAAAAC/byanangel-touched.gif

[HighlyVolatile]

There was a great 21st-century poet and singer almost 20 years ago now who wrote about this. She wrote this:

>> With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride
>> >> You're toxic, I'm slippin' under
>> With a taste of a poison paradise
>> I'm addicted to you
>> Don't you know that you're toxic?
>> And I love what you do
>> Don't you know that you're toxic?

Her name was Britney Spears and she was a young woman who had toxic relationships and she shaved her hair and freed herself of them.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i dont need to go bald to be free lmao. 😂

[HighlyVolatile]

Bald where?

[TheAfrikan]

Congs for jumping out of this paranormal shit of choking and suffocating during sexual activity, not all people are into that shit, At least he would have asked ya if u in it. And secondly am happy that you finally made that strong bold virgin decision to move on from him. All the best on the next catch ma dear hope it is me hhh @DizzyDesii

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you

[TheAfrikan]

You are welcome dear, he seemed like a messed up guy.

[DizzyDesii]

I tried to see the good in him

[TheAfrikan]

And you might have failed to see it as you expected?

[DizzyDesii]

I tried to let the good outweigh the bad

[melanieeeB]

Yeah I agree that he wasn't probably the one for you and congrats for letting go and moving on, I hope he doesn't try to come back and shit tho
Anyways it's better to move on to someone that shares your views and doesn't annoy you

[DizzyDesii]

I blocked him on like 5 different things. I dont think he can come back unless he shows up at my doorstep which even then his knocks will be ignored

[melanieeeB]

Ohh that's a good prevention hahaha

[LovingLoverReturned]

You dodged a bullet, if I do say so myself.

Oh yeah, freedom.

That's why I like meeting guys online. The creeps can Stay 6 feet und- I mean away

[LovingLoverReturned]

I can smell a creep from 9 billion miles away... so I'll nip it in the bud before.
Well not smell... I just give psychological evaluations.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Congratulations. You should celebrate.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol so tempted to go to the casino to celebrate

[t-8900]

agree. I need to have someone who shares my values or its never going to work out long term. My girlfriend and I spent like 8 hours a day talking for the first few months. Now we are at 4 on the phone and 9+ hours in person and that's perfect

[DizzyDesii]

We supposedly had all the similar values except for the religion

[t-8900]

the most important one though XD

[DizzyDesii]

So true. Its been my number one that i’ve only set aside twice now and i really dont ever want to set that aside again. I need it for my relationships to even start to work

[t-8900]

well the Bible called it on being unequally yoked.

[DizzyDesii]

Yep i read about that after falling for him and felt like an idiot for trying to overlook it. But we can discuss it later. I gotta sleep now

[t-8900]

NN Desi. Get well soon hun

[DizzyDesii]

So i talked to a christian who told me exactly about the unequally yolked thing but he also read me Corinithians 6:14 bt he also read me Corinthians 7:16 and even though it probably referred to married people for one, i think i took it and ran with it hoping it meant otherwise. Oh well, i learned the hard way

[t-8900]

yeah we can't look for loopholes in scripture. That would categorize us in Revelation 3:15-16 and 2 Timothy 4:3. There is no easy path for us Christians. We were promised many hardships we would rather not endure but will have to in time.

[DizzyDesii]

Very true

[Hulk30]

that's true but i dont even enter toxic relationships be they business or personal to whatever degree and from whatever angle because to me a toxic relationship and person is a controllin 1 and when i see that ill smoothly gain control by usin womens pull back game either against em whenever they dont like what ya say or do in order to control ya or if im dealin with men tryna control me i can also use womens pull back game in order to neutralize that

[Agape93]

It took a long time for me to feel free. Even now, I have plenty of times where I still don't feel free.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn im sorry to hear that. What do you need to be free?

[Agape93]

Memory loss

[DizzyDesii]

Omg i said that earlier today when the mf above asked me if i could remain friends. I told him i’d have to lose my entire memory to every want to be his friend 😂

[Agape93]

Lol.

[nawtee_me]

Walking red flag

[DizzyDesii]

Yeap

[nawtee_me]

You just keep running in to them, banging your head against them, so what do you do? I don't know just don't turn into one... lol

[DizzyDesii]

Yea tryin not to

[exitseven]

Yes, although it is nice to be out of the toxic environment it can make me feel like I somehow failed.

[DizzyDesii]

I asked all the questions i could about what i couldve done wrong to get closure. And he kept saying nothing which may have been more lies but he was also crazy so maybe it was true. Either way, i made sure to let him know it was seeking closure and not fighting for us. I just didn't want to be in that anymore

[exitseven]

okay, life is hard sometimes.

[TrillXHippy]

Gosh hopefully you can get back on track tomorrow. Get the rest that you do deserve. I never experienced anything as toxic as that or really anything that’s toxic

[DizzyDesii]

Well you’re lucky then cause its scary as heck. Im just so glad to be away from that now

[TrillXHippy]

It’s great that you are

[JosyJosy]

Holy shit fucking yes. It surprises me how free that feeling actually is until you escape.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea it feels good

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the update! I agree and it sounds like you definitely made the right choice. 100%.

[Jamie05rhs]

When you say you "felt pressured"... Did he succeed?

[DizzyDesii]

In physical sex? No. A million other things, yes

[Jamie05rhs]

Aw; dang.

[Cubus]

I believe you feel like a new person now :)

I feel happy for you.

[DizzyDesii]

Well i’ll need 24 hours at least to take everything in buit after that, yea lol

[Northernlights25]

Good. Leave and never look back into that nonsensical false-science that is astrology.

[DizzyDesii]

Well there's more than that if tou continue reading 🙄

[Northernlights25]

I know, I just found that part noteworthy. I'm not obliged to comment on every aspect of your posts am I.

[Shamalien]

Initially, yeah…. but if we were close I’ll always miss em

[DizzyDesii]

I could be years close to someone but not miss them because im sure there's better out here

[Shamalien]

Wow. That’s a strong faith. How close have you ever been though? I get deep….

[DizzyDesii]

Close to who? God or a guy?

[Shamalien]

A human being yeah

[DizzyDesii]

there's only been 1 i was so in love with that I was happily willing to die for when defending him if someone tried to hurt him. That close...

[Shamalien]

How did you stop missing him? Did you end on alright terms or did he betray you in some way?

[DizzyDesii]

I actually will still always feel for him deep down. So i guess I see what you mean now. But anyone outside of him, even the ones i dated years and years, i wouldn't miss them because of the emotional manipulations and betrayals. I tend to get over people the same week we end. I move on quick

[Shamalien]

If someone betrays me and I hate them, it’s easier to not miss them. If someone was really good to me though and just wanted my love…that leaves a mark. I’m confident I can meet someone else but a part of my heart will always belong to this girl. This is why I think it’s best not to treat relationships casually. These bonds can be very powerful

[DizzyDesii]

I never treat them casually. The one i miss was more so the one that got away. But the betrayals are enough to never miss the ones who wronged me. I dont hate them but i dont wanna ever hear from them again. I even told this dude to block me immediately

[Shamalien]

I know you don’t treat em casually, and I respect that about you a lot. I wish there were more girls like you in my area, but here on the west coast of Canada…girls are so damaged. Sluts, sluts as far as the eye can see. It’s so normalized

[DizzyDesii]

Damn you hate to see it. I really hope you come across that one who can give you a different perspective

[Shamalien]

I might move tbh…for this reason mainly. And then 95% of women in my age group are vaxxed and I won’t date a vaxxed since I want kids, so I’m feeling pretty hopeless here. Might check out the states…maybe Texas

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao i slick agree about the vaac cause i feared that rumor about affecting peoples fertility could be true. And i wouldn't recommend texas but definitely somewhere in the south

[Shamalien]

Why not Texas?

[DizzyDesii]

I used to want to move to Dallas but I don't know texas just isn't what i thought. I agree with most of the politics just not the gun crazy stuff. And i still find texan men hot. But i just wouldn't live there. I prefer living in GA or NC

[Shamalien]

I hate guns but seeing as they exist we should all have the right to own and carry. I think people would be a lot more polite and less likely to try and commit crime if they knew everyone was packin

[DizzyDesii]

Ehh I don't know. But we’ll discuss later. I haven't slept today yet and its already 12 noon. I’ll be back later lol

[Shamalien]

Okay

[DizzyDesii]

Im back. So i told you why not texas but what would be your reason for choosing texas

[Shamalien]

Cowboy shit haha. Also its a tech hub and I’m in tech. And I met a girl on here that lives there…she’s kinda perfect aha

[DizzyDesii]

Aww well i hope it works. Head on over cowboy

[Shamalien]

Ahahha yeah I may….

[lilyanony1]

It's best to trust your gut...
Xx

[DizzyDesii]

Yea ima try to stop ignoring that

[lilyanony1]

It takes practice... Sometimes we want the very thing we know we should leave alone.

[Lucy68]

Yes and then you feel like you're on cloud 17

[DizzyDesii]

Im tired of head in the clouds. I want feet flat on the ground type shit

[AimeeKyle]

Absolutely….. no question.

[DizzyDesii]

Right on

[legalboxers]

jobs.. relationships.. this place... lol

[DizzyDesii]

Lol yea

[Tstrbrainer]

Yeah yeah.
I'm glad you ended things with him

[DizzyDesii]

Yepp

[Anonymous]

Real good on you for getting through all that.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you

[ALewis30]

Heck yeah!!

[DizzyDesii]

Haha yes